I've always felt this was kind of strange but...

I've always felt this was kind of strange but...
L

LupinIII

Registrant
...I wonder if it is connected to what has happened.

Since I was about 12, I have always had this movie like fantasy of the perfect woman, the perfect mate. She is intellectual, creative, philisophical, funny and a sex kitten.

For years I would chase after women who were highly creative and sexual, but unfortunately mentally unstable. I married a woman who is older than me by ten years, not philisophical but very nice and down-to-earth. She is very much my opposite, especially when it comes to insane behavior. However we got into this relationship eight years ago because we were (and to some extent still are) co-dependent. She needed a knight in shining armor to rescue her from a controlling family and I need stable love...the kind I never got...

All throughout our relationship I still held a secret place in my heart for the unrealistic perfect woman. I never really understood why, but now I am beginning to think the SA has a BIIIIIIG part in that play. Has anyone else experienced something similair?

BTW I feel kind of guilty posting so much. It has been very helpful to have a place to write about my thoughts and feelings and receive feedback. I really appreciate this site and all the people who have been kind enough to "talk" with me.

I feel bad about posting so much, but appreciative of having a place to go.

Thanks.
 
Hey Lupin - That's a tuffy! I work at my marriage of 33+ years and realize the lady I married was/is not the 100% I dreamed of in my life. But I wouldn't trade her for the world. We are very much opposites in almost everything we like, say and do...but we have a nice marriage, three great kids and I expect to be a grandpop in the near future.

I would liken it to looking at the Playboy (or Playgirl)centerfold and dreaming they're the one and only for us. Most of us never get the mate we want but we usually get the mate we need in life.

Howard
 
Lupin,

I don't think there is a person that meets our perfect fantasy woman. Some of quirks will exist, some we will just love and some will drive us crazy.

As far as opposites attract. I married my first wife because she was everything I wasn't. The co-dependancy stuff. So very confident and sure of herself. Something I wasn't, something that I am still working on, but greatly improving. She came from an abusive household. Shortly after we lost our child (third term miscarriage), she was accepted into vetrinary school. When school was getting to be too much for her, she tried to regain control over me. When I didn't she started to beat me. I took this for awhile until I finally had enough. The SA took a big role in me marrying her, and subsequently the physical abuse.

Bill

P.S. Post away. Post away.
 
In a general sense, I believe we are often looking for things in life, and often women in this world who will enter our lives and fill the voids we have. It's more about us. We want someone who has so many things we feel we need. When we were abused, much was taken from us. We have been left with voids.

Voids we must fill with time and hard work. Voids that can not be filled by someone else.

I believe this is true.

Em
 
Lupin,

first of all, there is not limit on how much you can post or respond here. I go through different phases, when I will be here several times a day, and often when I am like that, it is not at all positive! Then, sometime I will not be here for a week, and come in to respond to as much I can. It is not that there is some level of activity you must maintain here, or one you must avoid. This site is here for use, and use it as much as you can and as much it helps.

I think I have felt the need for some 'perfect image' in some respects of my life also. I am fortunate, I have found the perfect woman. I am even more fortunate that she is also perfect for me, and seems to tolerate my presence in her life quite nicely! (Usually!) But, I think there is desire for some ideal. To think of it, we have all been betrayed and harmed by someone in authority over us. Whether it is a family member, or a teacher, or coach, or family friend, or even adult stranger, it is someone who ideally we should have been able to trust. So maybe it is that we are searching for some ideal in another person now?

I am sorry, I am rather writing as I am thinking this out, so maybe it is not right or make sense. (It is also 5:30 am and I have not slept!) I hope that you recieve some good advice.

Leosha
 
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