Is there a place for me?

Eyes1111

Registrant
It seems like the more I try to come to terms with the mistreatment from women and girls in the past, it's becoming like I'll never have a place in this world.

Everything is all about how Boys only bully boys and girls only bully girls. No one talks about how cruel girls can be to boys. At least I thought it was cruel. Can't be the only one around here.

Pulling down my pants in elementary school with the others, sicking a boyfriend on me to do their dirtywork in high school when I wouldn't participate in one of their games they initiated with the others, yelled at, called a weirdo amongst other thing; can anyone honestly say girls and women aren't cruel?

Reality is I don't think there ever will be a place for this tale of mine. This half of it. However, there's plenty of space for calling out the boys and men.

Just really sad at the moment of facing this reality. I may not have been sexually abused, but I know cruelty when I withstand it.

I actually contemplated suicide a few minutes ago, and it's a rare occassion that those thoughts enter my head. Who would want to live in a world where girls and women get off scot free?

I'm tired of always having to re-direct my anger to the boys and men. Why can't I express my rage towards girls and women at an equal level? No, enough with the "You're an unusual case" excuse.

WHY THE HELL WERE THOSE GIRLS AND WOMEN CRUEL TO ME?

:(

Will there ever be a chance for peace?
 
Eyes1111 said:
Can't be the only one around here.
you are not alone.

I am sorry for what you had to endure....i too have been hurt by many women...if i may, here is part of my story that i posted elsewhere on the forums


****warning...triggering*****


"My first childhood memory involves abuse of some kind. I was at a nursery school run out of a womans house. One day she was serving chicken soup for lunch and I refused to eat itso she physically shoved the spoon down my throat until I threw up. From that point forward, I had to eat in the bathroom with my plate on top of the toilet seat, in case I throw up again. I remember that bathroom with the white tile floor and black toilet seat. Legend has it that my sister called the woman a whore and when she called my father to complain he replied how does she know you so well? I am not sure whether that part is true but it made me feel (somewhat) better.

Of course, that pales in comparison to what was to follow...years of sexual abuse by my mother. I cant remember my exact age but I would estimate it at between 6-8 years old.probably longer."

and that was the beginning of years of hurt...always seeking out women who were not emotionally available...rather selfish and cruel.


You are right that men like us have fewer places to turn...but i am optimistic that things are changing. I recently attended the Malesurvivor conference where i took all sessions related to female abuse (ironically, i got triggered by a female in one of them, but that is another story)...i can send you the PowerPoint presentations if you think it will help.

I have also found some good books that touch upon this:
- The New Male Sexuality
- When He Is Married to Mom
- Toxic Parents

in addition to all the top books for malesurvivors.

you are not alone.
 

J1

Registrant
Eyes;

its ok..I have some of the same history...buy yes, the female on male abuse is a bit less common overall. In my case it was incest from my Mom...and later a female pediatrician was very rough with me...but in the essence of surviving...I think a lot of the feelings and anger will be similar for all of us. I have had great therapists, and last year I had a triggered meltdown after a family event... I was in despair and had never felt like I needed to be gone from this planet.....

I called my dr., and had a pal come over, and told my story..the Dr., prescribed some sleeping pills and we decided to just get through the night and trust that the next day would be better...It worked out.....sooo...on those especially difficult moments or days...try to divert yourself with a friend or some awareness that it will be ok and you can make it through the day..Overall I find fitness and doing more organic things like gardening or cooking can really build my strength and it provides me with control and outcome that is totally up to me... we are all here for you..

J1
 

Eyes1111

Registrant
J1 said:
Eyes;

its ok..I have some of the same history...buy yes, the female on male abuse is a bit less common overall. In my case it was incest from my Mom...and later a female pediatrician was very rough with me...but in the essence of surviving...I think a lot of the feelings and anger will be similar for all of us. I have had great therapists, and last year I had a triggered meltdown after a family event... I was in despair and had never felt like I needed to be gone from this planet.....

I called my dr., and had a pal come over, and told my story..the Dr., prescribed some sleeping pills and we decided to just get through the night and trust that the next day would be better...It worked out.....sooo...on those especially difficult moments or days...try to divert yourself with a friend or some awareness that it will be ok and you can make it through the day..Overall I find fitness and doing more organic things like gardening or cooking can really build my strength and it provides me with control and outcome that is totally up to me... we are all here for you..

J1

The only extra carricular activity that staves it off is writing my play. It's the only way to make things a little clearer in times of need.

Just a matter of whether people will accept a storyline about a man sexually abused by a woman, and also female bullying of males or whether they'll lynch me daring to suggest that abuse by women is nothing compared to abuse by men.
 
Eyes,

I think it is still hard for our society to address the concept that a women can be the aggressor towards men in anyway. The false perception that males are the stronger of the two and so cannot be victimized by a female. When in effect we are taught from childhood submit to our mothers or female authority no matter what. That as the weaker sex we have to put there wants and needs above our own. And does this not create the same imbalances that we see in all abusive relationships. Women can have the same issues in regards to proper behavior and respecting boundaries as anybody else.
I know that I have great difficulties in maintaining the importance of my own needs in relation with important women in my life. Growing up with a mother with mental problems i was taught that she was allowed to act in any matter she wanted. Regardless of how her behavior effected anybody else in our family. That my own needs and safety were not important to those who were supposed to care for and protect me. That I was supposed to deny my own rights and needs to protect the hurtful behavior of others especially women. Not being allowed to have boundaries set me up to have one after another abusive relationship all my life. I was trained to be a doormat in regards to my relationships with women. No wonder I have such anger issues with the women close to me in my life. It's the only way that i can set any boundaries at all is to be runover until I can't take it anymore and lash out in anger to stop it. Not a very effective coping strategy. Just another unhealthy behavior pattern to unlearn.

Mike
 

dark empathy

Registrant
What you said eyes about your trousers being pulled down sounded so familiar. i had that happen along with some more serious things related to girls in secondary school at age 13-15.

people don't talk or want to know abut it, and society's protection of teenaged girls and the belief that they can do no wrong really irritates me sometimes with the memories I have.

not that I didn't have bad experiences with boys, but all the s/xual stuff happened with girls, and no, it's not regarded equally.

but there really is nothing else to do but get through whats' ahead, and one thing I will say for the chaps on this site, whether it was a man or a woman, a family member or anything they tend to be accepting, and many of the coping stratogies they've suggested have helped me as well.

i really hope you can get through this. Feel free to pm me if you want a chat.

Thinking of you,

Luke.
 

Eyes1111

Registrant
dark empathy said:
What you said eyes about your trousers being pulled down sounded so familiar. i had that happen along with some more serious things related to girls in secondary school at age 13-15.

people don't talk or want to know abut it, and society's protection of teenaged girls and the belief that they can do no wrong really irritates me sometimes with the memories I have.

not that I didn't have bad experiences with boys, but all the s/xual stuff happened with girls, and no, it's not regarded equally.

but there really is nothing else to do but get through whats' ahead, and one thing I will say for the chaps on this site, whether it was a man or a woman, a family member or anything they tend to be accepting, and many of the coping stratogies they've suggested have helped me as well.

i really hope you can get through this. Feel free to pm me if you want a chat.

Thinking of you,

Luke.

This is what dampers my spirits.

Knowing there's no possible way the environment will be accepting of what happened, outside of people who have been through experiences similiar to your own.

I wish society would treat girls and women who bully with the same vigrous contempt given men and boys. Unfortunatly, that's not their preogrative. At the moment.
 

dark empathy

Registrant
Well, "society" is an idiot, and a very disturbed one at that who believes contradictory things, harms others, has no regard for anyone around them and imho should be locked away from humanity until Society can learn to behave properly.


I prefer to deal with individuals. I have met people, ---- and not just people on this site who've been accepting, indeed friends of both gendas. Lucky for me my friends are individualists and don't let that bully society push them around anymore than I do.

Yes, seeing portrayal of genda in any sort of public light from fiction, to tv to academic studdies is bloody annoying! I once remember almost getting up and screaming during a lecture in my third year, supposedly an introduction to s/xual ethics, but one given by a truly horrible feminist (not that feminists generally are horrible), who flatly stated as an absolute fact that %70 of men would rape a woman if they could.

I only stopped myself from making a scene by sticking on a pair of headphones and playing some very loud music.

but living from day to day takes dealin with individuals not with the media, ---- and it's ultimately individuals who will be most helpful in dealing with these sorts of experiences.

You mention redirecting anger, ---- why? let society go jump in a lake, if you need to feel angry at those girls, ---- get angry! it's nobodys' anger but yours, and nobodys' business but yours.

Anger is something I've never managed myself, not towards the girls who were involed in what was tantamount to gang rape (this might in fact be my own failing), ---- but that's no reason you shouldn't if it would help you.

One day I do intend to write on this myself, and then maybe see if the public consciousness can be at least disturbed a litle, --- but that's stil in the future when I can actually talk about this without becoming over emotional.
 
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