issues:on not being perfect

issues:on not being perfect
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
growing up it was demanded that i be perfect
in everyway - so much so that i began to demand that of others both friends or boyfriends and no
ability to see my own limitations or my own -
a non humane outlook from a non humane and abusive
violent upbringing -

i think i may be alcholic or at least have those
tendancies

i realize my weakness and weaknesses essentially -

but to get through - do i focus on my strengths and being there for my friends during their time of need?

anybody?
 
edit - my own limitations or theirs-
 
Mark,

Sounds like you have two issues going on currently.

On perfection: Well, we're normally our own worse critics, aren't we? When we have it reinforced harshly, it's worse. We only see the bad in ourselves, never the good. We always think we're going to screw up and royally.

Mark, these are the voices of those who abused us, who made us feel small. Who, basically, LIED to us. They tore us down in order to feel better about themselves. They made us BELIEVE these lies, which is worse.

My friend, my dear friend, don't believe these lies. You're a great guy and an upright person. More to the point, you deserve to be considered as such, most importantly by you yourself.

And, when you take care to be gentle with yourself, you'll find, I think, that you'll be easier on other people too. We lash out sometimes when we don't think of ourselves as measuring up. It perpetuates, you see. Being gentle with yourself allows you to be gentle with other people.

Now, as to the alcohol thing. That's a question that only you can answer. Do you rely on alcohol? Do you NEED it to get through the day, or through really rough patches? Can you just stop drinking? If you have doubts about any of these, it might be a good idea to look into.

Running from your pain, or trying to drown it, doesn't work. Take it from someone who struggles with it. Pain is a world-class swimmer and an excellent runner. It's hard, but only by FACING what hurts do we conquer it.

Mark, you are a fine man. You are stronger than you know. I know you. It's a matter of getting through the rough patches, and I know you are able to do that.

You need anything, bro, PM or e-mail me. I'm always here for you.

Peace and love, Mark,

Scot
 
I also have the problem of expecting perfection from myself. It is very difficult to let go of this irrational need to be perfect. But it is possible. It just takes time and sweat to learn another way to think.
Casey
 
MGB; Can you imagine if you were really perfect. In my case it would likely drive me insane. I mean how damned boring everything would be. I learned a long time ago that only by making mistakes did I learn anything in life.

So relax and give up the perfection shit. You do not have to live to anyone elses expectations except your own. And remember you are human. That kind of ensures you are not perfect.

Now the Alcoholic thing. I have been a member of AA for a long time and I have a view on alcoholism. If you think you may be you definitely are. I mean if you are not why would you think that. I used alcohol first to numb the abuse, then to make it worse, then to hide from the world and myself and finally to make excuses for my screw ups.

When I went to my first AA meeting on October 29,1976 I was terrified. What was I going to do in a room full of drunks. I have been sober ever since. And the only way I know how. I have never promised never to drink again. My only committment is for today. Today I will not drink.

Hope this helps a bit
 
Hi, my name is Curtis and Im an alcoholic.

Boy I havent said that in a long time.

My problem with alcohol is that when it came to drinking, I could say no to a drink 99 times out of 100. Without fail though, when it came to 100 I couldnt stop once I got started. So it was easy for my friends and family to say that I didnt have a drinking problem and for the longest time, that enabled me to keep drinking.

Now I say no 100 times out of 100 and it has turned my life around.

That, and always telling the truth, even the little fibs weigh on your heart and you cant even feel them until they are gone.

Thank you,

(if anyone needs a soapbox, I got one that Im finished with)
 
Commander Mark,

Nobody is perfect. I am sure not, as you probably already noticed. There are many things I can't do and accept that, most of it anyways. I am probably my toughest critic. I don't know if that is something we should be or not. But, perfect isn't something that we can achieve, no matter how hard we try. We can try to do better. But anything, including self-improvement, can be excessive.

Take care and accept yourself, the good and the minor flaws,
Bill
 
thanks guys - this place this post and these past few days have been incredibly helpful
and key for me in my life -
kudos to tallsteve too - and crisispoint for and
all of you who have been so incredibly supportive -
i know who i am these days and wasn't too sure of that before -
you have caught me so many times - you all are catchers in the rye - saved me from heading off that cliff -
but this is really a note about happiness -
and loving - joy and exciting contentedness -
calm - smiling -
i love you guys - i love ms -
i am here for you if you need me too -
pm if you need anything -
 
I was never pushed to be perfect. Not directly at least. I was always told that I could do anything, but anytimne that I did accomplish anything there was no real response, no support, just a non emotional "I knew you could do it" without even the slightest glance away from what they were doing. It didn't matter what it was that I accomplished. I could have won a Nobel prize and it wouldn't have mattered. There was no reinforcement at all whatsoever. Also, there was no fine tuning or direction supported. So, now I have widespread knowledge in almost everything. lol I have role models such as DaVinci and other geniuses like him. lol
 
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