Jokes/Riddles

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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

fsh

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eyed deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still, no eyed deer

What do you call a deer with glasses on?

Bad idea!

What do you call a fish who only cares about himself?

Selfish
 
K

king tut

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A man was locked in a room with only a bed, a calendar, and a piano.
How did he drink?
How did he eat
How did he get out?

A second man was locked in a room with only a mirror and a table. How did he get out?

A third man was locked in an empty room. How did he escape?

First man answer

The first man drank from the springs of the bed, ate the dates off the calendar and played the piano until he found the right key, which he used to unlock the door.

Second man answer

The second man looked in the mirror to see what he saw. Then he took the saw and cut the table in half. Next, he put the two halves together to make a whole. Finally, he crawled out through the hole.

Third man answer

The third man broke out with the measles.
 
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king tut

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What always runs but never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?

River

What is in seasons, seconds, centuries and minutes but not in decades, years or days?

The letter "N"

The person who makes it, sells it. The person who buys it never uses it and the person who uses it doesn't know they are. What is it? (slightly dark one)

Coffin

What's black when you get it, red when you use it, and white when you're all through with it?

Charcoal

I am always hungry,
I must always be fed,
The finger I touch,
Will soon turn red

What are you?
Fire

I have a foot but no legs, what am I?

A snail

Im tall when Im young and Im short when Im old. What am I?
A candle

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
Short
 
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Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it?
Nothing

If I have it, I dont share it. If I share it, I dont have it. What is it?
A Secret.

What has hands but can not clap?
A clock


What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?
Silence.


You draw a line. Without touching it, how do you make the line longer?
You draw a shorter line next to it, and it becomes the longer line.
 
T

txb

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Awesome :grin: This is the thread where I think my best EVER joke will be appreciated.

What do you call a woman who works in a crab factory?
Shelly

I have no idea why I find that so hilarious. I used to have a load of those "What do you call a..." jokes but that's the only one I really remember. Unfortunately no one else really appreciates its hilarity.
 
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king tut

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I do appreciate it lol- I can't believe I couldn't guess what the answer was going to be before pressing show me
 
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king tut

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What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple stream?
It makes a splash




What did zero say to eight?
Nice belt.

What did number 1 say to 7?
Nice hair

Why is number 6 afraid?
Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
 
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king tut

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What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Do-you-think-he-saur-us

What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?
Do-you-think-he-saur-us-Rex
 
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