Learned new info in regard to my abuse this week

Learned new info in regard to my abuse this week
A

andrew76

Registrant
This week has been hell I wanted answers from my stepmother in regard to my past and the abuse and also about my abuser and questions left unanswered.My stepmother told me that my abuser was faced with 25 years for each child abused which there was 3 kids my stepsister,my brother and myself and my abuser went out and hired the best attorney in town and plead out to lesser which I did not know about before.

I also posed the question to my stepmother why did she stay with my abuser after this person went to prison and the answer was she thought this person would change even though she knew they could not live together for another 10 years once my abuser got out of prison.

As well I was told by my stepmother that she was going to try and keep us kids when my abuser went to prison however her ex husband which was my stepsisters father and his parents told my stepmother that because we my brother and I were abused that we would turn abuser and no way was my stepmother to keep us living with her so she sent us packing back to the state of florida foster care system.Very mixed feelings more so now then ever before and hatred now that I know the truth i guess like they say the truth really hurts and kills.Thanksgiving sucks.Then to add insult to injury my stepmother told me I will never get what I am looking for out of my abuser which is an apology from my abuser as she sees it my abuser has never changed and as well the very thing I have been concerned about which is that my abuser will turn on another child came directly out of my stepmothers mouth that she thinks my abuser will turn on another child luckily my abuser is on a registered sex offender list.
 
Andrew,

Gosh, I don't know what to say here. My heart sank as I read your post above and tears were sliding down my face. Your feelings of betrayal and hatred are understandable. What is it that makes some people think that the life of a child is worth so much less than the life of a filthy, rotten pedophile. I just don't understand.

I'm so sorry about what happened to you, and the latest revelations. I have found that sometimes seeking answers just leads to more pain, yet at the same time it is something I need to do inspite of where it leads.

I think the thing we as survivors need to do is to find some sort of constructive outlet for our pain and hatred or it will poison us. Having said that, I'm not always sure what that might be. For me, coming here and talking with you guys, sharing my experience with those that come here, and encouraging others here, as well as being encouraged, seems to fit the bill pretty well for now.

Just know my friend that you are heard, you are not alone, and there is healing. You are doing the hard work now so that your life will have a brighter future.

Courage My Friend,

John
 
wow, your story could be mine ,my abuser got a plea bargain ,and i got dumpped into foster care ,does it suck as bad in florida as it did everywhere i lived ? i had 9 fosters in 5 years,i think foster care causes as many problems as abuse . my abuser wants to apoligisze to me ,i don't want his apology i want him dead !! he just wants to find out if he can still control me like he did before,he is using his apology as an excuse to face me and try to mess with my mind ,even if you got an apology what the hell would it be worth comming from an animal like him .i think you would be disappointed if he did apologize cause it won't mean shit. shadow
 
Andrew
Your case is just one more exsample OF HOW FUCKED up our law system is. No one should ever be able to do a deal on sexual abuse crimes.
Andrew the TRUTH is hard sometime but I think it is better to know.

John
What is it that makes some people think that the life of a child is worth so much less than the life of a filthy, rotten pedophile. I just don't understand.
Click to expand...
Most people don't understand the long term harm that is done to children who are sexually abused. We sure know about the shit victims have to go through. We have to educate the world so they will stand beside us and demand changes in the law system.

Tom
 
Looking for an apology, I can relate to that one, my parents never really apologised for their physcial abuse, they still think it is part of parenting.
As for my abuser, god knows what happened of him, never saw him again, the later ones just moved on with their lives, never acknowledged when confronted, so it seems I am still looking for an apology from universe. This part comes to forefront when someone hurts me and doesn't admit, I start behaving as I should have with all my abusers. What more can I say?
Funny thing about forgiveness, you have to learn to forgive again and again from deeper and deeper point, after all its all my karma coming back.
 
I'm so sorry about it all, Andrew. So many times I have been thankful that my abuser is dead. I know that's probably the coward's way out, but I know he would deny the abuse and that everyone would think I was just nuts because of what a wonderful man he was....to everyone else. I think your story demonstrates once again how important it is for us to educate the public about sexual abuse. There would have been absolutely no plea bargain if people really understood the damage done to those abused....what a horrible crime it really is.
Also look at the damage the misconception that the abused become abusers did to you and your brother. There is absolutely nothing in your story to lead one to believe that you and your siblings were really considered in any way during all of this...just kids who would probably eventually get over it.

Once again I am completely blown away by the will to survive demonstrated on this site...also the fact that goodness and kindness and caring have somehow managed to survive with those who were abused. It always amazes me.

You are and were brave, Andrew, and I'm so sorry about the things that happened to you....and so horrified that your perpetrator will ever be allowed out on the streets again.

Bobby
 
Andrew,

All this is so shocking: that your perp gets a pass while you get to live with what he did all your life, and that you are getting no support on the family front. AND, for good measure, you get told that abused kids turn into abusers themselves! Lovely.

I can just reiterate John's point. This all shows how much educational work needs to be done. People just don't KNOW or understand what the impact of abuse is.

How can a perp "apologize" for what he has done? What does he think he can say? "Oops...sorry." What can it mean to us?

I hope you will be posting more. I know you have health and other issues, and we will support you in any way we can.

Much love,
Larry
 
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