It's official - I'm crazy (MAY TRIGGER!)

It's official - I'm crazy (MAY TRIGGER!)
C

crisispoint

Registrant
Well, I visited my new psychopharmachologist. After running me through the DMSV (or whatever) manual and matrices, he confirmed that I've got PTSD, DID, major clinical depression, and I'm a 48 on the functionality scale of 1 (blob of protoplasm) and 100 (God). WHich means I'm quasi-functional.

I thought I'd get some kind of peace or relief with an official diagnosis and the beginnings of a therapy/drug plan, but I feel as if someone has just passed a sentance on me. Confiming how screwed up I am only hammered home how much the abuse has affected me.

I know I'll get better, I know I'm working hard to MAKE myself better, but I'm officially (I was before, but depression? Half of the U.S. suffers from some form of it) mentally ill. Wonderful. All these years, I was proud of being unique, and "eccentric," but now all I want to be is boringly normal.

I guess even rocks can bleed.

I just want people to know, to hear, anyone who's just starting to deal with this, that fear and sadness is normal. It is. It'll pass, though.

I know it.

And I'll get better... :)

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Scot
I just love protoplasm, they're soooo cool ;)

But joking aside, having a 'label' can help. It's a measure, a starting point, and something to focus on.
I found it oddly comforting to be labeled with PTSD, with a bit of OCD on the side. then I got dyscalculia added to the list - dyslexia with numbers ( just don't ask me to do the accounts :rolleyes: )

Now I have the names of all the crap I have I can work on them in a reasoned manner. I can now read about my problems and learn ways to deal with them.

I used to think I was crazy, but now I know for certain.

Dave ;)
 
Scot,

With that many letters after your name, you could make it part of a signature and impress the hell out people! :D

Kidding aside, I think a lot of people hate being described as mentally ill, which to most people translate to crazy, which is not the case for most of us. It has a demeaning context to me.

But if I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, is that really any different than an imbalance in my blood? No. But the perception is there nonetheless.

Just be careful of men running after you with butterfly nets :p .

Peace,

Marc Courtney, PTSD, DID, CD, ADD, BS
 
I think on the 'GAF' scale (if that is same thing you are talking of), I was less then you when I started therapy last year. But was still functioning, still working, still traveling, still doing all I needed to do. Maybe not 'living', but still functioning.

I know that you are to polite to tell me I am crazy. And if I 'scored' less then you, then I must be, by your own definition. But if I am, I am feeling it less. I am starting to believe that only sane people question their sanity.

And as for numbers, and to some degree also, 'labels', I think most of them are just garbage. I am not a label. I am not 'PTSD', 'DID' or any other group of words, letters or label. I am me. Take that to your DSM-IV.

leosha

(Edited to say, not to offend any therapists here, I am just rather tired of names and labels of people right now, in mental or physical health, that just do not seem to mean anything. Yes, you need to diagnose to heal. But you heal the person, not the illness. Or something like that. I am tired.)
 
Labels are fine untill others start labelling you without the knowledge of what brought you to that point.

Archnut
 
Leosha
you're absolutely right, the labels are meaningless as far as the real "us" is concerned, we're still the same people whatever label gets attached to us.
And we should never forget that.

But the labels do have a use when it comes to doing something about the problems we have.
When I didn't know that I had PTSD and OCD, I just thought that I was a crazy pervert, and the truth is I prefer the clinical labels.
They also tell me what I've got to do, and where to look, for my help.

I think that the labels are OK, until other peoples prejudices and ignorance comes into play.
Mention ANYTHING to do with mental health to some people and they instantly think "crazy m********r"

And that's their problemn not ours. Although it does make our lives harder because we've either got to explain everything or ignore the "ignorant m*******r!"

Dave
 
The label is part of a diagnosis which generally is to satisfy the insurance company. We can't use a diagosis of "sexual child abuse" because it is a "V" code which is not reimbursable.

I don't take the diagnosis or GAF that seriously. The GAF is a way the insurance company determines how many sessions to authorize and perhaps how long to continue paying. The lower the score, the more concerned the ins. co. is about someone checking out.

It's just a label, not a life prediction.
Ken
 
I agree with Lloydy, *I prefer the clinical labels.They also tell me what I've got to do, and where to look, for my help.* With all your posts, I the newbie, simply figured you to be a Recovery God, but now you have humbled yourself before me and are still yet above atomic nuclei, which could be some wierd balance.

Seriously, I was relieved to find PTSD to use as a strategy to follow...I was watching a Korean veteran on TV talk about jumping out of bed every couple weeks, and I was/am still jumping out ever 2-3 months, I figured I had a civilian version of the vet`s shell shock...getting this confirmation from doctor made me feel both smart for having found my own diagnosis, but lousy for the work ahead. Mike Church I think said what I always wanted to say to my old Viet Nam era roommate that my childhood was *worse than war*. At 39 I finally found - and am only now working hard on it at 41 - a book *I Can:t Get Over It*, by Matsakis, Ph.D. (PTSD specialist). Covers all the genera, may give you good todo lists. Curiously, the first chapter I myself went into was War>Torure victims, since I think that was more descriptive of my childhood-mostly-emotional/physical-with-a-pinch-of-sexual abuse. Maybe that:ll help, but then books are my thing...over here in Tokyo it:s pretty tough to find other resources. They say PTSD:s trick is to minimize it:s affect on your life, it has ruled mine and still does very much....I hope you now-humbled DemiGod of Recovery can minimize it:s influence too, I:m still voting for you for God if anyone asks, peace.
 
Therapists I've had have avoided using labels beyond 'depression' which was obvious until it was required by my HMO in order to continue authorization for my referral to a treatment program that is specific to abuse recovery.

It is sad that insurance companies won't accept, or, I should say, honor terms like abuse recovery but they don't.

When I finally heard and saw the labels "clinical depression," "PTSD" and "bi-polar" attached to me I saw the sense of them but, at the same time, was/am repulsed by how impersonal they are.

We each are unique, in fact, in our experiences and our reactions to them. I have fought with the HMO over this very thing--my individual needs.

I had to learn the hard lesson of 'self-advocacy' and it was only after repeated efforts to be heard that I finally located a couple of therapists to back up my efforts.

Its defintely been worth the effort to me personally. All along, however, I have thought how horrible it is that the people who may need advocacy most--those with a mental illness--are probably least equipped to provide it own there own.

I wonder how many just give up and do not receive adequate or appropriate treatment even though it is available if the system is navigated.

I was astounded to find, even here in treatment-land, that mental health advocacy programs or workers do not exist.

I have been thinking seriously of finding others of like mind to get something like that started.

(Sorry, I got a little off-point there.)
 
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