Let Me Know What Ya think

[Pete2004]

Below is a letter to a prospective therapist. Let me know what you think.


I came across your name and address on the MaleSurvivor website. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and subsequent acting out as a teenager. Im married -- 18 years, Im 51 years old, 2 kids (15 year old daughter and a 10 year old son). Really thought I had put all this behind me, but the affects have raised its ugly head. Ive been doing some reading on the subject Victims No longer (It shook me to the depths of my soul) and recognize that I survived partially by using coping skills and that the abuse has affected me much more than I ever realized.

I find that as my son reached the age that I was first abused, a lot of the shame, isolation etc have resurfaced. Also, I find I have no willpower to resist the easy access of internet pornography and sex video chat rooms. I chose to embrace heterosexuality. And after reading on the sexual identity affects of SA, believe that I am heterosexual. Also, my wife has had health problems that have limited the frequency of our marital relations Put all that together and I have a situation that pushes me toward acting out again and it takes all my mental and emotional energy to cope.

I have been seriously seeking recovery since last summer. Everything I read and those great fellow survivors I chat with recommend therapy and sway it is nearly impossible to self-treat.

I have deep evangelical Christian beliefs of 31 years. I credit my faith and the resulting strong support network to allow me to outwardly (and at times inwardly) live a successful life. I have thankfully escaped most of the common predictions of CSA impacts on adult survivors, while suffering the more subtle and pernicious affects. The porn and video chat have emotionally isolated me from my church support network. It seems every time I put some distance between me and the porn, something happens and I am under pressure and before I know what hits me, Im back there.

I want help, I want to heal, my kids deserve better, my wife deserves better and I deserve a chance to be free as much as I can be. I didnt choose the events that put me on this path but I can choose to seek the help that will get me farther down the road to recovery.

I would like to schedule a session. Do you have evenings available? My work is very complicated on making anonymous appointments. Because of the type work I do, my schedule is unpredictable.

Please excuse my anonymity. My nom-de-plume is Pete.

Regards

Pete

 

[Curtis St. John]

Wow, well said.

I find that as my son reached the age that I was first abused, a lot of the shame, isolation etc have resurfaced.

That is the exact reason our familiy needed to first seek out a therapist. And for the longest time I thought it was my son who was the problem.

Take care,

 

[The Dean]

You have said what you need and how you feel. It is a good letter. I hope that you can connect and that you find it as good as it has been for so many of us.

Bob

 

[RICK57]

Pete - I kept it buried away for 32 years before I told anyone & thought that I was then getting over it (3 friends that I told supported me).

3 years after that I was Christmas shopping & had bought most of the presents that I needed - I was struggling with one! It was for my Nephew who was approaching the age that I was abused, my abuser lived only a couple of streets away from my Nephew - that's when I cracked!

I'm now strong - I reported my abuser & there is a potential court case.

Your letter to a potential therapist sounds very similar to the approach that I took - I wasn't sure what to say, or if I could say it. Writing it down, means that you can 'speak' if you feel capable, if not, you can hand the information over. A good therapist will allow you to take whichever method suits you best (I believe that most are good, or at least have good intentions).

I wish you well on your journey..Rik

 

[Muldoon]

Pete Best luck on finding a therapist.
It was real good for me when I started with my T.

Just remember that the T works for you and if you don't feel comforable with him you can find another one. Best of luck on your HEALING jourany. Tom