Is been hard, is triggers

Is been hard, is triggers
V

VN

Registrant
Is been hard for last two weeks. It is very hard, even think on it, talk on it. I have act stupid, I have ddone stupid things. And now, is so much, the fight, to be here, to want remain here, just of life I think. So much is pain, physical, emotional. I now, I go to therapy, second ttime therapy, I not say things. I do not know even I like him, do not yet trust him. It is like to waste money just go there not say nothing. My daughter die near six years ago. It should be easier to deal of that now. Is harder. Is like never I feel it then enough, never I greif of it enough then. Now, I can not get out of it, pain and hhurt of that lost, I can not get past of it, just find most of time, just I want to be with her again. Is very hard to want to remain this world sometime. I just, I fight it, to want be here and find I some to be happy here. I do try, honest, I work hard to try, but sometime, it is very hard, any energy is gone. How to get over it, so it do not take so much more my life, I do not know. Sometime I feel I have 'heal' some. Sometime I feel is never even start, and never I can. Just right now, feel weak and worthless.
 
VN,

I cant begin to know what its like to loose a child.

You must be very strong to get this far. Also, us guys at MS find value in your messages so please continue, you are NOT worthless.

Be at peace my friend. I pray for you.
 
Visha,
I hear you. I also know how hard it was for you to write this. You do have so much pain, and grieving in your life right now, I cannot imagine.
therapy will take time. You can set the pace. You can go as slowly as YOU want.
It's OK to feel weak. But no, you are not worthless, you are loved.
Paul
 
(((((Visha)))))

it is ok to feel the pain of loss - I am sorry it is so hard for you right now (to be in physical and emmotion pain can be such an overload - I do understand - lots of both pain for me too lately) - you got friends here - lean on us till you are feelin stronger again - friends lean on each other - let us give you strength

you are a good person Visha - you have helped many others here - let us help you

talk things out with us here - there are many here who really do care

Take good care of you,

TJ jeff
 
((((((Visha))))))

It is right that you feel grief. You lost someone wonderful. Maybe you were not ready to feel all the grief until now.

I hope that the T will earn your trust so you can talk to him. Even so, you have friends here and "in real life" that will listen.

I wish I could say something that helps you. You have been great help to many people. Your worth is in who you are, not in who someone says you are.

Prayers and safe hugs to you,

Joe
 
Visha - keep talking as much as possible -

when it is hard - come here -
and talk about your feelings - about anything

big things or little things -

happy or sad - interesting or challenging or fun -

don't be alone with your feelings so things do not build up

keep talking -

whatever you want or need to say say here -

truly - keep talking

keep a conversation up --

PLEASE - don't get to a down place again -

since this too - when alone is pretty hard like you said -

talk of jokes too -

each day - say good morning - everyone is here to support - you daily here -

this is your site.

it's here for you everyday.
 
we can say good morning back or just hello.
 
visha ,can anyone understand the feeling of losing something even more valuable than the childhood we lost? my brother died 13 years ago,it feels as bad today as the day it happened ,maybe worse ,as i get older i see more and more what i lost.being abused tried to break my spirit ,losing my brother broke my heart,for both of us all we can do is thank god that we were so blessed to spend even a little time with them,yes? also remember that your daughter had the perfect dad ,how important is that? she got more love than most of us ever had in our whole life.she had your love ever minute that she was with you,words dont help i know that ,but its been said to me here many times and its worth saying again ,would your beautifull daughter ,or my brother want us to suffer ?would they be disappointed to know that we cant seem to go on? maybe we should think like they are watching us real close ,i think they would be sad if we gave up ,we got to be strong visha cause i believe they are watching we cant let them down ,can we?you are a special person visha thats all i can say . adam
 
I am so sorry for what happened - it is a loss that goes beyond any loss I can think of and is one of my own greatest fears.

I know it hurts me because I know how my own inner child was lost to abuse - how I can not get him back and must learn to heal and live with the loss. I have loss close persons and it always comes back to this deep inner pain. As I realize that, I can begin to understand why loss hits me so hard.

So too, you must realize how opressive these feelings are and where they come from and how dangerous they can become to your well being -

- read the suicide guidelines,

- put the 800 number on post-its where you can see it and use it,

- find good local support

We can only share the pain but there is little we can do to help you when you are at risk and it is triggering to feel helpless to your pain -

Please do this for yourself - every one here knows about your worth - your family here is a goodly number of true hearted men who have shared so much and been helped by you - don't let depresson take over - seek some real help there and tell us how you are doing.
 
(((((((((Visha))))))))

Remember our promise! One day at a time. We are here for you. You can see how much you are admired and loved here. Allow us to help you. I look for that promise every day.

The death of a child is something that I also wondered when I would get over it. I don't think I ever will. It never goes away. I too, wanted to end it all this past November. But I realized that I was not the only one hurting. My surviving son lost a brother. He needed his Dad. He loves me, whether I can understand that or not. I stayed for him initially, then for my parents, then for my ex, then for some of my dear brothers here at MS. It has been almost a year from that bad time in my life, and the pain of losing my son is still great, but I am now at a point that I am staying around not only for others, but for ME. I want to be here now.

You will get to this point in your life, Visha. I promise you, buddy. For now, remember how much you are loved and needed by others. Keep yourself safe for them...your sister, your beautiful little niece, for Androsh and Leshka, for Olia, and many others, including me.

You keep your promise to me every day. We'll get through this.

You are a dear brother to me and others.
 
VN,

I know that you and I have spoken much. But just wanted too let you know you have support.

James
 
Visha,

All I have to offer right now is a hug and to tell you that you are loved. Really and truly loved.

{{{{{{{{{{Visha}}}}}}}}}}

Love you Bro,

John
 
I hope that the words that you read here from the guys, will wash over you and bring you comfort and strength. Many of us know how you help people every day, both here and there. You help us here because some of us know what you have had to handle in your life. You help others there with your gentle but firm hand that is reassuring to them as they learn new and difficult routines.
No one knows exactly how your pain hurts, Vitaliy, but your brothers here are standing by to offer you their shoulders, to lean on for sure, but to help you shoulder the weight that you now carry. You're one of us now, you'll never again be alone with your pain and sorrow...we grieve and hurt with you.
Peace, Vitaliy

David
 
Visha,

I am so sorry you are in such pain. In all honesty, I cannot even begin to imagine what the loss of a child would be like. But please try to give your T a chance. He won't expect you to trust him yet; he will know this is something that can only come with time. In time he will be able to help you work through these terrible problems.

And know also that you are a very worthwhile man who is genuinely loved and admired by so many. When you feel down and need support, just talk to someone. Perhaps put together a support group of people you can contact.

I would also like to share with you something I learned awhile back, when I myself was feeling very oppressed by my abuse and other issues and wondering would it ever end: It is never a good idea to start analyzing our lives when we are really down.

Be at peace, Visha. We all want this for you, and I am sure your daughter would want this for you as well.

Much love,
Larry
 
I just wished to say, thank you, to all who respond here, or who contact me some way in recent time. It is, sometime, it feel near 'too much', that people care? Like, I think it, they not know me, the would not if they do. Or, just, 'why'? But without, I do not know it, where I be, and I thank all you. I am safe now. I been safe since I write this post, even before I write it, just I was feeling weak, but I been safe. I will be safe now, stay safe. I can feel strong enough right now to promise of that.

Originally posted by roadrunner:
It is never a good idea to start analyzing our lives when we are really down.
Click to expand...
Larry, why it is then, that that is when I am so much more GOOD at it? ;)

Thank you, all.

VN
 
Originally posted by VN:
It is, sometime, it feel near 'too much', that people care? Like, I think it, they not know me, the would not if they do.
Click to expand...
But Visha,

We're a lot like you don't you know? :) So it's easy to like you because in you we find a friend. :) Someone like us. :)

Lots of love,

John
 
V,

As you know, we have some very sad similarities in our lives. I have lost someone I love also, although I can not imagine it, to be my child. I know that there is still a certain sadness and emptiness that I feel that I think will always be there and never be filled by anyone else.

But, I will say, I agree with Larry. When you are feeling like crap about yourself, that is NOT the time to be reassessing your childhood through adult eyes. It is to easy to see what you've 'done wrong', simply because you can now see other options. You did not have those options then. That is why you did what you did. Period, simple as that.

I am greatful that you are in therapy now, and I hope that as you do it longer, you will get to trust your therapist and be able to be more open. I think it's just natural to take time. But you deserve the best.

Leosha
 
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