learning to feel...any advice?

learning to feel...any advice?
S

solitaryaardvark

Registrant
Hello
has anyone experience of this or know where I could find relevant resources?

I have worked through a lot of issues, and cannot find anything about this in my library of recovery books (and when it is mentioned it is recognised without any suggestions as to how to deal with it). What I am dealing with is that I am dead inside...I have limited feelings, rarely experience strong emotions, and have no passion.

I have no impulse to do anything, and whenever I try an activity I have no staying power- the interest wanes. The same applies for social interaction - I simply can't be bothered. This isn't depression, just that I don't get anything out of it so don't do it.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can become emotionally -unblocked?

thanks
Solitary Aardvark
 
Dear Aardvark,

I can't necessarily explain what to do about it, but it sounds like "numbing" to me. When abuse occurs, some of us, myself included, shut down the emotions because they are so powerful, we feel out of control.

I am out of control right now. Because I chose to let the emotions come out. I invited them to. I alternate now between extreme grief and extreme anger. I believe that through therapy and allowing myself to feel, that will eventually level out.

I also want to welcome you to MS. It is sad you needed to find a place like this, but I for one am glad you are here. You will find support and acceptance here that I never thought possible.

Peace,

Marc
 
Aardvark,

No advice for you, but you are not alone. I understand the feelings or lack thereof which you speak. That even neither high nor low road is dull, but familar.

No suggestion how to get off, but you aren't alone in travelling it.

Ken
 
Welcome aardvark,

Welcome to MS. Sorry that you needed to seek us out, but glad that you found us.

I'm not aware of anything you can read to help you reconnect with your buried feelings. If you find one that works, let me know. I'm going to therapy (T) in hopes of connecting and releasing them. When they do surface, they are somewhat uncontrolable. So be ready for the ride.

Take care,
Bill
 
That place of no feeling - I liken it to sort of treading water, where there is nothing extreme going on one way or another - is very normal. I go through phases, but I'm sure that there are people who just exist that way. It sounds like there is a sense of isolation in your post. I know for me, the rationalization that I don't like to do something or don't want to be around others is born out of a place of fear.

I don't know if that helps or not, but you are certainly not alone. And as others have said, and is sort of the traditional greeting here, I'm sorry you need a place like this, but glad you found us. Keep posting.
 
This is something that pets can help with. Do you have a pet? Can you have a pet?
 
Sol:
You said it was not depression. Has a competent therapist or psychiatrist told you so? Some of what you wrote sounds like depression to me (bear in mind that I can't diagnosis anything over the 'net and am not making that diagnosis here).

If you are truly numb in your feelings, did you have any spark from some of the positive comments here? Do you EVER feel even the slightest emotion, such as tearing up while watching a movie, feeling empathy when hearing about someone else's pain? Those are clues to see whether you are truly so shut down from life or the numbness is selective in nature.

You can, with care, rekindle a "dead" campfire when there is still an ember under the cold coals. If it is truly dead and cold, it's a lot tougher.

Ken
 
Hi
and thanks to everyone who replied to my post.

as for pets, we have two dogs and it is true (on reflection!) that I interact in a loving way with them, and on occasion feel emotional movement. However, that emotion of interaction doesn't seem to carry over into human relationships. For example, the 9/11 footage of people falling from the towers to the floor left me with a huge feeling of injustice ("that's wrong") - but none of the other emotions that other people exhibited - sympathy, tears, etc. I don't know if that counts as empathy, as I did not 'feel it', just a sense of injustice?

Nor do I "tear up" when watching a movie (was a child the last time I cried - a long time ago), I usually just feel a disgust for humanity's cruelty (- say The Pianist for example).

I was discharged from my local psychiatric hospital about 8 months ago and came off anti depressants at the same time. It may be depression but if so not as I've experienced it before - this time I am able to watch from a position of neutrality as thoughts arise and I do not get swept up in them and become suicidal - that's why I think it's not.

Maybe there are some embers I can rekindle - and I guess I'll have to find out what they are and how to do that myself - my biggest concern is to make sure that what I "feel" is real genuine feeling and emotion and not engendered or worked up for the sake of some "process".

thanks to eveyone for their suggestions

solitary aardvark
 
Where you got the idea that you were't depressed is beyond me. Maybe you just don't want to think of it that way. I'm FOS most of the time, but depression I understand. Lack of motivation, little interest, short attention span, numbness. You either have depression or a tumor.

I have never been depressed. But I have been carrying around this really big tumor in my brain for 40 years. The very thought is depressing!

Ignor this. I am just being flippant. But you might want to rethink the symptoms and where they point.
 
my younger parts (mpd) suffer depression - the adult doesn't - as I understand it depression is a sense of hopelessness about everything - the adult me, which is what I am mostly now, does not ''feel' 'hopeless" - it's more about what boys don't get taught when they're toughing it out with 'the boy code', I mean "emotional intelligence" - what feelings are, how to name them, how to re-act to them - I (the adult) know nothing about this, so the feeling of emptyness / being dead. I wonder if it is too late to learn, or if it's possible - that's what I'm trying to explain, and that's why I don't think it's depression (though of course there may be some overlay).

Of course, I could be wrong!
 
Welcome here. I think I have always been like opposite, overly emotional. But I have friend who 'numbed' himself to the abuse, to point where he feel nothing, not even extreme physical pain. He is slowly starting to feel again. Sometimes he get's overloaded with feelings, because he's so use to not feeling now. And he doesn't know what they all are. But they are coming back. He has been working at this some for few months now. The more he is talking of things, the more he shares with friends and here, the more he is in therapy, the 'walls' break down a little. It will happen, I think similar, with you. It is like if you do not use muscles for a while. It take time for them to build again. Try not to be frustrated, and try not to push yourself too much. It will happen in it's own time. Good luck.

Leosha
 
Thanks for the thoughts Leosha.

I am now working on this by keeping a journal - keeping note of any feeling or emotion that arises as energy inside, or has a physical manifestation (ie. a smile, or a 'wow' [rare!]) and then I am expressing the experience with my partner - putting it into words and expanding by stating how the experience makes me feel (if at all).
Am hoping that defining them then identifying them when I experience them, and then expressing them to my partner will work/help (sooner or later)

been doing this for the last couple of days and am finding I have about two identifiable emotions a day - but I'm not sure if that's good or bad :)
Today I experienced fear - a neighbour was staggering around in the garden as I was gardening so I had to call emergency services - just shaking all over with fear - then I got depressed because I realised I didn't feel any sympathy or compassion for him - I was just doing my social obligation. My partner brought me round, said I was expecting too much of myself, so ok now.

sooner or later I guess......
 
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