Is this place safe or not?

Is this place safe or not?
shadowkid said:
all the the site does is mirror the real world ,
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omg this is NOT the real world at all! this is like the farthest from the real world. this is like a bubble. real life doesnt have delete buttons or mods to remind us when we are naughty. most of the guys here, myself included wouldn't talk about some of this stuff in "real life." if someone gets pissy or hurt here we can just leave the room. you don't get that in the real world. if this actually was a mirror the world would appear vastly different than it is.
 
"i'll risk anything to finally belong somewhere ,to not be alone is worth any risk that exists here."

That's what many of us want, to belong somewhere. Like I said in another post, when I found this place it was like finding the brothership. I'm not sure I like saying mothership cuz of my own mother issues, but I think the point is clear. :D
 
Jarrad,

You are right to a certain extent at least. I have found however that there are delete buttons and mods to remind us when we've been naughty in real life. They're called partners, wives, bosses, traffic cops, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, teachers, etc.

Perhaps that's not what you had in mind, but my mind immediately went there, LOL.

John
 
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It's good to see Unmoderated is thriving as usual!!!

I will just comment that when I first came here in May 2005 I was trembling like a leaf and convinced it would all go badly. But I was desperate and I felt I had nowhere lower to collapse to.

If I had been treated badly in chat or if I had been slated on the DB, I would have run for cover and never come back. It was the warmth and fellowship here that convinced me to keep returning, despite my fears. Sure, I did the therapy and all the rest of it, but MS played a vital role. Without it I doubt that I could ever have made the progress that I did.

I don't think it is possible to resolve some of the questions that are being asked here, and I wonder if that's really necessary. Surely the key point is this: We all have to focus on our own recovery, but at the same time we have to bear in mind that we are part of a community here. I can't go to work and expect everyone to put up with endless shit just because I have problems - why should the same expectations of basic decency not apply here?

Much love,
Larry
 
To me this site is real and the hurt of the people are real. I can share with people and get some answers. It is for me to decide wheather those answers are applicable to me or not.

Where I am there are NO support for CSA victims. You wont believe how I struggled just to get hold of the Victims No Longer Book. And yet statistics indicate a child is raped every 8 minutes in South Africa. And there is NO NO NO support here. So i have found my support on the MS website. At least when I read the posts here I know I am not alone in my struggle or my feelings. Here are people i can talk to that will understand although they might be in the USA, Australia or England.

And to get back to the original question: Yes I think it is relatively safe and the good i got out of the site is much MUCH greater than the bad.
 
Larry,

I agree with you. No one can go out into the world and expect folks to put up with crap because we have problems. If i did that I'd get booted out the door. The same SHOULD apply here.

I avoid the chat room because, before I registered back in February, I read a post or two regarding bad behavior in the chat room. I didn't need and still don't need the risk of getting flamed. So, I stay away from it.

My personal opinion is that newbies like my self should not be allowed in the chat room for a certain amount of time. That may sound too restrictive but hurting just one survivor looking for help only to be condemned negates the goodness of the chat room.

This discussion board, for me, is a life line. When I'm at work, which i am right now, and feel overwhelmed here are my friends. This site is great.

Pietie, big cyber {{{hug}}}.

I love you all.

-lost
 
lost, thats great but i feel more connected with the chat room. that just proves we are all different. its not up to us to decide who should use the chat room and who shouldnt. we are all smart. we should use both at our own disgresssion
 
This place is as 'real' as can be anything on internet, without face to face interacting with people. Anyone with a computer can lie. It is reality.

There is people here that I know in real life, before even I come here. And there is people here I have get to know more personaly then others, that is nature, some people connect different. I know that it is not suggested to connect with each other away of here (but why then are there the retreats? It do the exact thing), but there is few persons here in the time I been here that I have trust enough and connect enough to talk with in emails, instant messenger, and even on phone. That is because that, even in this, such place that there can be 'fake' and 'perps' or such, those are people I have feel enough I connect with to trust that connection. If I am wrong of my feeling of that, then I am wrong, and it is something 'on' me, not this site.

I guess, I think this place is in its intention, to be a 'safety' place in a wild and not safe internet. It is just as the 'real world', you are as safe with people, you know people, as much as they give to you, and they could be lying and manipulating you, they could be total honest. There is risk in everything. But I think here, there is rules and inforcing of them, to help keep it as safe as it can be. The moderaters work hard, and we also will 'look out' for each other here, reporting not appropriate posts and behaviour. We can not 'police' the behaviour choices of others. We can not make people to be safe, to be honest, even here. We can just deal with what happens because of the personal choice.

VN
 
really well said Visha.
 
I feel that the safest place here is in the paying member forums here at MS.

The board admin. knows who we are. We paid by some means, credit card, check...

Being here almost two years now, i have not seen anybody inside the members walls that i would question their motives or behavior.

It is a different world inside the walls of paid members forums IMHO
 
I got a little more info from the other suvivor site. They do not want anyone in the chat room until they have spent some time reading the posts, "getting to know the players", as it were. Also, they feel that if someone is not to the point in the recovery process where they can "post" a question in a forum, that person has no business in a "live" situation. I think this is a good idea.

Walking South, I hope I didn't sound "concrete". I think the chat room is a wonderful place. There is healing there. But I don't believe anyone is going to heal from CSA in the chat. Baby steps are needed in the beginning, and the chat is no "safe" enough for baby steps.

Now about that bank, send me a check, I'll start construction.

GW
 
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lol GW!

~~~~~~~~

Well said pietie. That is exactly the kind of thing I was referring to when I said there are people here who have no other source available. MS does provide a community of support to many.

Is it entirely safe? Of course not, but then neither is anything in real life. That's just the facts of it, unfortunately.

Should MS be a substitute for Therapy and local support? No, but again there are folk who come here who, for whatever reason have limited options such as yourself.

We as members of this community owe it to each other to attempt to make this site as safe and supportive as we can. There has been much healing take place within these cyber walls and I think we'd all like to see that continue and to improve.

Lots of love,

John
 
I still consider myself relatively new here and have found that the chat room can be a useful tool in getting information from others.
There have been a few times when I felt uncomfortable. In those instances I have logged off. Never have I felt any animosity from others there, everyone has always been very helpful. Whether discussing something of importance or sharing a laugh, I have enjoyed my time in chat.
 
People who cause harm or chase another survivor away should be REMOVED or their membership status should be revoked leaving them as a guest. It would be wonderful to suspend their chat privileges or some form of punishment.

It is not cool, healing and/or supportive to be mean or controlling in a chatroom- ESPECIALLY if someone is in serious pain. Suggesting they read posts before allowing into chat is just another way of silencing survivors. There are compassionate ways to engage a new chatter (via PMS) to make suggestions.

When I first came online here I was bursting with emotions and needed to vent, relate and belong.

I guess I should consider myself lucky that I talked to Dewey2k, GW Survives, Visha- who when I went off topic or off on a tangent- they compassionately guided me to a safe place.

I for one believe everyone of us should have that experience- at least when they first arrive.

I hope they wrap that asshole on the knuckles for chasing a brother in pain away.

Much love,

Darrell
 
walkingsouth said:
Should MS be a substitute for Therapy and local support? No, but again there are folk who come here who, for whatever reason have limited options such as yourself.
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And on the flip side, I don't think that you will find a single therapist who would say that MS is a safe place for healing.

I may be alone in this, but there was a stage of my therapy where my therapist advised me not to go to any chatrooms or discussion groups. He didn't think they were a safe environment for me.

I see a lot of proposed solutions here, but they are all band-aids. My original argument was that we are still giving the impression that this site is safe when it is not. I know that there is a significant population of good guys here, but I have also seen some of these same guys launch some pretty hateful attacks on other members, including new members.

Banning or blocking people is not the solution. Preventing new members from using the chat or making them go to a new forum is not the solution. There is no solution, short of photographic and documented verification of identities, and that is not technically feasible.

The reality is, again, that the site is unsafe. I think rather than trying to find new ways to police it, we should spend more time warning new members of the very real dangers that exist here.
 
I think if we spent all our time warning new members of any possible dangers here, we would soon have no members because we would scare everyone off. If that had been the policy when I came here, I would not have stayed. I keep hearing the statement that MS is not safe. What is the alternative - shut it down? Sorry, but that seems to be what I'm hearing, that MS is useless and just needs to go away. Or perhaps the discussion board and chat should just go away, since they are allowing people to interact with each other?
 
EGL said:
If that had been the policy when I came here, I would not have stayed.
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I agree with you whole heartedly on that statement. And adding a large warning before entering the site will also scare away people from the site.

When i came here i was desperate for help but the message i would have received (with the above warning) would have been "You cant get help here" which is simply not true.

We get hurt everywhere. I just again burnt my fingers with a "good friend". That is reality in life. At least on the board I was allowed to get some of the hidden anger,anxiety and hatred out of my system without people telling me I am not suppose to swear or what ever.

Perhaps new survivors should be made well aware of the process to contact the moderators immediately after such an event. Or better even give them this post to read with that.
 
nobby why did you come back? not being argumentitive ,just wondered.
 
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