Just one more introduction

Just one more introduction

pefiduarte

New Registrant
Hello everyone! I'd like to start out by saying that i'm not sure i belong here, especially after reading so many of your serious and heartbreaking stories.
I am not 100% sure what i am about to share is real, i know it might sound weird, especially since this happened in my highschool years, with me being 22 at the moment, but it has recently came to my mind, mostly after watching a show called 13 reasons why.
On my 10th grade, on several occasions (maybe around 10 times), i would be pinned down by some of my classmates and have not just classic bully things done to me, such as being beaten or having my head shoved in the toilet, but also (and this is the part i am not sure about) i believe i had many objects inserted in me such as deodorants, brooms, pens... again, i know it might sound weird that i am not sure this happened but i don't know at what point the show i watched triggered me (one of the characters has some similar stuff happening to him).
Recently this has been a lot on my mind, and i figured i wouldn't lose much by sharing and throwing it out there, maybe get some guidance on everything that i have been feeling.
I feel it may have impacted the way i see myself and my sexuality, especially since in my mind, i enjoyed the attention that i was given by my colleagues in those occasions. I also believe that in some sick way i enjoyed it all, sexually.
Hope my post doesn't break any rules, just thought i would try and share. Thank you for reading!
 
Welcome here, I'm sorry for what happened to you and what has brought you to this site. No one wants to be a member of this particular club.

As for not remembering things that happened, or not being sure, that seems to be fairly common. As I've seen pointed out here before, the brain can only handle reacting to a certain amount of trauma at a time, and other things get pushed aside. That you are thinking they happened may well indicate that they did, and you should perhaps explore that possibility more. You don't mention whether you have a therapist or not; perhaps working through some of your trauma (because the "bullying" behavior was trauma in itself) would help clear things up for you in terms of what did or did not happen.

Again, welcome to the site, I hope it can be a place of healing and connection for you.
 
I am so sorry for what happened to you. My counselor says that during trauma parts of our brain stop recording memories. So it is quite common not to remember. I am sorry for what happened to you, but am glad you found this place.
 
Thank you for the replies! They really do mean a lot.
I have been seeing a therapist for the last 2 years but never mentioned this as not only i didn't remember but more recently because i am scared to just think about the repercutions that this being real may have on myself.
Sharing has already proven to be very helpful and it's great to have support! Thank you
 
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad you had the courage to post it. Our bodies react sexually to physiological stimuli. That doesn’t make us bi or gay so don’t feel bad that your body may have reacted to being stimulated. I started with a therapist this year and things came out that happened to me over 50 years ago. I too have a lot that I don’t remember but am seeing other indications that more things were done to me than I remembered. This forum is a great help as we understand more than anyone what you went through. Welcome and feel free to keep posting as needed.
 
Hello everyone! I'd like to start out by saying that i'm not sure i belong here, especially after reading so many of your serious and heartbreaking stories.
I am not 100% sure what i am about to share is real, i know it might sound weird, especially since this happened in my highschool years, with me being 22 at the moment, but it has recently came to my mind, mostly after watching a show called 13 reasons why.
On my 10th grade, on several occasions (maybe around 10 times), i would be pinned down by some of my classmates and have not just classic bully things done to me, such as being beaten or having my head shoved in the toilet, but also (and this is the part i am not sure about) i believe i had many objects inserted in me such as deodorants, brooms, pens... again, i know it might sound weird that i am not sure this happened but i don't know at what point the show i watched triggered me (one of the characters has some similar stuff happening to him).
Recently this has been a lot on my mind, and i figured i wouldn't lose much by sharing and throwing it out there, maybe get some guidance on everything that i have been feeling.
I feel it may have impacted the way i see myself and my sexuality, especially since in my mind, i enjoyed the attention that i was given by my colleagues in those occasions. I also believe that in some sick way i enjoyed it all, sexually.
Hope my post doesn't break any rules, just thought i would try and share. Thank you for reading!
Hi pefiduarte,

The events that bring us here are of varying clarity. So there’s no need to feel self conscious or hesitant about opening up.

Many of have triggers and learn of new triggers we didn’t know we had. The show you mention 13 Reasons Why, is a great show that discusses some important topics. The scene, and I’m sure we’re taking the same one, for me had a visceral response and it wouldn’t be until years had passed that I was ready to truly process why.

That you’re 22 and you’re at a place to recognize and address any unaddressed trauma is noteworthy and you should take solace in that fact. That’s incredibly brave.

I’ll also add that you’ve found a place that you can begin to have some of the tough realizations. I’ve found a great deal in sharing and being heard. Being seen. Being understood and understanding I wasn’t alone made a huge difference in my life. It gave me the strength to tell a secret I had held for 32 years with people who live known for my whole life and my wife of 20 years. That was a lot and I wish I had the courage to do it sooner.

So be patient and kind with yourself. Trauma like ours isn’t something that you should be subjected to and the healing process varies from person to person. But healing is possible.

Wishing you the best on your healing journey?
Jeremy
 
Hello Pefiduarte, I am so sorry for what happened to you. But its normal that u may have enjoy some of it. most people enjoy attention, I love attention. Having object inserted into your hole may not sound enjoyable and at the same feel great. these feelings come and go in time. Please do not get scared about the feels, your mind has to process the information. I was raped twice in my life age age 9 1/2 and then again at 17 1/2. After about 5 years I enjoyed using a pencil on and in my hole, yet now 49 years after the last rape I cant even have my Husband touch the hole with out me having flash backs. My brain hated the rapes then I learn to see how the butt hole can me a turn on to now I hate it again.

Thou you have come to the right place, healing takes time. Please continue to read our stories and post more of yours when you feel comfortable and ready.
 
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