Its not fair

[ak]

I say that last night, while on phone with a friend. It just come out, it come out of my mouth, and I realize it in my head. I don't know ever I have felt that before, and I know I have not said it about this before. Always, I just think, ok, it hapen, not to be questioned or thought of, just go through it. But truly, no, it is not fair. I do not want to be caught in thinking that, feeling that, because I know it can make me lose power to make it different. But to say that, that it is not fair, it make me angry some. I always have hard time, to feel anger of anything or to anyone. But that make me feel angry some, of what happen. But to feel finally that, no, it not fair, no, it is not me making them do these things because how I look or act. After I say that, I also say, it is not my fault. And for the minute I say it, I believe that. I still struggle to think that, I still feel what happen is some my fault. But I say that last night, no, it not my fault. The person I was talking to, I do not know they understad how much that affect me, to think that and say that. But I think right now, right then, it was most important things I ever say. Trying to keep it today, to remember not being my fault.

andrei

 

[reality2k4]

Andrei, NO IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. We all think this, that we are to blame, when of course it was not us who did it.

I know the control, and the anger.
I chose to forgive many years ago, because the anger of not being able to hit back at them was too immense.

We have these arguments in here, whether or not we should forgive. The answer is simple, we must forgive, because either way, we hurt ourselves.

If we don't forgive we take out anger in ourselves. If we do forgive, then the anger becomes more controllable.

But try not to blame you,

take care,

ste

 

[FLRich]

Andrei,

ALWAYS remember it was not your fault! Always remember that! It was always and always will be the TOTAl fault of your perps.

Always remember it wasn't fair. Unfortunately life isn't always fair, but we can do our best to make it more fair.

I am so glad you are getting in touch with your feelings. Let them out, acknowledge them for what they are. Andrei these feelings do not make you a bad person. These feelings mean that you are finally healing enough to be angry about the situation and angry enough to ask, "Why?" Anger isn't always bad if directed in the right direction...towards your perps.

While these feelings may scare you, don't suppress them. Let 'em out, man. It's time! Keep them in check, but let them flow.

I'm proud of you, Andrei.

 

[Mike Church]

Andrei at last the anger inside has become clear. As I said you were pushed to far and you are right it was never fair. You know that all of us here at MS are so terribly proud of you.

 

[crisispoint]

Androshka,

Never was any of it your fault.

I'm proud of you. I'm proud to know you.

Love,

Scot

 

[The Dean]

Andrei, this is a huge break through for you--what a joy it is to read that you have come to this point in your healing, your journey to freedom.
Good for you!

Bob

 

[Bill_1965]

Andrei,

That is great. It isn't your fault. It never was. Realizing and believing the truth is such a powerful liberation.

Bill

 

Andrei,

I'm glad you made this break through in thinking. It is hard to accept that after so many years of blaming ourselves.

I suggest you right that thought down, date it, and keep it where you can see it everyday. It will reinforce it in your mind.

Ya tyebya lyublyu, tvoi druk, mvoi brat'.

Marc