introduction

introduction
R

russ-milwaukee

Registrant
Hello guys,

My name is Russ and I am in MIlwaukee, WI. I just wanted to say hello and WOW am I so glad to know that others are out there -- I find it so hard to believe that this happened to any other guy.

About me: (**** POSSIBLE TRIGGERS ***)

I'm married, 35 years old. I was raped by my older brother when I was 8 years old. I was so scared I didn't tell anybody. He just kept doing it, and four years later he moved farther away and it stopped. My cousin, however, stepped in to fill the role. They had clearly talked about me and this man abused me for three years. It ended with a violent rape that causes me flashbacks and nightmares still today.

I bottled everything up: guilt, shame, blame, fear -- for 20 years. I never forgot my abuse or the rapes. Some men do forget and remember later. For me it has been a part of my thoughts every single day since I was 8 years old.

Three years ago, I lost it. Cried for three straight days. My wife got very scared. The next Monday I started counseling with a great psychiatrist. Now, after three years of counseling I am doing ok. I know who I am, that it wasn't my fault, that I didn't ask for it or cause it. My wife is still standing beside me. She doesn't understand -- I don't expect her to. But,....

I still have a poor self-image.

I still question my ability to fight back if attacked.

I still have nightmares -- but the frequency is much reduced after starting counseling.

I still have flashbacks -- mainly in airports when I see strangers that look like them. I dissociate on the spot. Usually, just stand completely still for minutes at a time. I've had people come up to see if I am alright. I hate that.

I still doubt that any other man has gone through this.

Tonight I found malesurvivor. I didn't know you guys were out there. It helps to know you are.

Russ
Milwaukee, Wi
 
Russ, wow what a journey, I am glad that you have found us, I know the relief I felt when I found this site within two days I was thanking all the Gods I could think of. And that you are already on your journey towards recovery is another good news, please stay with us here you'd find good tools and great discussions and keep posting. It is our shared journey and a common goal.

I too freeze when I m extremely angry as when someone is over powering me emotionally (bullying me). Earlier I could not do anything about it, but now I am learning to relax in those very moments as I know it is just a replay of the way I responded to abuse by freezing with fear or shutdown and now usually I get what to say, no matter how illogical it might seem to them.

Once at a chinese restaurant my fortune cookie read: A effective way to deal with predatators is to taste terrible.

Today, I carry this slip in my wallet. ;)
 
Russ, you are a courageous guy and I'm glad you found us, but obviously sorry for the reasons you needed to find us. Keep sharing, reading and visiting. Peace, Andrew
 
So sorry, Russ. It does feel like this shouldn't happen to anyone else. How could anything so horrible happen to so many boys? But, now you've found us, and now you know. We're here to help you heal in any way we can....and you, sometimes without even realizing it, will, in turn help us.
Welcome. I'm so sorry you have a reason to be here. Bobby
 
Russ,

So glad you found us. You will find that you are accepted, believed and understood here, and I hope you will continue to post and get used to the site. Don't hesitate to talk about anything here; that's what we are here for.

Much love,
Larry
 
Russ,

Welcome aboard. Here is a safe place to come and chat or write about what's going on with you, and to read experiences of others that can provide insights by way of similarities, parallels, or contrasts with your own.

My brother, too, was my abuser, and I was a similar age (9 years) when it began; it went on until I was 15. Bottling-up for decades was one of my defenses; it didn't work. Neither did some other behaviors. Poor self-image was also a constant. Know what? A lot of what this site can do for you involves opening that bottle and, in a way I couldn't even begin to explain, the self-image will, certainly improve. Perhaps it's just knowing you're not the only one, and that there's a community among whom you now have the opportunity to be an equal, to feel normal, to give and take and teach and learn from.

Welcome aboard.

John
 
welcome Russ,

All of us here have been through similar experiences . No one here will ever question your pain as " imagined" or "overreacting". We have been there and are here for you now.Male Survivor has helped me just knowing there is a place where I can turn to when I need support or answers. PJN
 
Russ glad that you found this site and are on your healing trip to get your life back. I came here back in 2002 and was # 770. Your # is 3235 so you can see that there is lots of men who have experenced the same issues. I found a world of help here hope it is the same for you.

Russ I live over by La Croose on the Mississippi River if you ever come to this part of WI lets get togeather.
Tom
 
Russ

Welcome to MS, yes it is mind blowing when your realise that there are millions of us out there and at long last people are beginning to listen to those voices that were so silent for so many years.

Like you I still suffer from nightmares, triggers, flashbacks and disassociation but it is nowhere near a bad as it used to be.

Stick around, your recovery can only get better.

Kirk
"Les grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit".
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top