It has been too long....

It has been too long....
ozzie_guy

ozzie_guy

Registrant
Hello everyone...

I've been a member here since 2011, I mean wow... The last time I was active on this site was 2015. And I guess that, in part is because at the time I wanted to believe that everything for me was fine and dandy. I needed to be strong for others, so instead of leaning on all of the friends I had made here, for some reason which completely eludes me now, I decided to push on alone.

I honestly don't know what steered me back here, but I know that I need this space and the acceptance and security that it provides me. I haven't like slipped backwards in the past 5 years, but I also haven't moved forward either. I haven't returned to addiction; and although I don't particularly enjoy being here I haven't seriously thought about checking out of this life for at least a few years; I am just stuck.

I am stuck in all of the same emotions that have been with me since I was that little 8yo boy... Fear of so many different things that it seems irrational, full of self loathing and blame, and utter isolation because being a part of society is just far too intimidating for me to do.

Anyway I am glad that I did find my way back to this community.
 
Welcome back This is a good place, I don't really think anyone enjoys being here, knowing it is here when you need it is a good thing.
 
I think of MS as an oasis... always here to provide safety and sustenance. Being with men who understand how painful it is to live through what sexual trauma does to us is a great relief. You can tell from the number of posts I've made in the last two years that I've needed this place, these men BIG time. Here we can share everything... the good, bad and even the most shameful parts of our journey. Welcome back. You can lean into this place, these men, as you uncover what is damaged and begin the repair work needed to claim a life free from shame and regret. That is possible, but it is hard work. All the best to you on your healing journey Ozzie.
 
Thank you all for your kind welcomes... And thank you Visitor, you are right. It is only in a place such as this that I feel we can honestly be understood and fully accepted. No one should need to be a member of a community like this one, but I thank you all for being here with me.
 
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