just say it

[markgreyblue]

i am quite happy

i think i realize i have different minds -

i was so able to experience but not able to
think of it -

buried all -

and so friends here and now make it safe for me to even approach my own mind - because i know they are there for me - to catch me -

and so now today - i go to a place of indulgence and
yet am able to talk to someone still about my experience - safely - because i know

it is safe - because always there -

so now - i know i can be gentle with me -

but also - that just pleasure is endless - there are different parts of me to focus on -

not just in feeling but in consciousness -

like to focus on the body to feed it the rigth things - in part it does feel good to send down the lovely oj - but it is my body - i am not to force it down??

oh i cannot explain that part - but
i think

i have said all that i will approach at this time -

perhaps anyone's comments will let me know if i have been understood -
m

 

[roadrunner]

Mark,

If you feel you have different minds or parts then I think the first thing to do is to acknowledge that. It's cool you feel you have been able to do that here. That's one of the great aspects of this place; we don't have to worry about being scrutinized and found wanting because of the issues we are facing.

And you got it bro. We are here to support you, catch you if you want to think of it that way, but not to judge you.

You have to deal with your issues as Mark, not as some image we might or might not have. We accept you as you are, completely.

Much love,
Larry

 

[markgreyblue]

a very affirming note -

It is just my mind can grapple with things -

and wants to ask every thing -

It's like I can meet someone - and do their job almost better than them right away -

but now I realize - that I was not so good at understanding myself - a kind of fear thing -

so ready to help or get things done -

but when it comes time to explaining my behavior
and sincere confusion and feeling of lack of expertise or knowledge - or

emotional equipmented - I guess - I learned to hide so well that -

I was still acting but not able to be open to even myself - it has been coming more and more -

but I think now -I am coming more to grips with
why - I felt a sense of confusion about why I can do somethings and not others - or be able to
discuss them -

one time a friend said - for a smart guy you sure are stupid sometimes -

so this is what it is - i mean -parts of me -
are trying to rationalize why i feel so out to lunch - when others keep going - ?

and why my mind enjoys a creative - twist when i am tired - punch drunk - and others look at me like

ok - mark!! lol i just like to take ideas and flip em over - when i am tired - take ideas and aesthetics - and give the unexpected non - sequitir - rather than - normal -

anyway - tired here -

Larry thanks for letting me be me -

i was told my mind is expansive -

well whatever - I am glad i am safe to be weird -

or just me -

peace-

mark