It's Easter!

It's Eastertime. Holy Saturday is here, and in a short while here we will be celebrating the great Easter Vigil. This time of year is normally for me the most precious and special 3 days of the entire year. Don't get me wrong, Christmas is fantastic! But these three special days (Holy (or Maundy) Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and then of course Easter Sunday... they're the climax and culmination of Christian faith.

We profess belief in a God who was abused. Many of us here (yes, me too) were abused by spiritual leaders, trusted people connected with our faith. At the same time, we believe in a God who was himself abused, a victim. There are many who go to Mass or a worship service who most likely never give thought about those sitting around them, let alone think make the connection that perhaps some of them were abused, like our God. They can relate to God as victim, sacrificial victim. But there's something all too frightening to even hear the pain of someone perhaps sitting right on the side of them because CSA is just too scary. (These ideas in this paragraph are basically plagiarized from here.)

I fully understand, as much as possible, why people shy away from CSA. It took me several years to actually grasp how someone could just tune-out upon hearing the topic of CSA. It's a horribly frightening thing. And so people need to defend themselves because they don't also want to get hurt. It's such an awful thing to hear about, they also don't know HOW to respond, and so there's silence and a change of subjects.

For me, this Easter is pretty heavy. I've chosen to combat the silence here in the land that I live now. There is no one who talks about it; they don't see the need. No doubt part of it comes from the years of Soviet rule. But there are those here who are suffering in silence. I thankfully have a bishop who is with me on this. And this Easter for me is very heavy because I need strength and courage to speak. And the only way to speak so as to reach others is talk about me.

Our God is mighty and awesome. He overcame the grave and conquered death. His Resurrection gives me hope that at the other end of the current journey that is very much a cross, there will also be a Resurrection.

For those of you who find this most blessed and special feast difficult, you're most definitely not alone this year for sure.
May His light warm you, and give you comfort. Hope is there, and healing is possible.
We profess belief in a God who was abused
Very good point!

"a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief."

“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.”

A God that identifies as a human...
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I grapple with the Church and when I do go I find some peace. I am a survivor of priest abuse. My friend was in town until this afternoon and we went to the Easter Vigil at the Basilica at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. We arrived over 2 hours prior to the service and Mass to get parking and a seat. It was a beautiful and moving experience. The darkness and lighting of the candles as the procession moves in after the burning of the Easter fire and lighting of the Paschal candle. The Basilica was adorned with the light of the candles until the procession had been complete. It is a long service and Mass. It began at 8 pm and ended near 11 pm. Time seemed to move and the experience was uplifting. I believe being surrounded by people who made me feel safe enhances my experience and prevents the sense of harm of the Church taking over.

I guess faith once instilled remains, no matter how much I bury it. It has taken a village of wonderful people to make me realize what I lived was not my fault.
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Amen and Amen well put by both. I began to have tears running down my face after communion today.
I am Happy to find this site because of the support we give each other. What a blessing! I just started T after keeping my CSA secret for way too many years. Sitting in church missing my recently departed wife and coming to a decision to find out now just who I am so that I can move forward into the Grace of the Lord just moved me to tears. I just want to have some semblance of wholeness.