Leaving my marriage

I think I am going to leave my marriage. It just seems like the more time I spend with her the more I dislike her. The problem that I am having is my faith, the Book of Hosea and vows of marriage. Other problems that I have is I am an avoider of conflict, I have difficulty telling if my feelings are real or valid, and I have this rage inside me that I suppress on the outside. I am sick up to my eyeballs with seeing therapists; I'm done with these money grabbers. I do not want to work on fixing the marriage at all. Doesn't Christ says forgive; love her has I love the Church? What about my children and how it will affect them (both are adults, but still)?

The marriage has been a long road of hurts I'm not going to sugar coat it, I did my share of the hurts.

She constantly tells this story from when we were dating (30 FREAKING YEARS AGO) about how I left her at a party to get refreshments and she left and went and spent time with an old boyfriend. She usually tells it to my children and friends, what am I supposed to say? "I remember that you ran off with an old boyfriend the moment you felt left out, it should have been a BIG sign to end it with you!" Then all of the sexual issues early in the marriage. I'm freaking screwed up from being molested, I don't want sex, don't communicate and I neglect her. Her meeting guys on the internet and then spending time with them. Then having an affair with her high school boyfriend when my mother was dying of cancer. Five years later, I had an affair with a guy. Then five years later (which was last August), after I told her all about my abuse, sexual issues and gender issues she goes and has another affair with him.

"He can get it up", "he wanted her", "he was dominant". What am I thinking, I'm so screwed up sexually? I am not a man, that's why she keeps going back to him.

Honestly, I think his wife should know.

Why am I saying all of this? Probably to process it. I don't know.
 
Thank you for sharing with us, and indeed "processing". I'm sorry you have so much unhappiness in your life. I don't know you or your life, so I have no business giving you any advise. I empathize with you, and saddened you are hurting, that's all I can offer, which isn't much.

I was given some very wise advise once. It sounds very simple but for me it was very helpful and profound:
Be True To Yourself.
 
I do not want to work on fixing the marriage at all.
after speaking with you about this many times, it seems like *she* is also not wanting to work on fixing the marriage.
 
I have had several guy friends who ended up in failed marriages. By the time they sought their divorce, the marriage had already been over for several months or years. It sounds like this is the case for you. Biblically, adultery is a legitimate "excuse" for divorce, and it seems she has broken the marriage covenant more times than you have. I pray for you brother that God can give you wisdom, courage, and peace to make the best decision for you and your own health, growth & healing.
 

FourJo

Registrant
This is always a tough one. Mis-matched is a thing. It's a huge issue, and not one that has a simple solution. It's such a shame that this reality was hidden prior to the marriage and you've been struggling all these years

There's really nothing you can do about your this, and nothing she can reasonably do about her either.

It sounds like you've done a fair amount of discussing this issue, and there's been little progress. Have you considered seeing a counselor, if only to help you decide what your priorities are, and help you find the best course of action for you both?

There are couples in this situation that find a third party to meet the needs of the person with the higher sex drive. Is that something you have thought of, or would even consider? That opens a lot of questions, and may not be a viable option, but it's something to consider.

I'm very sorry this is happening, and I wish you all the best in finding a solution that will keep you happy and together.
 
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