Jay's death

Jay's death
G

G5

I'm still new to this site and the flurry of emotions that has been shaken up by joining the site and discussions has kept me away for a couple of weeks. Tonight I read about this persons death, and it really has effected me. I never knew him, but I feel so close to him.....this could've been me. This could've been any of us.
I think about suicide as an escape, but it's more of a cry for attention for me. The pain is and can be unbearable. I almost like the idea of taking my life knowing I will finally get the attention I crave......and I will always be remembered be it good or bad. But after losing an older brother to suicide, I've realized how it effects those who are around us first hand. I can't give up. I can't transfer my pain like that. I need to share it. To let others in and keep the pain at bay. This is crucial to surviving I believe. I and others here have been at the doorstep like Jay. We chose to close that door. I like to feel that my brother helped me close that door because he knows what he did was well....wrong. He wishes he were still here and I believe that to my core. I wish he was still here and we could work on things together.
We have to reach out no matter how hard you think it is. It is far easier to do this than live with the pain and give into it....and give into the perps. I wish Jay were still here. I don't know him but I miss him. I'm crying for him right now....I'm crying for all of us.

Please help me to stay involved in this website. I need your feedback no matter how small or trivial it may seem. I hope I haven't upset anyone with the few posts I've made. I'm just new here and sometimes I can bug people with my thoughts. I'm just trying to reach out.
Thnx
Chris
 
Cris,
Keep posting anytime you feel you need too thats why we are here. I'm sorry to hear about your brother.
James
 
Chris,

Good words, and good advice.
Stay in touch.
Remember that we are here to offer support to one another, and that it is o.k. to ask for help.
I don't post often, but I've been giving a lot of thought about Jay, and his decision.

It IS easier to reach out, than it is to close yourself off from the people that want to help.

Thanks for posting your thoughts.

Whicker
 
chris,
i also have been touched by the effects of suicide. i tried to end my life as a child when i was just shy of ten yrs of age. another attemted to take their life and i have lived with the repercussion of that ever since. one night three yrs ago i was once more at that door myself. what you said is so true about reaching out. the price that is paid for such a tragic decision is far too steep in so many ways. the blindness and hopelessness we feel when we are at that threshold is seemingly overwhelming, but somehow, somehow, we must turn back away from that door, and every turn is one more victory for life and survival. we must never forget the tragic price.
 
Chris
Suicide affects me deeply, I've been to the place you describe a couple of times. Mine was desparation after acting out, I didn't know how to stop and suicide became an option. Thankfully I also reached out.

My best friend Mick didn't reach out though, he was survivor from the same boarding school as me although we'd known each other since we were 5 yo. I miss him so much.

Also my older brother, who's stopping with me at the moment ( he lives in Canada ) made an attempt that nearly worked a few years ago ( stress & depression ) It's something we've talked about between us, not an easy conversation, but we're both so glad that we eventually came through.

There is life after the shit we've been through, we can heal ourselves. It's the hard way for sure.
After all, who likes doing hard work ?
But it gets easier as we go along, we learn new ways to cope, we put the abuse ( or whatever drives us to the edge ) into perspective and realise that we're worth so much more than the grief that suicide leaves behind.
I now know for certain that the efforts I make to heal myself are far better than leaving people I love and care about behind, not only with the grief and horror of suicide but with the added burden of all the reasons why. It's not fair to impose our abuse on others like that, which is what it does.
We need to place the guilt and shame back on the abusers where it firmly belongs, not on our loved ones. And we can do that far better by living and healing.

Dave
 
We need to place the guilt and shame back on the abusers where it firmly belongs, not on our loved ones. And we can do that far better by living and healing.
Click to expand...
Dave how true that is. Unforltunately there are times when suicide beckons like a temptress. I know for I have been there too. But luckily I survived and that is what is so important about your statement.

Chris and all of you we are better than those who abused us can ever be and despite their best efforts we will become the people we were meant to be.

It is so heartening to hear the comments from all of you.
 
Chris - I didn't know Jay either, not even sure if I ever read any posts he made. But that makes no difference. He suffered the, seemingly, intolerable pain that each of us here has suffered. For him, it was intolerable. My heart ahces for him and his family.
I've been to that edge myself, looked over and pulled myself back again and again and again. And every time I've found the strength to do that, I know I've made myself even stronger.
Sometimes I wonder if that strength is born from fear, fear of what awaits us on 'the other side'. The way I see it (on a good day), there must be some sort of master plan for each of us. I can't explain why, but for some reason we have been given a mission, a challenge. Maybe we have suffered and endured this pain so that some weaker soul did not have to. Maybe we are working toward a better life on 'the other side'. Maybe we are suffering for pain we've caused others in a previous life. Whatever the reason, it is up to us to forge ahead, to work for something we know we deserve in this life, or the next. Every day now I try to remind myself that I am up to the challenge. That I will complete this mission. Because when I do, then I'll know I did everything possible to heal the little boy that was not protected, to heal my own soul and, in the process, provide hope and inspiration to others, whether we share the same pain or not. When you find yourself approaching that edge, pull yourself back. Remind yourself that you are here for a reason and that you have the strength to endure, one more moment, one more day, one more cry, one more dark, lonely night. We've done it before so we know we can again. I hope today is better than yesterday and that tomorrow offers more hope, strength and peace in your soul.
 
Chris,

Please know that YOU, as a human being and fellow survivor, are welcome and SO worthy here. I know that there has been some ill-spirited things said about some people who use this site, and there have been some high emotions between members of this site. I think the nature of this site invites high emotions. We are all in various stages of our healing, and some are going to be more easily triggered than others. There are always going to be personality conflicts, as there will be in any large group of members. Overall, most people here get along, or at least treat each other civilly, even when things are more difficult. But at times, tempers will boil over, my own included, and it may not be a pretty site. I only try to make sure that I do not get any 'innocents' caught in my line of fire when I get angry with a person!

I am sure that you can understand being at the threshold of suicide. I think all here can relate to that, and possibly have tried it. I have been there several times before, and honestly, have been there few times even this week. But I am very fortunate to know that this site, and specific persons from here, are available to me always. I hope that you will realize that also, as will anyone else caught up in those feelings again.

You are very welcome here, and I wish you well and good luck with your healing.

Leosha
 
This has hit many of hard, despite how well we knew Jay. This whole week has been full of pain for many of us.

It is this ache that I can't get rid of. And it sounds like many others here have it too.

This ache is overwhelming. Maybe we see ourselves in Jay. Or just wish he could have held on. I don't know.

But we're all here together. And I think that is what counts right now. Is that we all try to get through this together.

Glad you're here.

-Sean
 
Amen to all of that, my brothers.

Let's help each other hang on. That's the greatest thing Jay has left me with. I treasure the time I've gotten to know him as a great gift. I want to hold on to the rest of you longer, tho.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Hey Guys - Suicide hits extremely hard and very close to home personally. It reminds me of just how lethal this recovering from sexual abuse can be! The statistic I hear is about 1 in 4 guys do not survive past their teens or early 20's. Their deaths may be from suicide (incl drug overdoses), "accidents" (car accidents when drunk and driving), disease (STD's, HIV), killed by 'Johns' when prostituting..... the aftermath of sexual abuse can be lethal. Jay reminds us of that! We need to keep talking, reaching out, looking out for each other and supporting one another in our common goals of recovery!! Life is too short to stop and fuss, argue, etc... recovery is our business!! We are together in this!

Howard
 
Chris & everyone else here -

I didn't know Jay either (Jay - a brightly coloured bird native to the Americas - hope he is flying free now), but it upset me the other night when I logged on to discover that our numbers were one less in a physical sense (but not in the spiritual)- I more or less immediately logged out because I didn't really want to hear it. 24 years.

December the 18th last year - it could have been me! Thankfully I finally reached out and got some support...I then found this site towards the end of the year. I still have bad times but I am winning and I WILL WIN.

Chris - take strength here and we can all win (it might hurt...no gain without pain).

Best wishes ..Rik
 
Thank you all so very much for your kind words of support. It's exactly what I needed and I'm glad i reached out. I really feel lucky tonight to have you all on my side....I've been searching for this support all my life since that M-F'r
took my childhood. I miss my brother deeply, I feel for Jay's family.....and I'm finding it really hard to type as I cry......this is sooo very hard but I'm going to stick with it. i want to give you all a hug....thank you....why does this all have to happen!!!? Jay deserves to be here, I miss him as if he werre my own brother......I want to say more but I think I'm tapped out.....Thank you all again!

Chris
 
Chris,

My brother, I'm not in the best place right now emotionally, but I wanted to say that I'm glad to know you, encouraged that you're with us and sticking with it, and grateful for your strength when it's so rough for you.

No, it isn't easy to go through what we're going through - it's bloody hard! But we have to stick by it, man, because we owe it to ourselves. No one else. We owe it to ourselves to get better, to be better. That's the great thing. We will.

Brother, again, I'm happy for you, and it's okay to cry. It takes strength to cry.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
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