It's been a while... The New Normal
Hey guys it's been a while since I have posted here. I spend so much of my time working on myself in counseling and a local SWET group (Spritual Warfare Effectiveness Training - a men's group) that there just doesn't seem to be any time left. Much of my healing and growth is then used to help me in my marriage and other relationships. My marriage is still struggling BUT we are making progress. Her and I both get counseling separately and also have sessions together. My other relationships have come a long way - I have been able to develop some pretty amazing friendships and feel very blessed to have so many loving men in my life who would and do a lot for me. They give me a safety net of support that I have never had before.
I am still active as a greeter behind the scenes. I may have greeted a few of you reading this
Sometimes you guys respond to my greets and I always respond and love to help when I can. Have had a few really great interactions with people as a greeter. It's sad why people are here BUT it is such an amazing time when someone joins and they start to see so many possibilities for recovery and a chance to have some peace in their lives.
The reason I felt compelled to write was that today my T gave me the most touchung compliment. He only has to see me 5 times a year without charging me and after that it's $120 a session since he doesn't take insurance. I have seen him upwards of 200 times in the last two years or so and he has not charged me. I never bring it up because I get so much out of my sessions and I don't want to risk losing them. Today he told me why he does it - he said that he has rarely seen a man come from where I was and do such deep spiritual work to heal and become whole again. He's seen how I have a love for helping other men and have actively been trying to do that. Much of my recovery work to date has been about how to connect with other men, I need them in my life, and to accept and love myself as a man. In the process I have learned so much about myself and, I think, what it really means to be a man in this world. The benefit of all this is that I have been able to make a positive impact in the lives of other men. Something my T has seen and heard all about. It was that positive impact on other men that has motivated him to help me so much. He really thinks I have a lot to offer other men and particularly other survivors in the way of support that they aren't getting from society or even from their Ts. There's something about survivors helping other survivors that a T just can't do. I was touched and even had a few tears over the amount of gratitude I have toward him for saying those words to me.
I remember well what it was like for me growing up. I so much needed a man to be a positive role model for me in my life and I never really got much in the way that would be classified as positive and a lot that was horrific. The amount of joy that I get from putting myself out there for another man is hard to express. Time and time again I give to men what I so desperately wanted as a boy and time and time again they love it. Many are starved for it. Unfortunately, too many men want it but are far to afraid to accept it. For the longest time that rejection was too much to bare for me and I would not put myself out there for other men.
The beauty of rejection is that you often learn so much from it. It is through some very painful rejections (men as well as my wife and mom) that I have been able to get to a point in my life that seems like the new normal for me. I am able to give the little boy in me the love and attention he needs all on my own when necessary. This is new for me and I find it gives me the ability to put myself out there in ways I was not capable of before. I can open up to my wife and know that even if she pulls away I will be okay. If a man I am supporting lashes out at me out of fear I can still be there for him when he wants my help later.
I feel very blessed to have come so far and to have been able to use what I have learned as a tool to help support others. Without malesurvivor I don't know if I could have made the type of progress that I have.
You men are all awesome. Keep fighting the good fight brothers.
I am still active as a greeter behind the scenes. I may have greeted a few of you reading this
Sometimes you guys respond to my greets and I always respond and love to help when I can. Have had a few really great interactions with people as a greeter. It's sad why people are here BUT it is such an amazing time when someone joins and they start to see so many possibilities for recovery and a chance to have some peace in their lives. The reason I felt compelled to write was that today my T gave me the most touchung compliment. He only has to see me 5 times a year without charging me and after that it's $120 a session since he doesn't take insurance. I have seen him upwards of 200 times in the last two years or so and he has not charged me. I never bring it up because I get so much out of my sessions and I don't want to risk losing them. Today he told me why he does it - he said that he has rarely seen a man come from where I was and do such deep spiritual work to heal and become whole again. He's seen how I have a love for helping other men and have actively been trying to do that. Much of my recovery work to date has been about how to connect with other men, I need them in my life, and to accept and love myself as a man. In the process I have learned so much about myself and, I think, what it really means to be a man in this world. The benefit of all this is that I have been able to make a positive impact in the lives of other men. Something my T has seen and heard all about. It was that positive impact on other men that has motivated him to help me so much. He really thinks I have a lot to offer other men and particularly other survivors in the way of support that they aren't getting from society or even from their Ts. There's something about survivors helping other survivors that a T just can't do. I was touched and even had a few tears over the amount of gratitude I have toward him for saying those words to me.
I remember well what it was like for me growing up. I so much needed a man to be a positive role model for me in my life and I never really got much in the way that would be classified as positive and a lot that was horrific. The amount of joy that I get from putting myself out there for another man is hard to express. Time and time again I give to men what I so desperately wanted as a boy and time and time again they love it. Many are starved for it. Unfortunately, too many men want it but are far to afraid to accept it. For the longest time that rejection was too much to bare for me and I would not put myself out there for other men.
The beauty of rejection is that you often learn so much from it. It is through some very painful rejections (men as well as my wife and mom) that I have been able to get to a point in my life that seems like the new normal for me. I am able to give the little boy in me the love and attention he needs all on my own when necessary. This is new for me and I find it gives me the ability to put myself out there in ways I was not capable of before. I can open up to my wife and know that even if she pulls away I will be okay. If a man I am supporting lashes out at me out of fear I can still be there for him when he wants my help later.
I feel very blessed to have come so far and to have been able to use what I have learned as a tool to help support others. Without malesurvivor I don't know if I could have made the type of progress that I have.
You men are all awesome. Keep fighting the good fight brothers.
