Jus me thinkin

Jus me thinkin

reality2k4

Registrant
Lord, I sought you when I was a little boy.
Even when I thought you never listened to his plight, he prayed to the Holy Spirit to ask you for guidance in his life.

Was it you who picked me up? Or, was it the strength you seemed to give me then. I will not know in this life.

You gave me, a certain strength in life, not in brawn or muscle, but one of understanding and empathy for my fellow men.

In my soul, I am still that frightened little boy who would beg you in chapel, and then scurry off home to cry, before anybody saw his tears on his walk home.

I remember my fixation with mirrors, and how it came about, and yes, it is like the ugly duckling who tries to turn into a swan, but you let me know that it was not my mind that was ugly, but the ugliness that brought me to you.

Maybe those mirrors constantly reflected the hurt of my soul, or maybe they just reflected someone I did not really get to know.

All of my abusers surely pay for what they did to me, but you always tell me to forgive, and so I do, and then take the blame for their guilt in this life, which I don't think is so fair, but yes, I can forgive so much, because I have already done that.

Should I forgive my abusive brother who the family is siding with, as he vents venom for really no reason, or do I fight him, and up to now I have ignored him, and told him to not ever speak to me again.

Should I make his Christmas really good by sending him a letter to let him know just how much he mentally abused me, and also my father and siblings with his out of control anger?

He vents this anger to me, and then comes around the next day to try and talk, and yes, there is talking to be done, but only about his still abusive nature, which is alien to me, because sometimes he is all so friendly to me also.

I know that he is like this because he was first born, and sexual abuse that happened to me, meant that he was fiercely jealous that I became a favoured son of my parents, and he really whacked me for it.

He disowned me as a young boy, even when I begged him to not hurt me, he did it in front of everyone who knew me, including his own “friends”.

It is a fact that an overprotective parent can cause so much damage to the kid, as the parent starts to look after the damaged child while neglecting his other siblings, or so they feel.

I hated the overprotection of my dad, it made me just feel so different from my own brothers and sister, but yes, I was different, and I did not need this overprotectivness, but I did not know any better than what I was offered.

It just leads to feeling different to other kids, and I guess I just decided to break free from my family life.

I only understand this by listening to the things that go on today, with the younger members, who sadly are not visiting here any more.

I am sorry for the rant, but I never feel grounded at Christmas, as I use the feast to celebrate to spiritually be part of the real meaning, and that of the birth of a new born baby, and one who was special to the World, but denied his faith in humanity.

I guess it is just me, feeling so down sometimes on how society is today, and how vulnerable he can be, and just how may people will snipe at me for being vulnerable, so I mask it so well.

I have to do it, just to survive in a hostile World, but I am always conscious of it throughout life, which I suppose is wrong, but I real wish that my dreams come true, and I can get above these things,

Take care,

ste
 
O boy, I never realise this about my elder brother and it is so true. He must have hated me getting all the attention, that's why he disconnected and lashed out so often and I ended up hating him. It wasn't really his fault.

Though he cares about me, sometimes those old wounds of parental rejection come forth and he starts resenting me all over again. Not his fault.

But that doesn't mean he can continue to misbehave, he has to learn to behave and if I dont tell him, then I am just encouraging him, and his rage...
 
Ste,

I read the above and feel for you with all my heart. This kind of thing appears on the DB quite frequently, and my reaction is always more or less the same.

It seems to me that we have the right to dignity and respect, not only from family members, but ESPECIALLY from family members. Relatives who think they can treat us badly because of our relationship with them have a totally screwed up idea of what a "family" really is.

A central figure in your case seems to be this older brother who sometimes treats you well but other times treats you badly. But the bottom line is he behaves as he wants - what you feel or need means nothing to him. If you can do so, I would say set your boundaries with him and then stick with them. You have every right to walk out of a discussion where the rules are all one sided and where you as a person just don't matter. I don't think anyone needs this.

I have said elsewhere (and so won't go into details here) that I have a very dysfunctional part to my own family as well. I finally gave up on these people and refused to put up with their selfishness and hypocrisy any longer. And you know what? 1) I am much happier, and so are the people in my family that I really care about. And 2) I doubt that the people I have cut out of my life really care, and in fact I am not sure they even notice.

I guess we all deal with these things differently, but I really treasure the holiday times BECAUSE I can share them with loving and caring people who are close to me. As I don't expect to live for 200 years, I feel I have the right to reserve my heart and sentiments for people who are really going to react and show me something similar in return. I don't look on the family vultures with anger or resentment. Even that takes too much of my energy and they aren't worth it. Should they ever wish to re-establish contact with me and show some willingness to hold up their side of the relationship, that would be fine. But I know that won't happen, so I refuse to devote any further energy or effort to them.

I have been talking about me, I know, but I guess my point is that you DO have the right to cut loose from people who only bring you pain and distress, even if they are siblings. You aren't being selfish if you do that; you are simply claiming your right to peace and dignity.

Much love,
Larry
 
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