is it ok to fire my therapist?

is it ok to fire my therapist?
S

shadowkid

WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
we just dont agree on anything it seems ,she tries to tell me how i should feel about things that happened to me but wont listen if i tell her thats not how i feel ,example ,she says that being kept in the closet was the worst thing he did to me ,and that is what is causing me problems now ,that being isolated for long periods of time has made me with draw into myself.ok sounds kind reasonable i guess ,but when i tell her that the closet was my safe place and that i wanted to be there ,she says impossible i'm just in denial? does it make sense that when i was locked in there i knew at least for a while that he wouldn't be sexualy abusing me or beating me ? and if he kept me there for 3 or 4 days that was 3 or 4 days without abuse,i could at least stop bleeding in that time ,i would watch the crack of light under the door for his feet praying that door wouldn't open ,but it always did.and the light was so bright i couldn't see him reaching for me , sorry doc but i never wanted out of that closet ,it aint the problem .i think i'm gonna get a new t. do you think she is right? thanks shadow
 
You have every right to fire her. It's YOUR recovery, and if she isn't helping you, then find someone who is! It is YOUR feelings that should be worked with, not HER feelings about what she THINKS you SHOULD be feeling.

As an aside, is she a survivor herself?
 
no she is not
 
Shadow,

She doesn't exactly sound like the brightest bulb in the pack. Start shopping for her replacement. Therapeutic 'styles' differ from T to T, but no therapist should be trying to tell you how to feel, or that you're "in denial." That's abusive, and you shouldn't have to suffer more than you already have, and certainly not from your T of all people in the world.

John
 
Yes, you have every right to fire a therapist. I just started with a new therapist, I'm not sure if I like the way he's taking our sessions, so my defenses are up and I'll be firing him if I feel it isn't working out.
 
Ofcourse it is allright to fire Your "t" because id they are not doing you any bood what is the point . There job is to listen to You and try and help . If they wont do that what is the piont of waisting your time .
 
Hi Shadow,

I know we talked about this a bit last night - but I (after remembering what was said last night and reading what you wrote here) would most definately try to find a difrent therapist

What you wrote about feeling safer in the closet makes 110% perfect sense to me - I would gladly trade the abuse for isolation any day of the week - I had safe places too - I used to go hide under the bed - or wrap myself up tightly in the sheets - and I even used to hide in the huge toy bin that was in my closet

remember from last night... - your feelings are YOUR feelings - don't let anyone tell you what to feel

Take good care of you,

TJ jeff
 
Adam,

she is telling you what to think.
She should be exploring your feelings, not invalidating them.

The closet would have felt safe, she should never deny that to you.

I dont know how long you have been seeing her, maybe you give her more time, but it is up to you to fire her if she continues on the same path,

ste
 
Adam, You know how you felt in your closet...you and only you. Therapists are people just like everyone else. It is important to find a good match...one that you trust. Trust is so important because you are sharing so much of yourself with this person. Only you can decide when that trust is there, but you'll know. There is nothing wrong with changing t's. The right one makes all the difference. Bobby
 
Adam, I saw red flags when you mentioned, weeks ago now, that your T was insisting that forgiveness was necessary in order for you to heal.

To my understanding, insistance upon one exact approach to recovery is a red flag to me. I don't get the impression that she's helping you anymore, but at least she helped you open up and talk about it at first.

https://www.forgottenvictims.org/hs_therapist.php
 
SHadow:

First of all, welcome! I agree with the others that there is nothing wrong with firing your T. I have always felt that if I didn't change in 6 months or if I felt uncomfortable with a T that it was my recovery and I have every right to find another T.

A good T will never tell you how you should feel! A good T will accept you where you are and then gently guide you to recovery by self-discovery. SD
 
thanks guys i think i need to look for another t
 
Hi, Adam:

You are certainly under no obligation to continue seeing this person...

In the words of that groovy old Brady Bunch tune-

"When it's time to change
You've got to re-arrange..." : )

Best of luck to you with your search for a therapist who will be a good fit.
 
Adam,

A therapist who rejects and challenges your feelings like that is harming you at a very basic level. Her task is to help you along YOUR path, not drag you kicking and screaming down hers.

Therapy is vital for you bro, don't lose sight of that. But a therapist that makes you feel devalidated like this is adding to the problem, not resolving it.

I would not confront her, but just say you are feeling uncomfortable and want to seek help from someone else. This happens all the time, and if she takes it badly then maybe you should be offering therapy to her!

Much love,
Larry
 
Adam,

I "fired" my therapist back in October. Before completly stopping therapy with her I used her to help me identify a new therapist. I went into my last session with a list of therapist that were in the network of my health insurance. I asked her if she knew any of them and could recomen anyone. She said she didn't recognize any of the names. We agreed that she would call around doing a prescreen for me and recomend several people. I only used up about 15 minunites of my hour. I told her that since I had another 45 miniutes that I would like that time used for her to do the research necessary to recomend a number of people. Witin a week she was able to give me a list of 5 therapist with a general background on each of them. I then called each of them and conducted my own screening based on the consumer guide to therapist posted on this site and from Mike Lew's book Victims No Longer. The process of searching for the right therapist is healing in itself. I know have a great therapist with lots of experience with SA who I connect with. I've been through 5 therpaist (first 3 were free clinics with only 10 vistis maximum a year) ... this is the first time I actually feel good after a therapy session.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
I'm firing my therapist as well. She just isn't capable of helping me in the way I need to be helped. She's a good T in general, but not in the SA recovery area.
 
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