Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????

Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
B

babs

Registrant
Hey guys--
A new female member to the forum,Concerned, asked this question:
...is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with his step-father when in a hurry?
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as part of another thread. I started a new topic so nobody missed this question. As another woman I have my own thoughts, but will keep them to myself because she is looking for your POV! So what do you think?

Babs
 
Everyone,
I got sick, then mad when I heard about this because it flashed me out!!!! When I was a kid and told that I had to take a shower...I would just start crying then I would dissocaite...NOW I KNOW WHY...SA always took place...what else should I say??????????? A PI would probe the house for sound and record it ...I would catch up with the guy and do some 3th degree work...My biker person kept a guy from NY for 8 days until he talked...then we took him to the police and stayed to make sure that he talked to them....I maybe a little to old and less wild but I do feel that this kid is being raped!!!

Eddie :mad:
 
I am reposting from the other one as well.

It is not appropriate for a 9 year old to shower with his stepfather, period.

I have known my stepson for over four years, he is eight. I may be hypersensitive, but I do not think it is appropriate for me to interact with him when he is nude, let alone when he and I are both nude! I am not even a blood relative, for God's sake!

I believe school age is past the age when even parents and children should be nude together, alone and in private (in America, at least, where we are ALL sexualized to some degree by the media).
 
HI...I read the other tread and this one.....all I have to say is just how much of a hurry do you have to be in to break the law...I dont know about the state you live in...but in most states there is a law against a grown man taking a shower with a 9 y/o boy......maybe you should send copies of the e-mail to the DA, his comanding officer, as well as CPS....if there is any truth to this everyone needs to know.......this entire thing about being in a hurry realy bugs me BAD!!!!!! I mean I've been to wedding's, funeral's, awards ceramonties, family dinners..etc...and have never been in such a hurry that I bathed with my children....my wife maybe...but not my kids......I think you should yell and scream and yell somemore untill someone finds out just what is going on in this home..........I have to agree I think this boy is being raped.........
James
 
the memory of showers gives me the creeps, at boarding scool we had big communal showers and some of the teachers had more than a passing interest in making sure we were using soap.
Kid's need privacy, I think it's possibly different to use a shower after a football game with others, but alone with a stepfather.....
No way
Lloydy
 
Thanks for the responses, I didn't think I was crazy.

I just hope that maybe my yelling and screaming about this wrongness will maybe give my nephew the courage to speak up or at least realize that what is being done is wrong.

I have been looking into websites for mothers who have denied SA and who are now aware of it and dealing with their guilt. Maybe, they can give me some insite on how to deal and/or talk to my sister about this.

Thanks again, I look forward to any other advice you guys can give me. You have been great. Thanks for the support and good luck to all of you in dealing with your own hurt.

You guys may of had to deal with a tremedous hurt, but may be helping me help a child in need.

Thanks,
 
I don't know the context in which her question is asked.
I notice in the answers a lot of pain relating to SA is triggered.

As an European and used to the existance of nudebeaches, nudists and sane adults having been children of nudists i am surprised, that there exists a law in the US against showering with a kid.
I try to understand this law. My guess is, the law is to prevent SA.
As an adult having experienced SA as a 3 yr old: told to hold the lid, been fondled, afraid for getting beaten, afraid for being shout at, i say RESPECT.

When i compare, showering as a 9yr boy with a stephfather, with what i experienced, i don't wonder what could be abusive in that scene, but i do wonder what would be abusive about that itself.

I think being a 9yr-old, when i feel respected and comfortable with the man and his nakedness and my privacy is not intruded it may even be fun.

I can imagine, that for a woman a naked man can cause strong feelings or reactions, but for a boy?

And how is that for naked women amongst eachother? Is seeing a naked woman comfortable with herself (doing nothing sexual) a threath to a girl?

Let me be clear: I don't want to give any man an excuse to force a boy to showering with him.
Too many times perpetrators question the abusiveness of their acts.

The expercience of SA and the pain caused by it often does relate to showering and nakedness.
We need healing from the pain, not from the showering or the nakedness.
In my opinion, SA is not showering or being naked together itself, it is the absence of respect of integrity.

Be honest reacting to me.
 
Just to get my 2 cents worth in. NO! IT IS NOT ALRIGHT FOR A 9 YEAR TO SHOWER WITH ANY ADULT! I have 2 sons ages 3 and 1 and my wife and I are divorced. If I learned that either of my boys were showering with an adult I would be down at the police station and getting a court order for sole custody!
 
Manchild
I see what you are saying but it's one hell of a fine line between being at ease with nudity and feeling overwhelmed.
I think that if there is a big age difference then the child might easily feel "obliged"
And I agree that when non family adults are involved then it's wrong.
It's a very lucky family that feels at ease with nudity.
Lloydy
 
If negative effects are prevented with "adults do not shower with kids, period" so be it. I like to add: we can't live upon rules alone. We can't catch the fine line of real situations in descriptions in words. I think the world is too complex for that.

We need to confront our feelings, learn to deal with them for what they are, learn what feels good and come to peace with our pain, so we can learn to use feelings, cultivating our intution, our sixth sense.

I consider respect the sense for the "fine line" Lloydy just named and that is what i think is important, because we will find many situations where rules alone won't tell us what to do.

I thrive towards the love of good, rather than the fear for bad, towards a relaxed and constructive atmosphere, which includes respect and expression of feelings, wishes and thoughts.

I have read concerneds post (under "liar liar") and agree with the advice of contacting professionals.
 
i doubt that I would shower with my 9 year old, but I remember my dad atleast once, not sure why nothing strange was going on.

As of now no kids, if it was a daughter the answer would be a little more obvious, no for sure. By 9 most kids can wash themselves.
 
I have reread my replies on this topic and i felt hate for what i have written, because i see similarity with words that perps use to deny the effect of damage of their deeds.

SA or sex is not allways where we suspect it is and unfortunately SA exists because it is there where we don't suspect it or where people don't want to see it.
 
Manchild
What you wrote in your first reply was absolutely right,
I think being a 9yr-old, when i feel respected and comfortable with the man and his nakedness and my privacy is not intruded it may even be fun.
Click to expand...
Let me be clear: I don't want to give any man an excuse to force a boy to showering with him.
Click to expand...
I agree that it's not the act of father and son being comfortable together, naked in a shower that is the problem.
the problem comes when one of them feels uncomfortable, especially the boy. At that point power and influence become a problem as well, and for me certainly the abuse of power my abusers had over me had a worse effect than the sex.
Lloydy
 
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