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introduction
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bartleby

Registrant
hi this is my first post. Im 25 and still live with my mother who molested me when i was younger. I want to move out and have a real life but i feellike i barely have enough energy to drag myself to my job that i hate and i might get fired soon anyway. My only friends are from college live 10 hours away. I never leave my room unless i have to . Im not even sure what kind of advice im asking for its 530am and i have to be at work at 6 i dont put thoughts togerther very well when im this tired i just thought if i didnt write now who knows when i would. At least i've been sober since april 14 to end post with something positive.
 
Hi Bartleby

you've made the first step, congratulations, "advice" a lot of it is already in the posts if you read them

You're life doesn't seem too good from what you are saying, just hope it can get better, you have friends here who will listen and care for your thoughts no matter how hard you think they are.

Feel free to share them or not as you wish, nobody will judge you here.

take care

ste
 
Bartleby,

Being sober is a great thing. Without it you will not ever be able to direct your full energies towards a goal. It's not something that's easy to do. There are a lot of people who can go without substances for a while but they don't get to the point where they begin thinking any better.

You obviously have, or you wouldn't be making the effort to come here and post. That is another great thing. Because through that post you have admitted to others (even if you don't see us) what happened to you, what your mother did. The details only matter as details. We have each been through our own horrifying "details" and it's not the details that unite us.

We don't know your pain. That's a crock. We know something about what it feels like. It feels like the pain each of us has endured, to some extent still endures. We don't know how hard it was for you to post here. We can remember what it took for ourselves to come here, though.

This is a great place for you to speak to people who know something about what you mean.

I shouldn't give advice, but you do seem to be asking. These are things I do.

Therapy. I gotta have it. There ain't no way I'm going to get better on my own. I need someone to offer a perspective outside the kinds of things that occur to my abuse-affected mind.

Journal. I write things all over the place, in several separate tablets and in several files on several computers. When I can do it, writing helps me get some clue what I'm thinking.

Reduce contact with the abuser(s). I still love my parents, but they don't seem to recognize at all how abusive they were when I was growing up. I used to visit several times a year. Now it's been a few years.

Keep coming here. Read what I can. Write when I can. Somethings do still trigger me, and I can't participate in some threads because of that.

Don't want to give advice, but I will share that these things seem to help me. Sometimes just providing a glimmer of hope is help enough.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Bartleby,

First off, I want to welcome you here, though I wish you never had a reason to need a place like this, but again, you are welcome.

I think you will find that a lot of people share your feelings about your abuser and job, etc.

Congrats on your sobriety. Keep that up. It's a good thing.

Take your time and realize that coming here was a good thing that you did for you. Things can change when we are ready and willing and it sounds like this is the beginning of your journey.

So walk with us because we're all your brothers here.

Peace,

Marc
 
bartleby,

welcome here from me as well.

your situation still being there is an issue to deal with in time asap. i don't think that means a total cut off, but triggers are not good. they drive us nuts.

come here,stay with us, post what you wish, read what you wish. we have all had different types of abuse, some may seem worse than others, but it is all the same shit. not our fault, we were manipulated, worse yet-raped and beaten, sold, in some instances.

one great thing, your only 25, i waited till i was and still am 41 to "come out" with my shit. you have a lot to look forward to in time. i kind of fucked my relationships and me up hiding my shit for so long.

still not better, but here. thanks for sharing and congrats on coming here.

guy
 
I too will offer the customary welcome here: I am glad you have found us, but I am sad that you need us.

Posting is a big step, one full of nerves, but in the end the posting can truly help, you can get advice, you can just vent, whatever you need. Even if you just read some of the posts you can learn from that.

I'm no doctor, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I would suggest you get into therapy, without it it is very very difficult to get through this hell by yourself. Like Joe suggested, I would say maybe start journaling, it can really help to get your feelings out, even if no one else ever sees them. Finally I would advize to try to get away from your mother, what she did to you was terrible, and it will be hard to get through it and come out the other side, but I believe still living with her may be a trigger for you. I am 20 and still live with my mother who was emotionally abusive, so I to some extent understand how it must feel, though I don't claim to really know your feelings.

Congratulations on your sobriety, that is a big step, and an important one. The first step to your healing, and not just hiding. Keep up the great work with that, you are stronger than you know, and you can make it through it all.

I understand thye not having energy to move, barely having the energy to get to work. I am kinda in the same boat. After dragging myself out of bed and surviving for another morning, I hardly have the energy to hold my head up, but I keep going, and I have to believe that in time it will get better, and just being will take less energy so we can have the energy for other things.

Again, I am glad to see you here, it is a great place. If you need someone to listen just post here, or feel free to Private Message me, I'll listen and offer whatever advice I can.

Good luck on your healing journey, and may you find peace along the way.

scott
 
Bartleby - Welcome on board! The first post is generally difficult to post BUT it gets easier as you post further. I guess you noticed many of the guys responding to you being new. This is a really fine bunch of guys - supportive, understanding! We are all here for the same reason - sexual abuse! Please come back and share your experiences and ask for advice, ask questions or whatever you need!! You are not alone!!

Howard
 
Bartleby,

I was in my own version of an incestuous relationship with my Mom - and didn't move out until I was 28. I thought that she would die if I moved out - that she needed me to survive. Have had a helluva time growing up - and am still too "tied-in" in an Oedipus-type triangle with my parents, and have had lots of sexual acting-out and relationship and career problems. You may be able to relate to some of that. I find it tremendously helpful to know that someone else may be able to relate.

I *highly* recommend reading the two Mother-Son incest stories which you can find by going to the top of this page to "suvivors" and then click on the drop-down menu on "Adult Survivors". And the other amazing article can be found also at the top of this page where it says "professionals" - then click on "Articles" in the drop-down menu. The second article down is called "Male Sexual Abuse Victims of Female Perpetrators". Or I can just give you the URL to go straight to that particular article:
https://www.kalimunro.com/article_mother_son_sexual_abuse.html

I've found it difficult to find others to talk to about this issue. I don't know if it's because it's not as common as some other forms of sexual abuse or because Mom's are so damned sacred, or both.

I hope you are able to participate and get some help here. Finding this site may be a huge event in your life.

Howard
 
Bartleby,

welcome here. Congratulation on your sober time, that is great accomplishment.

I wish you have more option then to live with your mother. I think it will be harder to start to heal from this while you still are with her. But I do not know so much about options for finances help and living places here.

I know that you will find good advice and support here. I wish you good luck.

leosha
 
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