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phoster

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Well, Ive been trying to deal with this on my own, but it is all just too much. Have decided something needs to change. As hard as I try, I cannot be happy in life, and am always loosing my cool. Last night I blew up over taco shells of all things, in front of my kids. I feel awful.

Ive contacted a therapist listed on the site here, and have decided to take a more active part in things. somehow, I have got to make peace with it all. Every time I think Im doing okay, something happens and I am all screwed up again. I am struggling with sexual compulsion, depression and anger, and I am just tired of trying to fake my way through it.
 
I have only been here for short while, but it was the best thing I have ever done. The support you will find here is invaluable.

I will leave you with something I was told when I first came here:

I'm sorry you need a place like this, but glad you found us.

-Sean
 
phoster,
welcome to the site. you will not find a greater bunch of guys here. i recall the final straws that drew me to therapy and this site. three years ago it was the soul shattering trauma of my former wifes abandonment of me and her subsequent betrayal. i was not able to function for close to 18 months. i stayed in therapy for three years and had to leave when i relocated due to loss of insurance. i had to go back to therapy a month ago because of more memories that surfaced of the CSA that i could not handle (still can't). i found this site i think a few months ago. the point is that it takes a great deal of courage to accept that we as individual males cannot resolve our individual problems when it involves so much. you did the right thing in seeking the help, no one can do it alone, not even john wayne :)
 
change that to:

you will not find a greater bunch of guys anywhere else BUT here

sorry about the typo, i find i am doing that far more often than i care to :D
 
thank you guys. i know i'm doing what i need to, but it is scary. the thought of even walking into a therapist is frightening. not so much them, but the fact i can't deal with my own life. i know i need to though. they are supposed to call me with an appointment once they get things set up with my HMO.
 
Phoster,

You can deal with your own life. That's exactly what you are doing when you recognize there is a problem and take positive steps to make it better. Please give yourself the well deserved credit for that. You have turned to face your demons and I think now you'll find that they will be the ones to back down. The strength that carried you through the actual abuse will be enough to get you through therapy.

As Sean said, it's good that you have found us, though we wish you never had to come looking.

Joe
 
Phoster,

I'm glad you're here. I understand.

This place can save your life. It did mine.

I am so sorry for what happened to you and what you have to deal with. But we're here to help you carry the load. It can make a difference.

I love you, my new brother. No strings attached.

Peace in your time, Phoster

Scot :D
 
Welcome phoster,

I'm glad to hear that you are starting to take care of the pain and anger that was installed upon you. I know that I waited too many years to start mine and have learned that it can't just be hidden away in the back recesses of our minds. The darn stuff will spring out with such force and it affects our daily lives and thoughts without us realizing it.

As Joe said, you are in control of your life. You are the one that took the steps to reclaim the control that you don't believe you have. I commend you for that.

Take care of yourself,
Bill
 
i am facing a bleak moment in my life. i blew up and threw a fit over taco shells, and my wife has reached her limits. it is either get help or she will leave. i am going to get help, but i am afraid of what that means. i am afraid our marriage cant and wont meet my needs, and i am afraid of that little voice inside that keeps telling me that. i am afraid of being a parttime dad, and of loosing everything i have. i am afraid therapy will show me that i need to walk away to be happy. i think i am afraid because inside i know what i have to do, and it scares the hell out of me...
 
Phoster,

You say, "get help or she will leave." Is that what she told you? If so, it sounds like she doesn't want to leave. It sounds like she wants to support you. If you try therapy, with a supportive spouse and the knowledge of how much you have to gain through recovery, you may be pleasantly surprised at her strength.

No guarantees, this is real life. But her leaving sounds imminent if you avoid getting help. What else can you lose by trying? Maybe shame, pain, etc.

Joe
 
my biggest struggle, the one that keeps getting me depressed and angry, is that our marriage doesnt fulfill me sexually. part of the reason is that our drives are total opposites, but i also feel that my abuse has left me stuck in overdrive. is sex a valid need, or should intimacy and affection be enough? certainly, we dont have enough sex to satisfy me, but is that the abuse or just me? i guess, i have a lot of questions and not many answers right now.
 
phoster,

This looks like an opportunity for both of you. For you to seek the help (a.k.a. T and pdoc) with your SA and its rage issues. And for both of you and your wife to go to therapy together to better your relationship and keeping each other informed what you both need while you are dealing with your SA issues.

I know I would have loved to have that opportunity. My ex wasn't willing to partake in any of these, nor in keeping me around. Yours sounds like she wants to keep together, but not as things are.

Do what you need to take care of yourself, and hopefully that can include taking care of your family at the same time.

Bill
 
phoster,

Welcome!!! This is the best group of guys that you will ever get to know, very supportive and helpful getting through all the debris from the abuse.

Knowing that I couldn't do it all by myself was the first step for me too. It took me 38 years to take that first step. That was six years ago next month and I've never looked back. It does get better.

Take good care of yourself. You've got a lot of resources here on this site that can help you through the rough spots in healing and moving forward.

Steve
 
Phoster
i am going to get help, but i am afraid of what that means.
Click to expand...
Damn right ! you have every right to be afraid, BUT the reality is ( or at least it was for me ) that the level of fear we have over NOT seeking help is far greater than the reality of getting that help.

Like me, your marriage might be at risk, your whole life might change completly if you don't get help.
For the worse ? I would think so.

And if we do go for the help ? well, again our lives change completly, but for the better.

The fear subsides as we heal, we deal with it better and begin to understand it.

My favourite Tshirt when I'm driving my off-roader is a 'No Fear' one with the logo 'Been there, trashed that !"
Yeah, it's my 'old' life that I've trashed, my new one's worth all the effort.

Dave ;)
 
You know, I am sorry you need this site, but I am also glad you have found it, it can be a great help. Good luck with it all, and starting therapy is a great way to start. The pain and fear will eventually subside some, good luck, and nice to meet you.

scott
 
It is so difficult, to deal of all this on your own. Once I realized that I could not ignore the memories any longer, I just knew I needed help, because even now, I do not know so well what I'm dealing with. I welcome you here, although I am sorry that you have need of this site. I am glad that you are allowing yourself to begin healing though. I wish you good luck, and wish you well.

leosha
 
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