Its been awhile....
Hi all! Its been forever since I posted on here. I just wanted to say HI and that i'm still around. Its been a very difficult year for me thats for sure.
I just thought I'd drop by and provide an update. I've been off work on Maternity leave since April 2005. My H and I had a baby girl on June 22, 2005. After that I suffered a very bad case of Postpartum Depression. Part of it was due to a very scary birth experience - both the baby and I had to have a lot of medical intervention. She was barely breathing and I was bleeding heavily.
My relationship with my H has been on a very rocky and unbelievable journey. We've seen each other through the best and worst of times. WE have a lovely baby and are still in therapy. We are committed to working things through but its still hard. We have an amazing, no bull**** therapist who is putting ALL of our experiences, my husband's SA, my own abuse history, my PPD into perspective. Its hard but we're still going. The relationship friction with my husband is a major part of my postpartum depression, and I'm glad that we have found a therapist who can put it all together for us.
The rest of the year has not been much better. For those of you who remember me calling upon my experiences with my addict/alcoholic father, well, he died suddenly on November 15, 2005. I'm still reeling. We still dont know what happened. He just died one night laying on the couch. My mom woke up to find him dead on the floor beside the couch. I can't believe it most days. I'm flip flopping between missing him like crazy and feeling liberated from his insane moods and selfishness. Its a very difficult journey I'm on.
I also had some medical problems in addition to the birth experience - I've had many infections and even surgery to remove my gall bladder. I dont think I've been sicker or in more pain in my life over the past year. I'm still fat from having the baby, and still fighting the depression, but ya know what? I'm still alive, still here.
My H has been proceeding with his case against his SA perp. He actually has a date now - June 14 of this year. He is meeting with lawyers soon. He's pretty dedicated to his men's group (still going to that) despite the fact that the first group he went to, the group in which he started to feel comfortable disbanded due to the facilitator having a brain aneurism.
Sheez, if this wasn't all true it seems like a bad soap opera.. but its not. Its my life.
Our therapist actually congratulated us today - that my H and I are still together and still going.. although most days we dont feel like it.. but that we're still going its a miracle.
I'm sure a lot of it has to do with our little girl - a miracle herself. A miracle of innocence, miracle of "living in the moment" and a miracle of joy. She's the happiest, giggliest and smiling-est kid we've ever seen!
Anyhow I hope that you are all okay.. and feel free to drop me an email or a PM.
PAS
I just thought I'd drop by and provide an update. I've been off work on Maternity leave since April 2005. My H and I had a baby girl on June 22, 2005. After that I suffered a very bad case of Postpartum Depression. Part of it was due to a very scary birth experience - both the baby and I had to have a lot of medical intervention. She was barely breathing and I was bleeding heavily.
My relationship with my H has been on a very rocky and unbelievable journey. We've seen each other through the best and worst of times. WE have a lovely baby and are still in therapy. We are committed to working things through but its still hard. We have an amazing, no bull**** therapist who is putting ALL of our experiences, my husband's SA, my own abuse history, my PPD into perspective. Its hard but we're still going. The relationship friction with my husband is a major part of my postpartum depression, and I'm glad that we have found a therapist who can put it all together for us.
The rest of the year has not been much better. For those of you who remember me calling upon my experiences with my addict/alcoholic father, well, he died suddenly on November 15, 2005. I'm still reeling. We still dont know what happened. He just died one night laying on the couch. My mom woke up to find him dead on the floor beside the couch. I can't believe it most days. I'm flip flopping between missing him like crazy and feeling liberated from his insane moods and selfishness. Its a very difficult journey I'm on.
I also had some medical problems in addition to the birth experience - I've had many infections and even surgery to remove my gall bladder. I dont think I've been sicker or in more pain in my life over the past year. I'm still fat from having the baby, and still fighting the depression, but ya know what? I'm still alive, still here.
My H has been proceeding with his case against his SA perp. He actually has a date now - June 14 of this year. He is meeting with lawyers soon. He's pretty dedicated to his men's group (still going to that) despite the fact that the first group he went to, the group in which he started to feel comfortable disbanded due to the facilitator having a brain aneurism.
Sheez, if this wasn't all true it seems like a bad soap opera.. but its not. Its my life.
Our therapist actually congratulated us today - that my H and I are still together and still going.. although most days we dont feel like it.. but that we're still going its a miracle.
I'm sure a lot of it has to do with our little girl - a miracle herself. A miracle of innocence, miracle of "living in the moment" and a miracle of joy. She's the happiest, giggliest and smiling-est kid we've ever seen!
Anyhow I hope that you are all okay.. and feel free to drop me an email or a PM.
PAS
