Just a great thing that happened today
In December 2001, my wife and me came across the very disturbing story of a then 5-year old boy, Jona.
His story came to us through a friend of my wife, she works for the council for the protection of children - not an institution I hold in the highest regard, although some individual staffmembers of that organisation actually do care about kids, my wife's friend being definately one of them- She told us, she was looking for a home for a very badly hurt little boy. Someplace with lots of things to explore and a place where love would be unconditional, a place where little Jona could come to terms with himself and his ordeal.
We met Jona a few days later, talked and played a bit. He liked us, and we just loved him from the start. Within the shortest possible time, he was put into our care, first as a foster-arrangement, later - because it became apparent that not only Jona kept to himself out of fear of rejection, but also because this lad really needed a stable home/some normality I suppose, we adopted Jona.
Since April of 2002 Jona has my last name, and another first name- which I shall not mention here for reasons of privacy-A new period of our lives began. For us all.
Now, anyone who adopted an older child can tell you, its a hard thing, because the child naturally carries past behaviours and hurt with it.
Jona was no exception.
He had lots of difficulty connection to people, still has but he is improving.
He is also very timid and downright scared to be touched, pretty much unavoidable with a 6 year old.
He also clearly demonstrated the very behaviour known to most of us.
As if he didn't belong. As if he was not worthy of our love to him.
Today as we were driving home, he asked me,
why I love him, why I care for him.
I was pretty blown right off the earth for a few moments. Mind you: My son of 6 asks me the very same questions I ask myself every day.
I pulled over and put him on my knee. looked straight at him and told him: I have no idea why I just do and you mean the world to me, little guy. Just don't ever think there is anything at all which would chance that. No matter what I will love you, because you are my son.
He just threw himself around my neck and kissed me.
(he never did that before! not even a goodnight kiss)
And he said this: I love you too, you're the best daddy in the intire world.
Now.
I have not cried for as long as I can recall. But today, that little guy made my face look like the Niagara falls, I can asure you of that.
Some strange twist of faith has brought this little one into our lives, and it seems we both need to grow.
I was a few years older than he is now, when I was first molested, but I think we can overcome, and this boy, my son, reminds me.
I have no choise, I have to deal with this and many things more, for he needs me to be his dad, I cannot be a kid anymore, This little guy needs me.
And I shall not fail him, the trust he has shown me he has in me, must be such a huge step for him. He took me by the hand today, and said to me that I am wanted and loved.
I have found a reason to be strong.
Thank you my son.
His story came to us through a friend of my wife, she works for the council for the protection of children - not an institution I hold in the highest regard, although some individual staffmembers of that organisation actually do care about kids, my wife's friend being definately one of them- She told us, she was looking for a home for a very badly hurt little boy. Someplace with lots of things to explore and a place where love would be unconditional, a place where little Jona could come to terms with himself and his ordeal.
We met Jona a few days later, talked and played a bit. He liked us, and we just loved him from the start. Within the shortest possible time, he was put into our care, first as a foster-arrangement, later - because it became apparent that not only Jona kept to himself out of fear of rejection, but also because this lad really needed a stable home/some normality I suppose, we adopted Jona.
Since April of 2002 Jona has my last name, and another first name- which I shall not mention here for reasons of privacy-A new period of our lives began. For us all.
Now, anyone who adopted an older child can tell you, its a hard thing, because the child naturally carries past behaviours and hurt with it.
Jona was no exception.
He had lots of difficulty connection to people, still has but he is improving.
He is also very timid and downright scared to be touched, pretty much unavoidable with a 6 year old.
He also clearly demonstrated the very behaviour known to most of us.
As if he didn't belong. As if he was not worthy of our love to him.
Today as we were driving home, he asked me,
why I love him, why I care for him.
I was pretty blown right off the earth for a few moments. Mind you: My son of 6 asks me the very same questions I ask myself every day.
I pulled over and put him on my knee. looked straight at him and told him: I have no idea why I just do and you mean the world to me, little guy. Just don't ever think there is anything at all which would chance that. No matter what I will love you, because you are my son.
He just threw himself around my neck and kissed me.
(he never did that before! not even a goodnight kiss)
And he said this: I love you too, you're the best daddy in the intire world.
Now.
I have not cried for as long as I can recall. But today, that little guy made my face look like the Niagara falls, I can asure you of that.
Some strange twist of faith has brought this little one into our lives, and it seems we both need to grow.
I was a few years older than he is now, when I was first molested, but I think we can overcome, and this boy, my son, reminds me.
I have no choise, I have to deal with this and many things more, for he needs me to be his dad, I cannot be a kid anymore, This little guy needs me.
And I shall not fail him, the trust he has shown me he has in me, must be such a huge step for him. He took me by the hand today, and said to me that I am wanted and loved.
I have found a reason to be strong.
Thank you my son.
I deal with many many abused children and sometimes it takes hours to renew my spirit after seeing them. 
I shall think of that wonderful experience you shared whenever I get down. 