I've lost hope for this society of ours...

BigV

Registrant
I've been telling my friends and family for the past two months that I've been looking for a job. I've been lying. I've never admitted to anyone that I've completely given up. I absolutely loath the idea of having to kiss ass with a boss who's trying to get me to work as hard as I can, while he/she banks the results of my hard work, while I live hand-mouth. I'm sick of being poor, but I'm completely fed up with employers whose only interest is money.

I've also been telling everyone that I'm taking a break from school, which is not entirely true. I was incredibly happy when I found out that I had been accepted as a mature student into a well known university, one that both my father and brother had graduated from. But, after two years of panic attacks, anxiety problems and retaking classes, I became fed up with dealing with the cold, impersonal machine that is the university. I didn't feel like I was getting an education, just being trained to follow a carrot on a string and to jump through hoops.

I've now become aware that all the conventional intelligence and educational psychological models that universities use to guide their decisions are deeply flawed. It's as simple as this: all the data they analyze is not the basis of their models, the models are the basis of how they analyze their data. "Outliers" like myself, who don't act and behave according to how a rational and predictable individual should (according to their theories and models) are ignored, because we are seen as random adorations, a result of meaningless noise in the data. University policy makers and administrators are entirely blind to the fact that individuals like myself are not the exception; we are important indicators as to viability of the system. But instead of paying attention to people like myself, they ignore us, because we are one-offs, and thus, negligible in our perceived importance. Men who are victims of female sexual predators, and/or recovering from physical and psychological abuse at the hands of female teachers during early education(I'm describing myself, here, but I'm sure other's can relate), are ignored because that negligence is believed to be justified by a system that is modeled off the idea that potential failure will inspire students to meet the university's, and therefore future employer's, standards. Instead of the institution, and society taking on our personal losses, we are being told that is our responsibility to deal with our own issues alone, without expecting the institutions to foot the bill.

I was sexually assaulted, as a boy, by a healthcare professional.

I was physically and emotionally abused by female teachers in catholic school partially funded by the government, and by religious organizations.

So, needless to say, I have no faith, what so ever, in this society, it's economy, or it's institutions. I feel no motivation to involve myself in a group of people who allow such negligence to occur. I want NOTHING to do with a society that abuses its children, and then expects them to be good little workers when they grow up, and take the fall for their societys failings.

Im just crossing my fingers that another random event, like volcanoes in Iceland, begins throwing our already fragile global economy into even more chaos. This world (the human one, that is) of ours can not handle the unpredictable. Education professionals always stick their head in the sand when they see me coming, and these random acts of nature always leave the idiots on Wall Street baffled.

Screw em all. Idiots.
 

Eyes1111

Registrant
BigV said:
I've been telling my friends and family for the past two months that I've been looking for a job. I've been lying. I've never admitted to anyone that I've completely given up. I absolutely loath the idea of having to kiss ass with a boss who's trying to get me to work as hard as I can, while he/she banks the results of my hard work, while I live hand-mouth. I'm sick of being poor, but I'm completely fed up with employers whose only interest is money.

I've also been telling everyone that I'm taking a break from school, which is not entirely true. I was incredibly happy when I found out that I had been accepted as a mature student into a well known university, one that both my father and brother had graduated from. But, after two years of panic attacks, anxiety problems and retaking classes, I became fed up with dealing with the cold, impersonal machine that is the university. I didn't feel like I was getting an education, just being trained to follow a carrot on a string and to jump through hoops.

I've now become aware that all the conventional intelligence and educational psychological models that universities use to guide their decisions are deeply flawed. It's as simple as this: all the data they analyze is not the basis of their models, the models are the basis of how they analyze their data. "Outliers" like myself, who don't act and behave according to how a rational and predictable individual should (according to their theories and models) are ignored, because we are seen as random adorations, a result of meaningless noise in the data. University policy makers and administrators are entirely blind to the fact that individuals like myself are not the exception; we are important indicators as to viability of the system. But instead of paying attention to people like myself, they ignore us, because we are one-offs, and thus, negligible in our perceived importance. Men who are victims of female sexual predators, and/or recovering from physical and psychological abuse at the hands of female teachers during early education(I'm describing myself, here, but I'm sure other's can relate), are ignored because that negligence is believed to be justified by a system that is modeled off the idea that potential failure will inspire students to meet the university's, and therefore future employer's, standards. Instead of the institution, and society taking on our personal losses, we are being told that is our responsibility to deal with our own issues alone, without expecting the institutions to foot the bill.

I was sexually assaulted, as a boy, by a healthcare professional.

I was physically and emotionally abused by female teachers in catholic school partially funded by the government, and by religious organizations.

So, needless to say, I have no faith, what so ever, in this society, it's economy, or it's institutions. I feel no motivation to involve myself in a group of people who allow such negligence to occur. I want NOTHING to do with a society that abuses its children, and then expects them to be good little workers when they grow up, and take the fall for their societys failings.

Im just crossing my fingers that another random event, like volcanoes in Iceland, begins throwing our already fragile global economy into even more chaos. This world (the human one, that is) of ours can not handle the unpredictable. Education professionals always stick their head in the sand when they see me coming, and these random acts of nature always leave the idiots on Wall Street baffled.

Screw em all. Idiots.

Oh Big V. You don't know how much the above sentiments echo my own, especially these days where I'm waking up to the sad reality that is surviving female abuse.

I wasn't sexually assaulted or penetrated unwillingly. However, there were times in my past where women and girls casted off their tender facades and showed me they're no different from the dominant male-paradigm. Only their actions are justified and their person's molly coddled by the system you speak of.

I'm told that women and girls are not as bad as men and boys. They may have participated, with relish, in the ostricisation. But, majority wise, they police their own sex while boys do the same. "It's just the way the culture rolls".

Fuck the culture. Just like you, I get sick of it. Sick of having no place for my experiences. Told to try and let go of past injustices. Therefore, happiness will come.

Whatever. Women and girls get all the support they need when faced with negative experiences in the current climate. Meanwhile, the only support men and boys get is a pat on the back, a kindly "It's okay. Just get on with life", and a pity parade. No real work is spent on studying this common maladity. For fear of offending women and "Setting the clock back".

BigV, you have my support.

On a lighter note, involving the opposite sex, and a touching one, I just saw the movie "Kick-Ass" today. It was a pretty good adaption of the graphic novel. Really enamored with Hit-Girl and loved how they played up the "Brother-Sister" relationship towards the end with her and the main chatacter, even though they weren't siblings.

Reminded me of a friend I had, probably still do. Haven't been in contact with her for awhile. She once told me, after helping her with her problems, that I was like a big brother.

I have a tear in my eye now, because it makes me wish I had a little sister like Hit-Girl. I'll probably contact my friend again.
 
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I don't know exactly how to respond. I know first hand that society is pretty cold hearted to men who are trying to deal with the aftermath of sexual abuse. I, myself, am not a victim of female abuse but I have a few friends who are and from what I can see, it is even worse for them.

I also know that somewhere, there is a real need on the part of victims to be understood and have at the very least, a little compassion and even tenderness coming our way.

As a victim/survivor, I wanted nothing more than to just forget the whole thing and "just get on with my life." But when I looked in my tool box for the shovel I needed to deal with all the crap in my life, I found that the abuser had broken the handle. And to make matters worse, nobody gave a damn. There wasn't a shovel to be borrowed or bought and my roll of duck tape for fixing the shovel handle had already been used to hold the rest of my life together.

On the flip side, I did finally get past all that, but not without a lot love and support from a few close friends and a whole lot of fight and sheer determination on my part.

My 2 cents worth
Darrel
 

BigV

Registrant
Thank you. It's really reasuring to know that I'm not alone in my anger, frustation, and disillusionment.

Recently, I've come to realize something that is oddly liberating: I don't want to be anyone's hero any more. I was raised to believe that I was going to be the next David Suzuki, that I was going to single handedly save the planet. All the women I've dated have been broken women, and I've always tried to play the part of the good guy, who throws his cape on and swoops in to save the day. Well, I say screw it. Forget it. I don't want to be anyones hero anymore. The world is just going to have to take care of itself. I don't want fame, power, or even responsability. I don't want control. Give the women of the world a chance to see how equal they are to men in their ability to screw things up. I'd rather stay in the kitchen for now, take care of the garden and the kids. I'm tired of the expectations, and I'm not going to continue attempting to live up to them.

For the time being, I'm going to focus on myself. I'm not saying I'm going to be selfish, or self centred, but I'm giving up on trying to play this role, of a provider, achiever, protector, and problem solver, etc. I don't want to have to be the most amazing lover in the world, a leader, a success, or bread winner. These terms no longer belong in my personal termonology, they are not who I am. I'm moving on, not from my own memories, but from these expectations.
 

Eyes1111

Registrant
BigV said:
Thank you. It's really reasuring to know that I'm not alone in my anger, frustation, and disillusionment.

Recently, I've come to realize something that is oddly liberating: I don't want to be anyone's hero any more. I was raised to believe that I was going to be the next David Suzuki, that I was going to single handedly save the planet. All the women I've dated have been broken women, and I've always tried to play the part of the good guy, who throws his cape on and swoops in to save the day. Well, I say screw it. Forget it. I don't want to be anyones hero anymore. The world is just going to have to take care of itself. I don't want fame, power, or even responsability. I don't want control. Give the women of the world a chance to see how equal they are to men in their ability to screw things up. I'd rather stay in the kitchen for now, take care of the garden and the kids. I'm tired of the expectations, and I'm not going to continue attempting to live up to them.

For the time being, I'm going to focus on myself. I'm not saying I'm going to be selfish, or self centred, but I'm giving up on trying to play this role, of a provider, achiever, protector, and problem solver, etc. I don't want to have to be the most amazing lover in the world, a leader, a success, or bread winner. These terms no longer belong in my personal termonology, they are not who I am. I'm moving on, not from my own memories, but from these expectations.

This reminds me of a song by Todd Rudgren called Change Myself.

The chorus is very relatable.


I want to change the world
I want to make it well
How can I change the world
When I can't change myself?
Try again tommorrow.



The world will change if people want to change. If they don't, you're right, it's not worth it.
 
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little big man

Registrant
Hi Big V. I relate alot to your post. especialy about school. I can do very well in classes but I cannot handle the administation/authority part of college where their are lots of rules and they treat you as a child. It sounds immature but the ones in authority who are female really trigger me and scare me. I tried working again at a govt job. My supervisor hates men (shes a lesbian dominant) and two other women in the office have it out for men also. The three of them have the top jobs. I see that for the super she hates men because she was molested by a man. In our society that is supported. Well I was molested by a woman but it is not ok for me to hate all women because of it. Mysogony is not acceptable but it is ok to be mysandro. I get that alot where men are the bad guys and not women. THe women made fun of my body almost every day I asked the eeo rep ,also a woman ,and she said that was not an eeo complaint or issue for her office to handle.
The women go to the womens rights conferences on the base and it seems they come back with an attitude. I am respectfull and treat everyone equaly. So why take it out on me? It is so sick that women think they can do no wrong. I even heard a woman say "if there were no men there would be no crime". Our society just cant see women as abusive since they see most as nurturers. People just cant face that and you cant make them.
 

Zkahtt

Registrant
Sounds like you must be in one of those fake "liberal" places like I am LBM. Wouldn't be Bear country would it? I remember exactly that sort of demeanor in most of the women who had any authority at all while I lived there. There are some normal women but they are the minority or not in positions of power.

thank you for that word, misandry; a hatred of men., I always wanted to know it but never remembered to look it up.
 

FormerTexan

Administrator
Staff member
I even heard a woman say "if there were no men there would be no crime". Our society just cant see women as abusive since they see most as nurturers. People just cant face that and you cant make them.
I got two words for people like that (and they aren't what you might think):

Joan Crawford
(or)
Katherine Pelzer
(or)
My mother
(or)
 
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