While you may feel alone in your corner of the world you are not alone in this world, right here on this site are so many brothers who have and are walking in your shoes, understand just about everything you are going through and do care about you.
As for where was/is God in all this? If he even exists... For me the proof of God is all the good & beauty I see. #1 is love and I mean real love. I can't see a sunrise or sunset, an untouched landscape, the ocean, a baby, even a baby animal and not see all the hope & promise and even the hand of God in all that. On the opposite side of the spectrum is all the evil in the world and around us, and this is where I think satan screwed up in that his proof of himself (to me) has only reinforced my belief & trust in God. But why me or others are being/were hurt? Free will, free will (from what I've come to understand it) is what God gave to us to choose to walk with him (or not), to be a friend, to be our perfect Heavenly Father for mutual love & enjoyment. Other people's free will does effect us just as our free will for good or for bad effects other people. I believe God loves us and wants us to love and trust him, in & with him we can find healing & inner peace. As for the big bang theory, grab all the stuff inside and outside your house, tumble it all together and throw it high in the air and see the world that is born of that mess and then try to explain to me how there was no intelligent design/God. As much as God loves me & you, satan all the while has been trying to destroy all of us, blind us & lie to us, and I've come to understand that he's pretty good at what he does. I've come to trust God's will & plan for us and this world he created, even the stuff I don't like about it (such as satan & evil) and don't understand his reasoning for. He's a gentleman though and doesn't force himself on us, he leaves the decision of a relationship up to us.
Myself I got saved at 12, I was grasping at anything to save me. Believe me, I had a lot of reasons to not believe and to even curse & hate God as a child, for one my mother dying when I was 5, the hell of a broken childhood & family many times over, the ongoing sexual abuse and all that it brought. If it wasn't for my own peace with trusting and walking with the Lord, and believe me I'm far from perfect and no angel, that I wouldn't have been able to both forgive myself and even my abuser. I had this/my basic of understanding of God and my relationship of God/us before I had kids but it didn't really hit home until I had my first child what real love was, how forgiving & loving God is for us, how he grieves with us. When you consider God's realm is outside of time as we know it and when eternity is his time and can be for us that the hurt in this lifetime will be just a blip, but his love will endure forever and I find comfort & hope in this.