Pete,
But sorry to say there are some who have not left the dark hell I was once in and continue to try and drag others down into the place they still are as they cant seem to grasp how others are succeeding and they are not.
I guess I have to say that I have never seen any guy here trying to drag anyone else down into the dark place he is in.
There are many cases where a guy talks about the dire difficulties he is in, and I am personally very glad when I see someone lay it on the line and talk about how bad things feel. In order to move forward a survivor needs to know that here he can be entirely honest with himself, and about himself.
It's by honest dialogue that we can help each other here on the Male Survivor site, and in order for that to occur there has to be an element of mutual trust and support. My own view is that guys who are in a bad place need ultimately to learn that this is all a matter of feelings and not reality. That is, they may feel worthless, tainted and unloveable, and those are real problems that need to be addressed. But in time they will see that these feelings are inaccurate; they are just part of the junk we carry into adulthood from when we were abused boys.
In this process of self-discovery they need at the same time to feel that regardless of their problems they are valued members of the MS community and won't be judged for whatever it is they need to say. It's a matter of gradually rebuilding confidence and self-esteem, which are so often more or less wrecked in a survivor anyway.
Guys who are further along can help out a lot by encouraging those in difficulty and taking every opportunity to validate and empower them - in short, by helping them along step by step and recalling how vital that support was when we ourselves were in that situation.
Again, just expressing my personal view, I am very proud of all my brothers who admit they need support, talk about their difficulties and dare to ask for help. I don't see that as any effort to drag others down; rather, to me it's a real act of courage and resolve.
Much love,
Larry