Is the perceived need for revenge an early part of healing?

[mark250676]

I've become increasingly pre occupied by thoughts of revenge against my abuser. Not physical voilence but some sort of demonstration of the pain he and his family have caused.

My abuser was 15 at the time of the offences and I have since been told this will exclude him from any form of prosecution. I was never abused by his father but I have concerns that he was in someway linked to the abuse as the whole family were and still are very dysfunctional. The family play quite a large role in the local community, although are disliked nothing has ever been said about the abuse that took place. I know of at least 2 other people who were abused by my abuser, I lost my childhood best friend as a result of it.

There is a part of me that wants to expose what happened but another part that thinks this is just rage and all in all it might not be the best idea.

 

[John Oarc]

Talking to a therapist will be your best bet. You may or may not be ready to proceed with exposing him. The public needs to know but you may not be strong enough to proceed at this point, I have no idea about your strength so dont take it that I think you are not ready, a therapist will be able to guide you if you do decide to expose the truth.

Hope that helps, hang in there and yes exposing the truth is a part of the healing process.

 

[mark250676]

Thanks John but therapy is a whole other issue for me.

My first therapist made a joke of me talking about sucicide at the end of a session.

The next one was a man and it just didn't work for me. Not his fault.

The next one loved emdr but the touching just made me close up.

And my last one continually rebuked me for not opening up and didn't understand that I couldn't afford to she her more than 2 times a week even if I wanted to.

Not sure I can fail at therapy again.

 

[John Oarc]

For me finding a good therapist can be like the dating game, you have to shop around a bit and try not to give up with a failed attempt. I have to say that it took three before I found the right one and now I drive an hour and a half to see him once a year. I moved from the the town secondary to the job market change but I will not try another therapist, especially since he knows my history, starting over would be difficult.

I hope and pray that you find what you are looking for,

 

[roadrunner]

Mark,

How have you been about expressing your anger at what happened to you? That's very important - it's a way of breaking the silence and rejecting responsibility, among other things.

Once you have worked out your anger - and all of us have that, you might feel less focused on revenge or retribution. In any case, bear in mind that feelings like that soak up a lot of emotional resources that we need for coping, healing, and relating to those we love.

Much love,
Larry

 

[Whicker]

Mark,

It has been four years, 4 months since the memories of what happened to me began to resurface.
Three days after being admitted to the hospital for severe depression/PTSD, I was illegally fired from my job of 9 years, costing me all medical benefits, and income.

Revenge?

Absolutely...

 

[John Oarc]

Whicker, I hate that happenned to you. When you are down it seems to hit you hard when others lay more on top of you.

 

[mark250676]

Whicker,
My thoughts are with you. I work as a social worker in the mental health sector and yet the lack of understanding I have had from work has been massive. I to fear for my job as a result of my depression. Sadly work don't seem to give a damn. If I victimised a client becuase of a mental health diagnosis I would be fired but for them to do it is fine.

 

[TNuss]

I think everyone deal with things in different ways based on what else life ie dealing them. For I was able to use that advise of my therapiest to empower myself in some ways. I dream of another form of revenge. We are all different and have to do what we feel will give us our lives back in some way.

My therapist had me write letters to my abusers. Just having my feeling on paper gave me power, it felt like my revenge. It[the abuse] was out there on paper, I felt I had strength I hadn't had before.

I love to read murder mystery books that are part of a series. I dream of one day writing my own series of books where the main character is the adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The character finally receives justice for the abuse he suffered as a child. Part of the dream, each book in the series hits #1 on New York Times best seller list and I mail signed copies each book to each of my abusers. To me just having this dream, gives me a feeling of sweet revenge.