It’s been a long miserable journey...

Jayishere

Registrant
A forced journey through a realm of despair, loss possibilities, defeat, anger and acceptance of life’s luck of the draw.

I came across this website by chance, looking for ways to find out if vids or photos of myself being victimized exist, as I have read that many victims of CSA have found themselves re-living the nightmare and finding out there are recorded segments of memories they had subconsciously blocked being traded in the DW. I spent several hours yesterday reading the written anecdotal evidence from everyone who has chosen to relate their awful experiences, some of the things disclosed are appalling and I feel “luckier “ for sure.

I have serious gaps in the development of the more serious moments, frozen images of scenes that left a permanent imprint and impact in my memory. I have, for the most part, been able to establish a chronological order of events and can pinpoint year, times and exact location where the abuses took place. I hope to tell my solid story soon.

I hope to find any such traces if they still exist and will engage all legal efforts to erase them from the WWW including the Dark, Darker and even the Pitch Black Web if that’s a thing.
 
Welcome! Although it sounds as if you found MS by accident I can assure you this community is exactly where you need to be. There are many men here who can offer the support & understanding you need as you confront your past. You are not alone in what you experienced, what you are experiencing, & you don't have to be alone as you allow yourself to heal. Please do take care & best of luck to you!
 
So sorry Jay. No child should experience what you did. Sadly that is true for all the men who come to this website. Our innocence was taken. We were violated and have had to live with that our whole lives. You are not alone with any of this. I'm glad you found this site and chose to introduce yourself. Yes, there are quite a few men here whose violation was caught on film. That didn't happen to me gratefully. The possibility that images or videos still exist would certainly add another level to the pain you must carry. I hope you'll spend time here and find some comfort. We will listen without judgment and offer what support we can as you find your way through the memories and continue your healing journey. Please be patient and gentle with yourself. Welcome, and again, I'm sorry you experienced such things.
 
A forced journey through a realm of despair, loss possibilities, defeat, anger and acceptance of life’s luck of the draw.

I came across this website by chance, looking for ways to find out if vids or photos of myself being victimized exist, as I have read that many victims of CSA have found themselves re-living the nightmare and finding out there are recorded segments of memories they had subconsciously blocked being traded in the DW. I spent several hours yesterday reading the written anecdotal evidence from everyone who has chosen to relate their awful experiences, some of the things disclosed are appalling and I feel “luckier “ for sure.

I have serious gaps in the development of the more serious moments, frozen images of scenes that left a permanent imprint and impact in my memory. I have, for the most part, been able to establish a chronological order of events and can pinpoint year, times and exact location where the abuses took place. I hope to tell my solid story soon.

I hope to find any such traces if they still exist and will engage all legal efforts to erase them from the WWW including the Dark, Darker and even the Pitch Black Web if that’s a thing.
@Jayishere I am glad you stumbled onto MS.

Your inner strength is so evident in your drive. I hope you take care of yourself while you are on your mission. Please reach out for support and stay in contact. It can be a long, twisting path with surprising discoveries. Not only what you may find out on the web, but what comes up within you. Feelings, thoughts as well as memories may come to you at the least likely time. Please build a support system that you can lean on. MS is a great addition to anything else you have going for you.
 
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