It hurts tonight

It hurts tonight
J

Jeff S.

Registrant
My T has asked me to take some time doing something good for myself. Something that brings pleasure, makes me feel good, something along those lines. The idea is that my emotional "bucket" is virtually empty. She says I need to do things to fill that bucket up. She has me carrying a small piece of paper with the words "Self care is not Selfish." It's a topic I need to improe upon. Growing up, doing anything to take care of one's own needs was considered being selfish. I am trying to unlearn that lie.

Another issue that I am having is that I really don't know what I want to do that makes me feel good. Lately, nothing brings the enjoyment that it used to. I have numerous computer games that used to be fun, but lately it's just filling time. I have a model railroad layout down in the basement, but have absolutely no desire to work on it.

Not only that, I feel like I could cry at a moments notice. I am sleeping 8+ hours a day, but still feel tired all the time.

Now, before anyone points it out, I know that these are the symptoms of depression. What's frustrating is that this bout of depression came on while I am already taking anti-depressent medication. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist in two weeks. It's going to be a long two weeks.

I just wish I could get out of this funk.

Jeff
 
Jeff,

I would think that perhaps you may need to call your psychiatrist and tell him/her how you are feeling. I don't think you should have to feel this way for 2 more weeks.

Sometimes it's just a simple tweek in the meds. I would urge you to call your psychiatrist tomorrow morning. Please.
 
Find a purpose in your life dude. Looking for happiness itself is like serching for the end of a rainbow. (Don't get the wrong idea, I spend countless hours playing Close Combat 3 on this PC).

I'm going to do volunteer work, or be a foster parent once I get my shit together. I just need a career and I'm doing it. I KNOW that I will get a great deal of satisfaction making a difference in someone's life.
 
Hauser has a real good point Jeff - having a purpose gives ones life meaning - find that which is most important to you and go after it

for me it is helping others

I am doing my very best to make a diffrence in a few people's lifes - there is a great deal of satisfaction to be found in helping others

I also wonder... - how long have you been on those meds? - I know that when I was on meds - it took a while to get the right one and the right dose - some meds actualy made me worse

Take good care of yourself,

TJ jeff
 
Thanks for the input. As far as purpose and meaning, I feel I have that figured out. Part of the problem is that my career, or calling as I see it, is to be a caregiver. As a pastor, I do a lot of caregiving.

I find visiting my shut in members (mostly old and invalid)to be very fulfilling. But it does take it out of me. But I do now how important it is to the people I visit.

One of the problems I have is that I am an approval addict. I all but need everyone to like me. Well, one thing that is true about being a pastor is that you are going to have people who don't like what you say, especially when it's the truth.

As far as the meds, I've been on the same dosage of the meds for over a year. I guess it's not working anymore. I can't get into the doctor because that's the first time she has for a new patient appointment. And that's the earliest appointment I could get with any psychiatrist withing 60 miles who the insurance would cover.

My family doc would rather not mess with psych meds, says it's out of his league. So, unless things start falling apart seriously, I just have to hang on for two more weeks.

Jeff
 
the meds help, but the answer is to adress the problems driving the feelings. that is when you will see true relief. right now you are struggling with things, and are depressed. no dosage seems to help when you are having one of those times. what helps is when you finally come up the other side.

being a teacher of God's word is a hard path my friend. teaching the truth is all you can do, because you will answer for all you teach in the end. you have to be sure it is God's word you teach, and people are not always going to like what they hear. you have to have a thick skin to do that in the face of adversity, and i am sure it takes a toll on you. not to mentioning facing pain all the time is hard.

i am not sure what motivates and works for you. it has to be a hobby you deeply love. for me it was cycling. you just need to find that thing that you can get lost in for a little while. something so engrossing it can allow you to escape. in the end, it will be a huge part of a healthy lifestyle, because it will allow you to unplug from all the pressure. if the things you used to do dont do it, try something new.

you know even with the meds, the therapy and all, i still had bouts of depression. i would cycle down into the pit, wallow for a time, and finally come back out. as i healed the amount of down periods became shorter. i cycled faster, and eventually i couldnt really call myself depressed any longer. keep working. i dont think the meds alone do it, in my opinion. it is a combination of things.

goodluck

jeff too.
 
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