Kieran
the scariest part is over, disclosing to your wife was almost certainly the hardest thing you'll ever do.
And Mike points out that you have survived until now by your own methods, YOU did that - nobody's carried you.
Those two things take an immense amount of strength and a sense of self preservation that you didn't know you had. And now you do it's frightening.
Therapy is totally non judgemental, the T shouldn't give you the answers but lead you to find your own, in your own time. You set the pace and the agenda.
It is great pressure I can't deny that, but you have great strength already and you will gain more.
But if you feel it is too much then tell the T, or move onto a different aspect of your healing.
I found that talking to my wife afterwards was also a great help, but I also found thatI hated talking in our home - I felt that it violated our space. So we found a quiet pub and would go there after my T and talk, if I felt like it of course.
We still do something similar and go out for a curry on a Friday night and I talk, we discuss, what's going on. I still don't like talking at home.
That's just the way we do it, and it set a nice routine and place. Surprisingly we both felt comfortable talking in a public place, the curry house we use has booths and we always get the corner one so it is fairly private.
It also means we are less likely to throw our toys out of the pram and get angry, although it's something we very rarely do anyway. But we're captive and don't have the interuptions of the 'phone, TV etc.
Whatever you choose to do though, make sure you do talk to each other.
Soon you'll find that there is no need to be scared because you will trust yourself. Once you do that then trusting your wife will come naturally.
If anyone says it's easy, they're lying.
If they ask "Is it worth it ?" say "YES !"
Dave
