isolation

[bey]

Before I got sick I'd say I was very extroverted. I played in rec league sports, had drinking friends and serious talks friends and it was a rare thing for me to spend an evening alone. And then my health started declining and I couldn't play sports any more. AAnd then I couldn't go out 7 nights a week any more. And then I couldn't eat or drink any more so invites to the bar stopped. Plus I'm on an iv 13 hours a day which cuts down on my mobility. My marriage kind of collapsed and while I'm sure we wwill stay friends not having that stable friendship any more was a blow. Suddenly instead of having people around all the time I am home alone every day. My biggest social outing is often the doctor. Whomp Whomp.
I'm just coming out of probably the worst depression I've ever gone through. It was crazy, often I felt like I was in a nightmare, truly a psychotic break at times where all I wanted was for it to end. My worsening physical health combined with getting clean from a short relapse and then the end of my marriage just knocked me on my ass and things are just starting to feel stable again. Albeit an unsteady type of stable.
Having so much time alone, I've been sort of getting used to my own company. I look forward to little conversations with people. A text from my son, an email from a friend, a visit with someone. It's like life has slowed right down and I didn't even realize it was going so fast. Not to say I'm not struggling being so isolated right now. I am. But I guess I am appreciating things more. I'm thankful for a lot of things. I wwant my old life back, my old body back. I want to be able to distract myself from painful memories and beliefs with friends and life and fun and sex. But if that can't happen, if l have to be sick, I'm glad I'm going to see my son tomorrow. And that someone made me laugh today. And that against all odds I'm about to turn 38.
Ups and downs, I suppose.

 

[Elad1]

(bey)

Sorry to hear of your depression, I know all to well the feeling as I stand with you, and glad to hear that you are coming out of it. I often say "living life on life's terms." Every time I try to force progress my higher power says "no, you just sit, listen and learn." There is so much life living a slower pace, there is even the philosophy called "the slow movement", it started with food because society has become so detached from the source. I have come to understand that I actually experience more of life living a slower pace. It sounds like your on the right track.

 

[justplainme]

[video:youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eqcs2qBZsj4[/video]

 

[Tryingtolive]

Some days it feels weird not to be in isolation
Some days it only feels right to be in isolation

 

[Shyshark]

Life isn't fair ... in so many ways.
I wish it was kinder to you ... you are a good man.

 

[smc1972]

Bey,

I hate to read what you are going through. This might not seem like much but please know you have helped me in my journey. I know I am not doing myself much good but I do look up to those like yourself that gave encouraged me.

I hate this journey I am on and wish I could move on and reach a better place. But just know you do help me.

 

[Judd]

Happy birthday mate, I fight to get wifi to email more