It is Working, It gets better

It is Working, It gets better
J

John Oarc

Registrant
Some time ago I posted about a job that I wanted to take but had some hesitation regarding my ever present need to down play my abilities and the fact that I don't like getting myself into good situations i.e. I like surrounding myself with bad in case I lose like I lost my childhood. I had no idea I was doing this until my life fell apart and I began professional counceling.

I took the great job and I have accepted the fact that I deserve it and things could not be better.

I finally got it, it is working, I do deserve the best in life and I am not afraid of losing anything.

Before I began the recovery process I felt like I deserved the worst in life, like a punishment for what I felt was my fault, the CSA, once I learned that a nine year old boy did not ask for what he got nor did he know what was going on my life changed.

I just want to say that the worst part of my recovery, though I did not like it, was worth every minute. My life has changed and I thank God and all of you for everything.
 
John,

Thanks for sharing these encouraging thoughts. As I was just saying to someone else on the site, recovery isn't easy but it sure is worth it. We get our lives back!

Much love,
Larry
 
Thanks Larry, I have been away for a bit but I am better than ever and feeling like I need to share the success. I want others to know that it does get better and it is worth it.

I am becoming the real me and I like what I have found, I am a good guy and I have something to give to the world. I may not be the best but I am a good person, I love my wife and children and I do my best to help others in need and that may not be something you read about or see on TV but I no longer feel like I need to prove anything to the world anymore. I am happy from within and it is great.

Love all of you guys, you are great.
 
John? What was your hardest obstacle to overcome? And how did you go about doing it?

Mine, for instance, was my inability to progress in life (career, relationships, etc), due to CSA obviously. With the help and involvement of others here, I have completed the hardest steps. I say that because I wasn't just doing it for me anymore, I was doing because I knew that others cared about me. That's one of the greatest things this forum can offer, it grants us the ability to finally know for sure that others care about us in our common stuggles.
 
The hardest obstacle:

Letting the real me come out. Epressing my desire to have the best in life without worrying about failure or what others would think. Having fun and laughing without the use of drugs or alcohol. I had not known the real person that was trying to come out all those years and it was difficult to let that person take over. All the hardwired coping mechanisms were hard to let go of.

I think the second most difficult thing was:

Letting go of the abuse, i.e. truly, without a doubt, believing that the sexual activity that occurred was not my fault, not of my want, it had nothing to do with me - my person - then, nor does it make me who I am now.

The third thing that I found difficult was:

Letting go of how I lived my life after the abuse(all the mistakes, the lost time) not knowing that the CSA was driving it was also a difficult thing to get over. When I learned that I had lost so much by making decisions based in fear it really pissed me off and that was hard to come to grips with.

Have a great day Huaser,
 
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