Is it impossible to stop "reenacting" their abuse?
My partner and I (2yrs) middle aged. He had years of therapy, very open and seemed very stable. We were doing so good, no issues with intimacy. He/we felt so close as I could listen when he wanted to talk about it. Such openness and honesty. We had a pact if anything ever happened, a need or problem.... we would turn to each other first. WE would figure it out.
I thought we were healthy. I had no idea about any of this it was suddenly just there. I have the sinking feeling he leaves it open while he is working and forgot to shut it down. Or maybe it was a recent stressor? No idea. The things he was saying scare me, for his safety. He sounded like he had every intention of meeting up. I don't know that he would. But he shared his face with these strangers.
I question everything now, my health, his stability..... He swears he has not touched anyone since he has been with me. He is in denial and can't discuss it.
I left because I need space and I don't what to do and if I can handle this. I love him deeply, I thought he was my forever. I don't care that he was with men in the past, or if he is bi today or shares his story. I am proud of him. He told me he only emotionally connects with women and we were enough. And "needs" we handled. He told me actual men were a thing of the past, pre-therapy and there was no compulsion, no need.
Realistically speaking, is re-enacting CSA part of a survivor forever? Is this a compulsion? What I am reading around here it seems to be a big issue. Bear with my rambling thoughts, I just am trying to make sense of what is happening.
Thank you for reading, Mistle
I thought we were healthy. I had no idea about any of this it was suddenly just there. I have the sinking feeling he leaves it open while he is working and forgot to shut it down. Or maybe it was a recent stressor? No idea. The things he was saying scare me, for his safety. He sounded like he had every intention of meeting up. I don't know that he would. But he shared his face with these strangers.
I question everything now, my health, his stability..... He swears he has not touched anyone since he has been with me. He is in denial and can't discuss it.
I left because I need space and I don't what to do and if I can handle this. I love him deeply, I thought he was my forever. I don't care that he was with men in the past, or if he is bi today or shares his story. I am proud of him. He told me he only emotionally connects with women and we were enough. And "needs" we handled. He told me actual men were a thing of the past, pre-therapy and there was no compulsion, no need.
Realistically speaking, is re-enacting CSA part of a survivor forever? Is this a compulsion? What I am reading around here it seems to be a big issue. Bear with my rambling thoughts, I just am trying to make sense of what is happening.
Thank you for reading, Mistle