is suicide really all that bad?
My exsistence today depends on my desire to be free. Most of my life I have felt like a loser. It seem that everything I did, everything I said, and everything I tried to do, failed me. I knew not about happiness for there was none in my soul,only numbness,pain,and sorrow.
My wife of 26 years kept asking "What is wrong with you," and I said nothing. My silence was my nightmare. I ached of the pain inside because I could not let the truth be knowen. My reason for being was to make others happy , not myself, until I almost lost it all.
At that point I had nothing to lose, and I released my secret. I had 35 years of pain lock up that started to flow out. Should I take pills, or run into the back of that semi-truck, or maybe a bullet to the head would take the pain away.
I needed to be held, I needed to be secure. I cried out, but the pain did not go away. I pushed and the pain came back. I pushed harder but it kept coming back. I screamed but it still came back.
I'm still crying, pushing and screaming that pain away and it keeps coming back but each time it gets just a little bit easier. Slowly, ever so slowly I am filling that void with happiness.
Is SA about winning or losing? No, I believe it's about regaing the freedom that was stolen from me. Will I ever be happy? Will I ever be free? I'm damn well going to try. I deserve it. I believe we all do!
My wife of 26 years kept asking "What is wrong with you," and I said nothing. My silence was my nightmare. I ached of the pain inside because I could not let the truth be knowen. My reason for being was to make others happy , not myself, until I almost lost it all.
At that point I had nothing to lose, and I released my secret. I had 35 years of pain lock up that started to flow out. Should I take pills, or run into the back of that semi-truck, or maybe a bullet to the head would take the pain away.
I needed to be held, I needed to be secure. I cried out, but the pain did not go away. I pushed and the pain came back. I pushed harder but it kept coming back. I screamed but it still came back.
I'm still crying, pushing and screaming that pain away and it keeps coming back but each time it gets just a little bit easier. Slowly, ever so slowly I am filling that void with happiness.
Is SA about winning or losing? No, I believe it's about regaing the freedom that was stolen from me. Will I ever be happy? Will I ever be free? I'm damn well going to try. I deserve it. I believe we all do!