Leading the Way When You are Lost

Hi Community,

I went to college straight out of high school, and at the age of 16 no less, that was back when they still thought it was a grand ideal to skip people grades if they were doing really well academically. This led to me being offered a scholarship to a very good college and while I was there, with my dad's signature I joined ROTC and there I was. I graduated college with a degree in Mathematics and ended up enlisting in the Army. I am not going to do paint by the numbers about every step but I ended up doing really well and at that time individuals such as myself were heavily needed. Certain technologies that had been developed, which are now commonplace were new then and there was a shortage of people to learn them and train people in the field how to deploy and use them. I ended up volunteering to become a Ranger that was part of the 75th, but we were a bit different because of what we did. I deployed my first time in the fist Gulf War, and while coalition forces were amassing, we were in operation in Baghdad for some time. My abuse had only stopped when I had just turned 15, so it was probably not the greatest decision I ever made. I had a lot of pressure on me to join, my dad had been career air force and wanted me to consider the military. Operationally I was a very good officer, over my military career we got shot up a few times but I never lost a man, and we all came home. I had a lot of difficulty though internally and was miserable the whole time. I got out in 2000 and was a real mess, I had to be hospitalized several times, and boy did they ever miss the dartboard as to what the actual problem was. When you do what I did, how do you tell someone what I had been through? I tell you how, you don't and you live and live and live with it. I was actually able to eventually go on and further my education and I have done okay in that arena. Finally, last year I got on a waiting list to see the two most reputed Psychologist/Psychiatrist team in this region that deals with this sort of thing. I was lucky in that I have resources, and I hope they can help. I am seeing them now and I have enough psychiatric diagnoses to sink an oil tanker and more medications than I thought the FDA wold allow them to prescribe. Maybe now, I can finally begin to move forward, I am glad to see there is a military section on this site. Thank you for your time and reading my post.

Hello Community,

After making this post I wanted to add that the internal strife I suffered and the negative things I felt were because of my abuse and had nothing to do with the Army at all. I made some of the best lifelong friends while I was in and feel we did some very important things. Sometimes the eloquence of my writing skill could use some exercise. I received the best training in the world while I was doing this and was always treated fairly and respectfully. This was just something different that was part of inside of myself, and of course the Army was not responsible for it. If I had it to do over I would sign the papers again, I was going to have problems no matter which way I went, plus they really helped me move along on my current career path. I had time to think about this and believe it could come off as an unfair characterization really. Yes, my father did put pressure on me to be military, our family has done that for a long time, but I did not have to sign the papers, and he would have been fine with that. I just wanted to clear that up, because I think it is an important point.