is this ok? please thoughts

is this ok? please thoughts
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
I do not know if this is really a problem or

me awakening

or still getting ok - with not putting stop gaps

on my desires or interests -

when I was three years old -

one of the obliterating moments

and then also i was told - I was VERY selfish -

and so -

i always was told it was bad -

now i know that was all bunk - and just weird

but

my hunger is huge -

i love GOOD food -

bad - food - I want to throw across the room !

:)

but oh good meals - yum!

-

and other stuff -

i love to work -

sometimes

and buy!

and travel!

and workout -

and play

etc...

but sometimes - i wonder if I am

it's as if it could ever be - finished

or is it the distinction between emotions

fulfilling that -

and or a fixation
?

i mean - I don't know -

i hope I will make enough to afford -

my appetites

i don;t like the idea -

now that i am in touch with it -

of dampening -

my spirit - to

live in a debt free state

but rather - would hope

to charge forward in some kind of means

to get the cash to fill my pie hole :)

lol

i have no idea -
what's is this about?

i am feeling guilty for wanting

spoiled? or irresponsible

but i don't think this is the time to be in denial

but rather hope -

i feel others are managing this better


m
 
i had saved a lot of money as a kid

250 dollars by age 8 in 1976 -

and they told me i was SO CHEAP

and made me feel bad -

so i stopped and just focused on art-

now it's like -

i can't take pleasure in saving - as much

now -
 
mgb,
Your description of yourself sounds happy, healthy and life affirming to me. You saved $250 by the time you were 8 years old?
To me, that's not cheap, that's wise and prudent far beyond your years, and would provide the means for travel, art, good dining, etc.,
Saving and planning for these things should be a source of pleasure and satisfaction; not an occasion for self-doubt and guilt.
Remember, "Living Well is the Best Revenge!"
"You Go, Girl!!"
Love, etc.,
 
hehe
 
i guess the things is guys - is that i have this inner fear that becuase i am mixed up inside - and say not as i should have been -
now


i have this lingering insecurity that i am not normal -

somehow there is something wrong

but i gather too -

this being bullshit

and I am 'NORMAL'

for

ME

just AS no one is better qualified

to BE ME

than Me!

:)

Mgb
 
it's funny too -


this morning i was exhausted because even though still early - i had been working

VERY HARD - to do errands - and houseclean and workout -

but i felt worthless if I wasn't active -

so I realized i was thinking -

now I find I do like the activity -

as it gives calm for that insecure feeling

that i am not achieving - or gaining -

or contributing to things - my future -

and keeping on top of stuff

a nervous squirrel minding my acorns

m
 
i don't enjoy worrying but i guess that's what i do

worry -

work -

get exhausted -

ok - who wants a boyfriend like me :(
 
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