Just another rant about god

Bornfree

Registrant
That's an interesting perspective, @Silentwar. I haven't heard about the government planning to go door to door to inoculate us - probably because it's not true. Even if the government was able to do such a thing, and they're not, entire states in this country refuse to be vaccinated ... and unsurprisingly, covid is killing those people. If people want to be killed by covid, that's not my problem, but it is nice that most of them are staying far away from me and my kid who is still too young to be vaccinated for covid.
But I don't want to die by covid. I had mild covid last April, ok, so I got through that, but now my sense of smell is screwed up, and my taste, and I still lack energy at times. What is this body anyhow? I remember one time, it was at night, sleeping, I "dreamt" that God came into my room, sat on the corner of my bed and said, "David, everything is going to be alright" said it twice, then got up, and walked out of the room. Now what makes this more interesting, is that I "felt" the corner of my bed "sink" down as he sat there and he put his hand on my leg, and then when he got up, I felt my bed return to normal. I watched him walk through the closed door. I was 8 yrs old, I think I may have been having problems at school, not sure, but the "dream" is so incredibly vivid, in so many ways, it really makes me wonder about the reality of God. I have prayed, and asked for help so many times, but it feels as if my cries for help go unanswered. Where is God now? Anyone know?
 

Bornfree

Registrant
Right here among us.
Sometimes no answer is also an answer. Sometimes prayers are answered not with the answer that we want. And a lot of times prayers are not, for lack of a better way of putting it, not prayed in the "right" way.
When I think about God now, I tend to think we humans, and all of life are God!
 
I "dreamt" that God came into my room, sat on the corner of my bed and said, "David, everything is going to be alright" said it twice, then got up, and walked out of the room.
I'm certainly not qualified to judge what this was, but I personally have had dreams so vivid I could swear they were real. I've also heard authoritative voices talking to me, but it was in the middle of a derealization episode. As an atheist, these would be my interpretations of your event, but you are free to interpret what happened in any way you choose. I'll note that your interpretation that you spoke to God seems to have you in some amount of mental discomfort right now. Personally I would prefer to believe an explanation that eased my mind instead of one that invited more anguish into my life.
 

DavidM-LT

Staff member
Hey there @Bornfree, That idea of God isn't at all the Judeo-Christian concept. But according to that Judeo-Christian concept, we are made in the image and likeness of God. We're "ranked" even above the angels. Not knocking down your idea, just stating a position.

Regarding your dream, was it God? Sure could have been, but doesn't mean it was. There's a lot that's involved in a setting like that; too much to say much about here and publicly.

It often seems that prayers go unanswered. But sometimes the answer to our prayers aren't what we hoped for or intended. The same for the timeframe. But that doesn't mean that they're not heard. :)
 

MO-Survivor

Staff member
It often seems that prayers go unanswered. But sometimes the answer to our prayers aren't what we hoped for or intended. The same for the timeframe. But that doesn't mean that they're not heard. :)
I 100% agree. There have been so many times when I have thought what I thought should be done, and even what I thought would happen, only to have things (almost every time) play out very differently - but generally for the better than if my outcome had been what happened.
 

ODAT

Registrant
Sometimes God has better plans for us than what we can think of. I’ve heard it said,
“If God is your co-pilot, switch seats…”
 

Eric66

Registrant
I believe that God does whatever he wants to do and is accountable to no one/nothing. Most/many Christians (and I used to be a pastor/missionary) have a way of justifying anything/everything they want/need to to keep god “positive” in their minds.
I’ve had encounters with god also (not on the edge of my bed….but similar). Was it actually him?? I believe so. Does he show up when I call for him or need him or beg for help? No. He does what he does with completely randomness. Some believers believe you can get many people to pray for something and that is somehow suppose to manipulate god into action. That doesn’t make sense.
At any rate….believe what you believe.
 

Celtaf

Registrant
I believe that God does whatever he wants to do and is accountable to no one/nothing. Most/many Christians (and I used to be a pastor/missionary) have a way of justifying anything/everything they want/need to to keep god “positive” in their minds.
I’ve had encounters with god also (not on the edge of my bed….but similar). Was it actually him?? I believe so. Does he show up when I call for him or need him or beg for help? No. He does what he does with completely randomness. Some believers believe you can get many people to pray for something and that is somehow suppose to manipulate god into action. That doesn’t make sense.
At any rate….believe what you believe.
I was taught similar things about God in my first church, but it was a "prosperity gospel" church that subscribed to the "name it and claim it" school of thought. My own study revealed to me that God has His own purposes, and that prayer is more like aligning ourselves with those purposes. I do not pretend to know exactly how that works, but I have certainly found that pursuing the things that are identified with God are better than otherwise. Like it says in Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
 

Silentwar

Registrant
I believe that God does whatever he wants to do and is accountable to no one/nothing. Most/many Christians (and I used to be a pastor/missionary) have a way of justifying anything/everything they want/need to to keep god “positive” in their minds.
I’ve had encounters with god also (not on the edge of my bed….but similar). Was it actually him?? I believe so. Does he show up when I call for him or need him or beg for help? No. He does what he does with completely randomness. Some believers believe you can get many people to pray for something and that is somehow suppose to manipulate god into action. That doesn’t make sense.
At any rate….believe what you believe.

“Does he show up when I call for him or need help? No.”

Then what is the actual fucking point of god and this life? If he just does what he wants and his plan will come fruition regardless, and nothing I do can change that then what is the point?

The older I get, the angrier I become. I can’t fucking stand it. I cannot fucking stand it anymore. I only hope this latest war levels this fucking world. It is just a realm of punishment and I’m sick of it.

So many regrets, so many bad memories, so many body memories. Missed opportunities and decades of self doubt and isolation.

I cannot stand this place.
I cannot stand this fucking life much longer.
I hate it, love is a false doctrine. Life starts with rape at 5 years old and ends at 51 living in a spare room with a bad back.

I don’t know what to do, I came here for answers and the truth is I’m filled with fucking rage. All of the the fucking time. All of the time. Even when I sleep.
I think I’m going insane.
 
Last edited:

Celtaf

Registrant
“Does he show up when I call for him or need help? No.”

Then what is the actual fucking point of god and this life? If he just does what he wants and his plan will come fruition regardless, and nothing I do can change that then what is the point?

The older I get, the angrier I become. I can’t fucking stand it. I cannot fucking stand it anymore. I only hope this latest war levels this fucking world. It is just a realm of punishment and I’m sick of it.

So many regrets, so many bad memories, so many body memories. Missed opportunities and decades of self doubt and isolation.

I cannot stand this place.
I cannot stand this fucking life much longer.
I hate it, love is a false doctrine. Life starts with rape at 5 years old and ends at 51 living in a spare room with a bad back.

I don’t know what to do, I came here for answers and the truth is I’m filled with fucking rage. All of the the fucking time. All of the time. Even when I sleep.
I think I’m going insane.

I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old are you now? Did the realization of your past harm come to you recently, or have you been dealing with it for quite a while?
 

Silentwar

Registrant
I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old are you now? Did the realization of your past harm come to you recently, or have you been dealing with it for quite a while?
I’m 51 and I’ve been living with the full realisation of what happened to me since my mid teens. It started around the age of 5 and stopped around the age of 12. So my life has been a prison sentence with no parole. And the only way the pain and loneliness will end is when I’m dead.
 

Blueshawk

Registrant
So many regrets, so many bad memories, so many body memories. Missed opportunities and decades of self doubt and isolation.

I cannot stand this place.
I can only imagine how painful it is to have lived all your life like others here with memories of your abuse. I only remembered recently and it was the hardest and darkest thing I've ever lived thru. I guess I was kinda idealistic about life before that. There was a song that at the time gave voice to the pain and to the question, where was God? Go to YouTube and look for "A Prayer (Explicit Version)" if interested.

We didn't need to be abused to know that innocent people suffer, but it sure brings home that this world is a place of suffering. Love is real and it's still possible, but real love in this world is gonna be accompanied by sacrifice and suffering. I was a Christian before remembering my abuse and I'm a Christian now, but the message that God's love is seen in Jesus' suffering resonates deeper now, as does Jesus' promise of rest for your soul now in this world.

I just read a news story about a woman whose family went to a megachurch where the husband served on staff. When she found out her husband was physically and mentally abusing their kids, and later found out sexually too, the church stood with him against her even thru his trial and conviction and still today. The world and the church let her down but thru her suffering God still worked and she has this heart for hurting women in prison, and along with being with them has an open phone line for them to call her 24/7. Love's possible, even in a place like this, for all of us.
 

DavidM-LT

Staff member
That was beautifully put @Blueshawk.

@Silentwar, when I read your post yesterday I thought "hey... I actually could have written that today. Seriously."
I've been Catholic my whole life, and have not regretted that at all. There are times where I'm disappointed in the hierarchy, even furious. But not with the Church. Her teachings are beautiful, and full of love. The way that some put them into practice is a different story just as the way that there are some who ignore them.

Love is not possible without pain. For, to love is to take on something of the other; to allow yourself to be touched. Love isn't just the blissful side of things.

But back to the topic of the thread: the presence of evil does not nullify the presence of God nor the existence of God.

I don’t know what to do, I came here for answers and the truth is I’m filled with fucking rage. All of the the fucking time. All of the time. Even when I sleep.
I think I’m going insane.
Honestly, I still have days like this. Thankfully they're not so often anymore. One of the things that completely enrages me is the answer (and it's variants): you have the choice and power to change how you feel; it's up to you to make a change.

As much as that infuriates me, when I'm faced with dealing with a-holes and rejection, non-acceptance of who I am as a person... as much as it infuriates me, it's true. Anger is part and parcel of the burden that we all bear here. It's normal, and it's a stage. There are many times when I just want someone to plainly love me for me. Love me when I do something stupid. Say that it's okay. Say that it wasn't a big deal (the stupid thing done). Or even say that it was bad and stupid, but that they're still there with me. Accept the hell that I went through, even up till recently, and don't hold it against me. I'm not perfect.

I don't have that person. Can't physically hear the words or get a hug.

But I promise that Jesus is there saying all of that to you. Just like he says it to me.
 

Celtaf

Registrant
I’m 51 and I’ve been living with the full realisation of what happened to me since my mid teens. It started around the age of 5 and stopped around the age of 12. So my life has been a prison sentence with no parole. And the only way the pain and loneliness will end is when I’m dead.
I know it's not what you were writing about, but my concern is dealing with your pain and suffering. It obviously had a devastated effect on your life. Your grief is overwhelming. Have you ever had any help, anyone to listen to you, anyone guiding you through it? Have you been able, at all, to wrap your mind around what happened?

The reason I ask is that this reminds me of a good friend, who had been abused as a child into his early adolescence, and since no one in his family recognized that he had been abused, he felt crazy, and it was almost impossible for him to move past it. Even though he would say "I know what happened" he was stuck there. It seems to be that way for many of us, that saying the words doesn't help deal with what it meant to us, how it affected us, and how the struggles in our lives are affected by it.

I wonder what you would need to feel some sense of peace and healing. I think that without that it is impossible hard.

Sorry, I realize that this was about thoughts you were voicing about God, but I feel less concerned about that and more concerned about how you are facing your trauma. I'm just seeing another one of us suffering right now.
 

Silentwar

Registrant
I’ve been to see a therapist about 4 times. Some were good, others not so much. The problem is life keeping happening, my mother passed away from lung cancer in 2018 and my abusive ‘dad’ has the deeds to the grave and won’t give her a headstone. That’s the short version. I also reported the rapist to the police around 2009 and he was arrested. After a year of investigations, he was released without charge. Because it was my word against his.

So, I have many instances where things fucked up and I’ve got it down to two things: god isn’t here or god is here and doesn’t care. I keep posting here in case someone says anything I can relate to, but I’m convinced things are winding down for me.

Secretly I plan to get rid of everything I own and then get rid of myself. That’s always the back up plan. Unless a miracle happens. And we all know that they don’t, not in this modern age.
 

Silentwar

Registrant
I think I’m in the wrong forum, it’s pointless being here whinging about god. Like some idiot looking for attention.
 

Not_our_fault

Registrant
I would recommend reading outgrowing god by Richard Dawkins and god is not great by Christopher Hitchens and then watching Christopher Hitchens on YouTube.
 

DavidM-LT

Staff member
I think I’m in the wrong forum, it’s pointless being here whinging about god. Like some idiot looking for attention.
On the contrary, whining/complaining could be a way of looking for answers. I didn’t really see you as whining. Airing frustrations and anger, looking for an explanation(s), certainly. So this very well could be the right place. Not necessarily this thread, but the spirituality section.

On the other hand the following comment:
I would recommend reading outgrowing god by Richard Dawkins and god is not great by Christopher Hitchens and then watching Christopher Hitchens on YouTube.
I would respectfully say doesn’t have a place here. For sure, I’m not seeking to start a battle. But it baffles me as to why those who are anti-religion, or anti-spirituality, or anti-God come and pounce on others who are seeking, and seeking in a place that’s specifically created for things spiritual.
 
Top