Sorry, I'm re-posting this here:
I'm beginning to realize that I have been the target of female bullies for most of my life. It's almost as if they are attracted to me, like they specifically target me. Has anyone else experienced this? Have you figured out a way of detecting them, dealing with them, or just avoiding them?
I am currently dealing with a female bully at work, she has been covertly bullying me, undermining me and gossiping about me behind my back. Last week, when no one else could see or hear her, she verbally attacked me in a most vicious and threatening way. She called me a "lazy f_ck" (amongst many other really hideous things) because I work more slowly than other people. But this is due to my chromic pain. I've been legally designated a person with a disability, so she's basically discriminating against me. I really want this to stop, so I can actually focus on my work, and not have to deal with this anxiety all day.
I feel like I'm a soft target, because having been abused by women as a child has somehow influenced the manner in which I deal with these women; either that, or there has always been something different about me that makes me a target for toxic women. I suspect I may have undiagnosed, high functioning Asperger's disorder. Not that I'm blaming myself, because I think covert female bullying is an hidden epidemic, and these types of women and girls strategically target men/boys such as myself.
I do tend to be more avoident, and less able to confront such people about their behaviors... it doesn't help that most of my teachers and care takers who raised me, who were all women, taught me that it was politically incorrect to confront women and to stand up to them. Even if they are being abusive, toxic or bullying. I was taught that these were either the results of a women being oppressed by men, or that I was labeling them "bitch" because I don't like confident women. Of course, I now know that none of that is true when dealing with female bullies, but I still have to walk on egg shells in my work place to avoid being labeled a misogynist or a women hater.
So it's a bit of a catch 22: I either let her bully me, and all the ladies (I'm the only male employee) at work will loose respect for me as a result, or stand up to her, and risk being labeled her oppressor by them. The degree of cognitive dissonance this creates in me is itself becoming a source of stress and anxiety. It doesn't help that she's probably been going around and talking about me behind my back to all the women there. You might ask why am I bothering to stay at this job. The problem is that I'm flat out broke, on disability, I work part time for very little money, and I won't be able to afford the next months rent if I were to quit this job, even if I found another job. I would probably have to move, and that would probably mean having to live with roommates (which is not an option). And jobs in my area are few and far between at this time of the year. Again, I'm stuck in a catch 22. I want to find a way out of this, but I just don't now how.
I'm thinking of going to a disability advocate, and writing a letter to my employers about it, stating that I am being discriminated against for my disability. I would confront her directly, but I don't feel safe doing this... discussing this issue with her will require that my employer be present to ensure she doesn't loose her shit on me again. Hence, the letter. Also, I feel I need to document the ongoing narrative of this women's behavior, to be able to present it succinctly, and clearly to my employer, and to be able to pass it along to an advocate at the employment centre. This will also make it so that my employers and the woman who's been targeting me can't deny the abuse. One of the problems with this whole situation is that the boss with the most authority is a woman, she is elderly, showing signs of dementia, and thus is easily manipulated by people like this female bully. It also seems as though the boss, who is a woman, tends to side more with the other women at work, and she is particularly critical of me, way more than she is of any of the women. This elderly woman, who is my boss, runs the wildlife rehabilitation centre out of her home, and the society I work for is organized such that she has all the authority. So it's a very complicated situation, to say the least. Some days I just want to hop on a boat, and escape back to my parent's place, and forget about all of this, but that really isn't an option at this point.
I really love what I do, but the part I love is wildlife rehabilitation and non-profit work, and not so much having to deal with these kinds of people. I'm beginning to think that maybe this type of workplace is a refuge for the broken. It's painful to have to realize this, because I think I may be one of them.
