Job stress, CSA, and paranoia

Job stress, CSA, and paranoia
A

Aden

Registrant
The last few weeks have been kind of stressful for me. Aside from the holidays (thank God thats over with!) The main stressor has been my job.

I really liked my job. 99% of the time I was completely on my own, by myself and unsupervised. It didnt pay all that much but then I dont need that much and it was entirely stress free.

My boss got demoted and I got promoted to head the department. I didnt really want the job but it was either me or this other jerk who I didnt want to work under. I was the only reasonable choice for the position anyway. And I can handle the new position with skill and grace. Our output has already begun to show noticeable improvement, and the administration is pleased with our new direction.

It just that it is tough to adjust from being unsupervised to being the supervisor. Before, I spent all of my time alone and now my whole job is to deal with other people. I had my own projects to work on and now I dont. I have everyone elses projects to oversee. But the really difficult part is dealing with the different personalities. That is one stressor that isnt going to go away.

The thing is, I dont handle confrontation all that well. And there is no way to avoid occasional confrontation in this new job. I can do it in the moment, but sometimes I pay a serious price emotionally because of the self doubt I have to live with. Thats an effect of C.S.A.

So far I am doing just fine, but I am afraid of what could happen. Sometime I dwell on meaningless things and become unbalanced. That can lead to flesh eating rashes, suicidal thoughts, and general irritability. Am no where near that right now. And would like to avoid going there. For now I am just worried about becoming worried...

Sounds a little compulsive, doesnt it?

Any suggestions?

Aden
 
Hey Aden,

Sounds like you've been reading my therapists notes! :-)

For me, this is one area where my new found skills for living a reasonable life are most definitely put to the test.

Just when, with the help of my bevy of psychological professionals, my life and its problems were getting a little more manageable---POW!>>>the next level--which I like to call,

Other Peoples Problems.

I want to make them all go to therapy, take the drugs I have to take and generally do their own damned life work. But I can't make them do anything, including their jobs, and so I had to begin trying to learn to practice that incredibly useful but hard to do skill called
detachment.

In the end it was up to me to practice more stringent mental discipline. It seems that I cannot control my emotions once they get unleashed. And I end up with the whirling mass of barbed wire in my gut that is so minimized by its name anxiety. They ought to call it "ripping constantly at your intestines-iety".

But it seems that certain thoughts or trains of thought lead me to that terrible emotional state that spins beyond my control. So I began to stop my thoughts when they approached those dangerously slippery slopes leading into the whirling abyss.

One of my first clues: Being awakened by terrible anxiety at three AM does not mean that it's a good time to ruminate over my latest crisis du jour. Better to watch bad TV or read a detective novel.

Anyway I've been working on this for years and it has gotten better. So much of it depends on my emotional, mental, spiritual condition (damn it, I hate that!).

And in this specific case it seems really important to stop my mind when it gets too close to those 'worry' spots in my reality.

Continuing to work on the underlying causes is a good long-term project, but for the immediate, just telling my brain, "Don't go there!" seems to save me from going down that rocky road of taking on Other Peoples Problems.

I am now self-employed, but I still tell everyone that my boss is crazy!

You'll do good with this, painful though it may be. Your determination to grow beyond the limitations imposed by the sexual abuse, and your willingness to risk and try will carry you through.

And the great thing for me and for you too, is that we don't have to go through these learning curves alone!

Take good care of yourself, Aden.

Regards,
 
God, this is a tough one for me. But this is not about me, let's talk about me.
Come on, it doesn't hurt to start with a little humor.
What I want to say is that you were picked for this job for reasons that your supervisors thought were important.
"Productivity has already improved?"
Do I make my point?
Something was going on that you were maybe not privy to and puttting you in the job created an atmosphere of a somewhat more freeing nature for the rest of the "crew."
Besides, you seem like a reasonable person and maybe the last person, wasn't.
Maybe your approach is to let these other folks do their thing without over supervising them and they really work for you.
Someone once told me that you bring about 50% of what you need into a new job, especially a supervisory job, and you learn the other 50% as you go along.
If what you post here is any indication of how you supervise, I'm thinking that you'll do just fine, and you'll soon have those butterflies in your stomach, flying in formation.
It will take some time maybe, but I'm thinking that you're going to be your own kind of surpervisor because you know what you liked and did not like from others who have surpervised you.
Good luck, Aden, you're the man that they want, and you don't have to be "the Donald," to be a success.

In your corner,

David
 
Aden, I am probably speaking from the same point here.

I know that you are probably the best one for the job, the production and admin speak for that.

Trouble is though, you probably are finding it so hard to adjust to a new role of supervising, and not the hands on approach that fulfilled you.

I find it extremely hard to judge people, I hate confrontations, and I avoid them but bottle them up instead.

In my work place I get on with a lot of people, but if I was to become supervisor, then I think that it would not be worth the emotional cost, if it did not work out, so I avoid promotion.

I feel the same about looking for a job with better pay. If I did find one, and it was more stressful, then the money would count for sweet nothing, so I tend to stick with what I know.

You probably expect a high standard from everyone, but tone it down, just be fair with all of them, and keep them onside.

Try to get to know them, and be interested in what they do socially, family, etc.

This time of the year is always so much more stressful anyhow, without worrying about anything else,

take care,

ste
 
Aden,
I agree with you 100%, self doubt, not wanting confrentation, scuidial thoughts, and irritibility are all the problems that I am experiencing in my job. I don't know what you mean by flesh eating rash, but I know my psorasis tends to flair up when I am stressed and irritible (which is a lot of the time so...).

I deal with the public and I have a real hard time telling customers things about there computer, always seem to want to please and not have any problems.

How do you deal with this? I have no clue, if you find out please tell me. I too would trade a higher paying more stressful job for a lower paying less stressful job in a heart beat. Course now I'm in a lower paying stressful job LOL

Just wanted to let you know your not alone.

Jason
 
I have been in management most of my working career. It was not until I started therapy that I realized why I hated confrontation. I still don't like it, but it is part of supervising people. I have an extremely stressful job, and it really got bad during the summer.

Hang in there! If you get to master this along with the SA problems, just think how GREAT you can become!!!

I struggle to cope with having to discipline people and with the petty political games that are a part of corporate America, but, hey that is the situation and we just have to work within the system or choose to work outside of it.

I have been in business for myself and it can be even more stressful.

Just think of how much you have overcome already! Kudos on your promotion!!!!!
 
Aden my brother. Think about this. You got the job. Why? Because they saw in you the skill you are so worried about. Your ability to handle others in an equitable, honest and non adversarial way. They are not phschic (damn I cannot spell). They saw it.

This leads me to my second thought. You deserved the promotion. You did not get it by default. I think that says volumes about Aden the Man.

It seems to me that with a little patience with yourself you too can see the obvious. You are a great guy and obviously a leader. Chew on that one for a while. Tastes good doesn't it. Kind of a scary thought thinking you deserve a good thing and have worth. Wow!!!

Congrats. ;)
 
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