Just because you are a survivor does not mean you get carte blanc

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Just because you are a survivor does not mean you get carte blanc
J

Jaxson

One of the things that many survivors faced was manipulation. And deceit.

And I have seen this even coming from survivors. Just because we are survivors doesn't mean we are automatically nice people. Sometimes, far from it.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have trusted survivors, worked hard with them, and then have it thrown back in my face when they get a wild hair up their ass. I do not fault myself for trusting or trying to help. That fault lies with the other party. Never blame yourself for doing the right thing, even if you are on the receiving end of manipulation or deceit by another survivor.

The WORST situation is when a survivor does this more than once and then, each time, acts like nothing happened as time passes. Nary an apology is forthcoming.

What I HAVE learned is that you need to take the measure of another person before you get too personal with them. I can count on one hand the people that have my complete and absolute trust. Trust is hard for ALL survivors.

Never, EVER, beat yourself up for doing the right thing just because someone used/abused you. As long as your side of the street is clean, you have a clear conscience.
 
Wise words, my friend.
 
That's my biggest concern coming to a new site....there are those that thrive on sites like this attempting to take advantage of those who are using the site for its intended use.
 
Jaxson said:
Never, EVER, beat yourself up for doing the right thing just because someone used/abused you. As long as your side of the street is clean, you have a clear conscience.
Click to expand...

I really like this last statement. I've been screwed over by so many people and they always try to find a way to blame the other person, but that's a reflection on them, not me. I did nothing wrong to them. They just demonstrated very poor - sometimes deeply corrupt - character.
 
Well said,. So far from reading the rules here and viewing guidelines I believe the organizers ? Founders ? Not sure of the correct term go out of their way to try to guard against and protect those that come here. Jaxson, I understand the trust issue. Currently events in my extended family are making me question those I loved as well. My thoughts and prayerson your journey.

Well said,. For the record I hope everyone here finds those close someones that they can trust that loves them without condition and provide support that we each sometimes need on this journey.

Much respect

Sawyer
 
and anytime you have concerns whether on posts or in chat - there is a "REPORT" function that will alert mods to any behavior you think is suspicious or if you think someone may be "fake" and up to no good. just explain in detail what your thoughts are so the Mods can address them.
 
and many just "browse" without logging in. (but registered members do that sometimes too)
 
Good advice Jaxson... I'm a relative newbie and really have had no experience here with anything that seems off to me. Yes, there are differences in how folks approach the reality of trauma in their lives, but fortunately I've not encountered behavior that troubles me. But I get the sentiment that surviving is not a guarantee for civility or generosity or caring, for that matter. I know I've spent much of my life trying to get approval from others, so I would be susceptible to being taken advantage of. Fortunately, as I've worked to heal it has been easier to discern what serves me and what doesn't. I take you message to mean it is not a mistake to be generous even while remaining alert for those who may not play nice. I can work with that. I appreciate words of wisdom from someone who has been here for some time.
 
It's a fact of life , were you come across that type of person in all walks of it.
Learning to look out for one's self and value your self really helps to seeing who is good for you and who isn't

Peace
HL
 
Dale M said:
That's my biggest concern coming to a new site....there are those that thrive on sites like this attempting to take advantage of those who are using the site for its intended use.
Click to expand...
It’s relatively safe here. I haven’t had any issues...
 
I agree with Jaxson that there can be a person who signed up without telling the truth, for whatever end. I too know it to be very rare.

My take is, unofficial, I volunteer to greet, that's all, there are a lot of regular registrants or members here most of the time. I think there is at least one and many who are old-timers, and might recognize something is off. There's nothing wrong with sending a report in, that's what mods are here for. I think I've noticed maybe two men have a message that closes a thread, and the mods state they're going to evaluate the situation. I'm sure those two men didn't use their sign-in from then on. I don't know anything about the procedure, I've no clue. The thing I wonder, is, might that person sign up again with a different sign-in name? Do mods know it's them? It's about IP address in the past, I don't know if that's still how anyone can check, nor do I know if that's what they're doing here?

I will report, I have respect for men who are working on the many parts of childhood sexual assault and rape, we have adult sexual assaults too, the trauma has shown pervasive ptsd. I know that with childhood sexual trauma, cptsd is common. We have a lot of work in our lives, it's not fair, but it's what we strive for. We take care of each other. This is a very good place to do what you're working on.
 
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