It is what it is!

It is what it is!
E

endlessjourney

Registrant
It is a sick feeling to know that we all rob ourselves of being who we are. We hide because were ashamed. Shame is irrelevant to us though. Our perps want us to feel ashamed. We all have reason to feel guilty for SOME of our actions. However, there is absolutely NO reason to be ashamed. Shame is a lie. shame is a destructive feeling. Don't buy into it. Defeat it. Shame is a copout. We are all better than shame.

Much love
Jason
 
Jason - I absoluitely agree there is no place for shame other than to keep us thinking like victims...keeping us helpless. But I also agree we need never feel guilty for what happened...because, guilt is from something we did that was wrong. Since we never could give consent, we were not the perps but the victims - WE DID NOTHING WRONG therefore we did nothing for which we need feel guilt!! Definitely throw that shame away!!

Howard
 
It's easy to say "Don't feel ashamed," or "Don't feel guilty." It's much harder to incorporate in to our thinking. You are right though, the first thing that we need to do is realize that we are not at fault. The problem is even when you recognize it, the emotions don't just stop. Now it seems when I feel guilt and shame, they are quickly coupled with anger and frustration. And then I often feel stuck. I don't know what to do about any of this $h!t....
 
Deck - You're right, it is always easier to say than do! You're right that just thinking it differently doesn't stop the emotions. Those emotions and the crap hanging from them were "gifts" from our perps and are difficult to cut away. For me, it took a good therapist and a heck of a lot of work, practice and redirection. It was like peeling an onion, layer by layer but that's how my Perp gave it to me - layer by layer over 17 years! But the work is worth the battle!! The toughest part for me was the patience to strip away layer by layer. I wanted to rip it all off at once and have it over with so often!!

Howard
 
Howard,

Your onion peeling analogy has hit the nail on the head. I can't describe how hard it is to "do" as opposed to saying it. I don't think anyone of us can just turn it off but we can pick up the weight and fight it. We are strong. Lonliness eats us up but there are others who can attest to the idea that we do not have to be ashamed. If anything, I'm proud to be amongst all of you. We all make mistakes. We all have reasons to feel guilty for our mistakes. However, it is not necessary for us to feel ashamed of what happened to us, or to be ashamed of the effects that CSA has had on us. Doing what we're doing right now is good enough reason to negate that. Shame is a killer. Good luck to all of us in fighting that vice. We can beat it together!

Much love,
Jason
 
So right. I am trying to lift my head high and say who I am. Say what I'm feeling, what mess is going through my being. I need to be proud of who I am and state it clearly - even when I'm a mess.

I feel ashamed that I'm not as perfect as I portray to the world. I try to keep things all perfect so no one can see the cracks - but I shouldn't be ashamed of the cracks because I was smashed with a hammer and somehow have held together.
 
We see our selves as flawed at times, and turn, we tend to see the world as perfect. However, if you let yourself get close enough to those people who appear to be perfect, those who seem like they have everything going for them, you'll notice flaws in them as well. We all make mistakes. I'm happy i'm not perfect. It would be a boring world if that were the case.

Jason
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top