Just wondering?

Just wondering?
James_dup1

James_dup1

Registrant
How many people go to church? And do you believe what is being told to you or do you go just becouse it's what your sopose to do?

I guess Im haveing a real problem with the entire God loves you thing...I prayed lots of nights for god to make it stop...and he never did...I prayed lots of times for him to make me stonger so I could make it stop...and he never did...I guess I have lost my faith...if god loves me so much then why didnt he answer my prayers...what did I do to him? Why did he not protect me? I know all the stories all the "right" answers when it comes to god...."god will never give you more than you can handle"...well thats BS!!!!! If I could handle this then why do I need theripy???? If I could handle this then why do I have nightmares??? If I could handle this then why am I scared to love (ok my wife tells me that I am, I dont know....lol)????

So is there even a god to protect the little children? he said "blessed are the children." Well Im done..just haveing a pitty party for me I guess....and just mad at the world for being the world...I hope I get to the place I think so of you are soon...Im going to lose what little mind I have left....ok thats all for now..ty
 
Note: I wrote this two years ago for a lady therapist at Chapman University's Community Clinic.
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Another incident. I must've been thirteen. It was an experiment. It was taken for granted back during 1959 that prayers to God were answered,especially prayers from children. So I sat on my bed,bent head toward knees,closed my eyes and quietly said "Dear God. Please make it stop. You know what I mean". Then,I waited. When "it" happened again I knew there was no God.
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Hey Tinfoil,
I guess my biggest problem is that I am the member of a church. I try to go every sunday and I sing and I pray and even get watery eyed (when It's expeced of me, I should get an oscar). But in side I yell at god "WHY DIDNT YOU ANSWER MY PRAYER'S, WHAT DID I DO TO YOU THAT YOU DIDNT CARE ABOUT ME!!!!!!". And the church Im a member of tells me that I HAVE to forgive the poeple that sinned against me. FORGIVE him....I hope he burns in hell....but then I tell my kids to be good study there bilble so they can go on a mission and do the lords work....yeah Im a hipacrit(spelling??). Just one more lie I have to live I guess.......
 
James,
I have pissed so many people off when I talk about this subject that I am reluctant to say much. Needless to say at one time, I was so involved in church. The last time I went about 3 or 4 years ago, I just had one big anxiety attack. Me and God don't see eye to eye right now.

In my mother's funeral a couple of months ago, the minister of my parents said "we should all forgive one another" and I damn well knew who that was directed towards. I so badly wanted to ask the minister if God forgives child molestors! No one by my friend and I could see this, but I flipped him off. If I wouldn't have done that, I would have most likely caused a scene!

I could say a lot about this, but in the past trying to talk about it, people have just taken it as an attack against them, and I have been alienated for it. So like I said, I am very reluctant to say anything.

Don
 
Hey Don,
I didnt mean to open a can of worms or anything that is touchy....I just wondered if anyone else went or is going through this and what they did to help out...sorry if anyone finds the question hard...
 
I know James. It is just something that was so much a part of my abuse and something at one time that was so much a part of my life. That really leaves me very confused. No, I don't want to get anything going either and that is why I held back in what I said... well even though it may not appear like I held back, I did... whew........

It is a tough thing and I heard that survivors who went through abuse related to religious and things took a lot to heal through it. I guess I'm just not that far along yet.

Anyway, kind of glad to hear someone else say what you did James.. because I think that a lot!

Don
 
Religious beliefs are intensely private. They're individual,not mass-think.


You know I think your right...never though of it that way....like I said sorry if I opened a can of worms with this one....but it's how I feel.... :rolleyes:
 
This is such a good topic. I have been dealing with this for a while but have not said anything either because I know it is a difficult subject. I am believe in God. I even went to a Bible college, I even got a minister's license - I even worked as a youth and music minister for 14 years and....here I am. I have felt cheated by God. I mean I did all the things He wanted me too and yet here I am dealing with past issues again and then getting raped at gun point back in October. This week I am furious that I have to go and get another HIV test done again. (the first one was negative) Because I have been told to take it at one month, and six month and a year intervals. I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT!!! I did everything HE wanted me too! but yet here I am. I have to though believe there is a God even though things have not went the way I thought they would. As with people I think the relationship between God and us is and must be an open one. So when I am pissed at him I tell him. ha! sigh. Sorry hope this has not offended anyone.

Terry :rolleyes:
 
I stopped sessions with a lady therapist at Chapman University because she took her beliefs into therapy. Caused big problems. She told me there were things she did'nt want to talk about because of her religion. That freaked me out. I thought "Wait a minute. Who's the nut here,her or me?".
Just my opinion but I believ it's dangerous to introduce invisible spirits & goblins to someone undergoing extreme mental distress resultant from childhood sexual victimization.
 
wow tinfoil...she realy told u that???...omg...Im just haveing a real problem with all of this...oh well guess I'll live..I lived through my childhood years so I can live through anything....
 
Hi James. She was a Catholic. There's different degrees of them as in all religions. Some are hell-for-leather true believers,some are so-so,etc. She was hell-for-leather. I brought newspaper articles about priests sodomizing little boys to our sessions. She exploded,said "The media's blowing this all out of proportion. There's just a tiny,tiny percentage of priests that've done that". Right after that she smiled,asked me "Did you enjoy having sex with your mother?". The lesson here is that colleges & universities are pumping out counselors by the zillion every few months. These are "Marriage & Family" classes. They go to class for a few months,become licensed then go out into the world hoping to make a living off giving advice to others. There's no guarantee they're competent.
 
I know what u mean tinfoil...I've talked to a couple of theripist before and touched on my abuse I didnt tell them everything and they either told me "get over it" or "Your a man, Im sure you enjoyed most of it." So I stoped seeing them all together, after all there the ones with all the education on the mind...so I though sure I have to "get over it" or "maybe she's right...maybe I did enjoy it a litte bit"......All I know is I prayed lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots for god ot make it stop and as the years went on it just got worst....so I guess I dont have any faith that god loves me...or maybe I dont have any faith my ability to love me and thats why I dont have any in god..I dont know...I do know that Im mad at god..."A mersaful (spelling???) god??" He didnt have any mersey on me....some might say "your alive."....Am I...if this is living you can have it.....
 
Talk about control of the masses..today is Hitler's birthday!!! Over 8,000 years ago the wise guys figgered out a great way to control the masses...they already had goverment but needed something else...religion...goverment ment beating heads for control...religion is cool because people want to do it! Burning your kids for the gods...back in the old days...burning your brains out today!!! If you dissocated during SA...you are a smart person...beleaving in something like magic...could make you feel a little foolish!!! Control and money...maybe the uncool masses need it...get the control and give the money. I could see mayself a Jap during WW2 flying into an american flat top...or today living in the middle east...blowing myself to hell in some jew cafe! I prayed to god to stop my abuse every night for years...maybe at 12 yo god knew that I needed to be fucked and maybe he does today...BUT, I don't think so!!!!!

Eddie
 
God didn't abuse me, a pedophile claiming to be his rep did. I forgive God for letting that happen to me, but not my perp. I do have a Guardian angel who prevented my perp from raping me when i was ten. He had taken me out to breakfast at McD's, and was talking about how some boys like boys, and like to play with them alot, and make believe they are girls, would i like to go to the rectory and see what he meant. Just as he was backing out of the parking spot to leave, he was rear-ended by someone. Nobody physically hurt that day, literally, and I still say it was my Guardian Angel. Guardian Angel, pray for me and us.
 
Hey oroda...I enjoyed our chat the other night....shhh be verwy verwy quite...hehehehe.....ok to your post....I know god didnt abuse me...I know it was my step father...but what about the times I prayed to god to stop it...the times I prayed for it not to be tonight....and he never stoped it...how can I believe that he realy cares for me...he never answered my prayer.....did he think I needed to get done to me the things I did..and if so why?....well hope to see you in the chat....see ya

[ April 20, 2002: Message edited by: James ]
 
I dont think the reasoning we are using is solid for this forum. We come here to help ourselves, not pound our heads about god.

Most everybody can agree on a few solid spiritual principles. Each of us believes there is some purpose to life, at least our own, which is why we dont sit around and drool all day. If you have motivation to live, then you have some sort of reason to be here, even if you think its choas.

What people believe is thier decision, its their actions and values that make someone a good person. Ethics are black and white, period, and the world is in color, period. Right and wrong actions are absulote, people are never entirely good or bad. Its in what they will themselves to be that defines whether they are a good person, not each individual action they take.

I believe that god is a fictional character created by what would now be characterised as extreme ignorence of the natural world, both in terms of physics and spirituality. The catholic church is a politcal power, and those who follow religions based off of that sort of monotheism have been responsible for much suffering. Some, like myself, might say religion of this sort did more far more harm than good.

But people who ascibe to religion have also been known to be good as well. While the church hoarded literacy and ancient greek and roman texts that could have provided the people of the time with rudimentory understanding of their environment, and more importanly, a civiliazation capable of scientific advancement, (Big Breath) it also contained within it clergy who were willing to risk death to prevent the loss of that knowledge forever to the same ignorence, superstition, and a desire for power that made the church a political presence in the first place. It is like any other human presence in the world, not all of its individuals are not a reflection of its whole.

The most important thing to remember about god is regardless, you can still make your own choices and be a good person. Any god who doesnt believe in that can go stuff himself.

Why do i always try to be a white suburbinite ghandi? I get so tired of that routine sometimes. But if you followed someone like ghandi around sooner or later you would find him on the toilet, just like me. If i make it out of my life, maybe i can use my pain to heal others. Strange fantsay life i have, huh? :p
 
It is said that there is an electron so small, that it goes around atoms.
This electron is also what gives us our light, to see by. Millions or billions or how about trillion billions of them just to see a new morning or to have a nice day, even after the sun sets, more of those electrons keep on going all around us, and I haven't been able to see a single one of them my-self.
It is said that the wind is from one warm air front passing into a colder air front or with the cold air front passing into a warmer air front which I can't see what makes the wind blow the bed sheets that hang out-side on a clothes line to billow up and away into the air like a cloud in the sky.
It is said that in hospitals, that more people that have a faith in a higher power of their own understanding have recovered from their life-threating events, then those people that do not.
I learn not to trust people so easyly but having to ask God for help wasn't as easy also.
I know and remeber the lie's. I know and remeber being hurt phiscally and emotionly.
I know and remeber awaking from the edege's of death and listening to what I am to do.
I remeber waking up under the car that run over me, and the hand that pulled me out of the water when I was drowning.
I remeber waking up from chocking for air because I was used for another's pleasure.
After having twentyfive percent of my upper body, a cousin poring gasaline on me while asleep then awaking on fire, then running out of the house thinking it was on fire, for my life because the pain was starting to get through all my defense's of not feeling any pain, was getting so great.
I know how I lived through that event, no one else can tell me, or the serenity.
I know how I lived through my Dad tring to use a shotgun on us, no one else but God was there.
I know how I lived after Mr Fink tried to take me with him into the garage with his car still running.
I know how I lived after Mr Sternburg was through with me after violently sodomizing me in my own garage because his wife left him after I told her what he was doing with me, and no one, didn't do anything, not even my Dad or my brothers or my sister's, not even a hand from God stop this grown adult male from me, a thirteen year old boy.
Does that mean that there is no God,
even Satain wants to be God,
I know there is a loving God,

I'll say a paryer for you.
 
James,

Thank you for your post and asking the question. It is a question that I struggle with as well. I wish there was a simple answer that I as a believer could turn to when the questions arise but there is not and that only gives rise to more question.

I do know that my life with beief is more hopeful than the idea of none. Believing is a choice and one that I continue to make. The idea of God not protecting us when we ask for it from this kind a horror but giving us answers to stupid and unimportant requests is something my mind cannot comprehend. But I also know that there is evil and people who choose to do evil that God does not stop. When he allows one persons choice it cannot be stopped from affecting another persons life. Would it have been better if God protected me from my uncles, for me yes but not for the other child he would have abused in my place. My uncles were going to abuse someone, they chose to be soul killing bastards, but if God protected me while allowing someone else to be my replacement victim, is that a better God. I don't think so.

If we can coose to love we can choose to hate. If you can coose to create we can choose to destroy. If we cannot choose then we are in the soulless state that my uncles left me for so long. I choose to believe and choose to choose.

Ken
 
hi fmighell,
you sound like your in a better place than I am right now. As for the wind and the electrons that make light...well.....science can prove how light is made...no havent seen one either...how ever...if I wanted to see one I could get on the net and find a picture of one...as for the wind...if I realy wanted to know where it came from I could read X number of years of research done the matter...what prof do I have about god?....and I know your going to say the bible, right?...ok one book that Im going to take as the word of god.....I realy hope that one day I can forgive god the way he has me....but for now Im not at the same place you are..and I envey you for being there. Thanks for the prayers.....see ya
 
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