I've lost hope for this society of ours...
I've been telling my friends and family for the past two months that I've been looking for a job. I've been lying. I've never admitted to anyone that I've completely given up. I absolutely loath the idea of having to kiss ass with a boss who's trying to get me to work as hard as I can, while he/she banks the results of my hard work, while I live hand-mouth. I'm sick of being poor, but I'm completely fed up with employers whose only interest is money.
I've also been telling everyone that I'm taking a break from school, which is not entirely true. I was incredibly happy when I found out that I had been accepted as a mature student into a well known university, one that both my father and brother had graduated from. But, after two years of panic attacks, anxiety problems and retaking classes, I became fed up with dealing with the cold, impersonal machine that is the university. I didn't feel like I was getting an education, just being trained to follow a carrot on a string and to jump through hoops.
I've now become aware that all the conventional intelligence and educational psychological models that universities use to guide their decisions are deeply flawed. It's as simple as this: all the data they analyze is not the basis of their models, the models are the basis of how they analyze their data. "Outliers" like myself, who don't act and behave according to how a rational and predictable individual should (according to their theories and models) are ignored, because we are seen as random adorations, a result of meaningless noise in the data. University policy makers and administrators are entirely blind to the fact that individuals like myself are not the exception; we are important indicators as to viability of the system. But instead of paying attention to people like myself, they ignore us, because we are one-offs, and thus, negligible in our perceived importance. Men who are victims of female sexual predators, and/or recovering from physical and psychological abuse at the hands of female teachers during early education(I'm describing myself, here, but I'm sure other's can relate), are ignored because that negligence is believed to be justified by a system that is modeled off the idea that potential failure will inspire students to meet the university's, and therefore future employer's, standards. Instead of the institution, and society taking on our personal losses, we are being told that is our responsibility to deal with our own issues alone, without expecting the institutions to foot the bill.
I was sexually assaulted, as a boy, by a healthcare professional.
I was physically and emotionally abused by female teachers in catholic school partially funded by the government, and by religious organizations.
So, needless to say, I have no faith, what so ever, in this society, it's economy, or it's institutions. I feel no motivation to involve myself in a group of people who allow such negligence to occur. I want NOTHING to do with a society that abuses its children, and then expects them to be good little workers when they grow up, and take the fall for their societys failings.
Im just crossing my fingers that another random event, like volcanoes in Iceland, begins throwing our already fragile global economy into even more chaos. This world (the human one, that is) of ours can not handle the unpredictable. Education professionals always stick their head in the sand when they see me coming, and these random acts of nature always leave the idiots on Wall Street baffled.
Screw em all. Idiots.
I've also been telling everyone that I'm taking a break from school, which is not entirely true. I was incredibly happy when I found out that I had been accepted as a mature student into a well known university, one that both my father and brother had graduated from. But, after two years of panic attacks, anxiety problems and retaking classes, I became fed up with dealing with the cold, impersonal machine that is the university. I didn't feel like I was getting an education, just being trained to follow a carrot on a string and to jump through hoops.
I've now become aware that all the conventional intelligence and educational psychological models that universities use to guide their decisions are deeply flawed. It's as simple as this: all the data they analyze is not the basis of their models, the models are the basis of how they analyze their data. "Outliers" like myself, who don't act and behave according to how a rational and predictable individual should (according to their theories and models) are ignored, because we are seen as random adorations, a result of meaningless noise in the data. University policy makers and administrators are entirely blind to the fact that individuals like myself are not the exception; we are important indicators as to viability of the system. But instead of paying attention to people like myself, they ignore us, because we are one-offs, and thus, negligible in our perceived importance. Men who are victims of female sexual predators, and/or recovering from physical and psychological abuse at the hands of female teachers during early education(I'm describing myself, here, but I'm sure other's can relate), are ignored because that negligence is believed to be justified by a system that is modeled off the idea that potential failure will inspire students to meet the university's, and therefore future employer's, standards. Instead of the institution, and society taking on our personal losses, we are being told that is our responsibility to deal with our own issues alone, without expecting the institutions to foot the bill.
I was sexually assaulted, as a boy, by a healthcare professional.
I was physically and emotionally abused by female teachers in catholic school partially funded by the government, and by religious organizations.
So, needless to say, I have no faith, what so ever, in this society, it's economy, or it's institutions. I feel no motivation to involve myself in a group of people who allow such negligence to occur. I want NOTHING to do with a society that abuses its children, and then expects them to be good little workers when they grow up, and take the fall for their societys failings.
Im just crossing my fingers that another random event, like volcanoes in Iceland, begins throwing our already fragile global economy into even more chaos. This world (the human one, that is) of ours can not handle the unpredictable. Education professionals always stick their head in the sand when they see me coming, and these random acts of nature always leave the idiots on Wall Street baffled.
Screw em all. Idiots.