Introduction - Jason ***Triggers***

Introduction - Jason ***Triggers***

JasonL

New Registrant
Hi everyone,

I feel like I am ready to tell my story. I am just now coming to terms with the fact that I was sexually abused as a child. I was your typical kid, average size and weight, blond hair and blue/gray eyes. I was cute. Everyone thought I looked like a handsome little fella. I was happy.

My brother was sick. He had a problem keeping food and drinks down. Something was wrong with his stomach. He got so bad that he had to be taken to the hospital for I.V. fluids and a procedure was done to help him keep things down. He had to be in the hospital for about 4 days. I could not stay at the hospital but my mom could. My dad had to work to keep the bills at bay and he worked swing shifts making it near impossible for him to watch after me during the day. My parents decided to take me to a friends house to spend the next 4 days with them. That is where it happened.

I have very few memories of the actual abuse. Don't know if that is a good thing or not as I am desperate to understand all the abuse I endured. My friends (the two boys that lived there) were both older than me by a couple of years. I was 7 years old at this point. I was just a little kid, happy, open to anything, and kind. One boy was 10 and the other was 13. The 10 year old asked me if I wanted to play doctor. I didn't know better and it sounded like fun so I said yes, I would love to play doctor. I was the patient, he was the doctor. He took off my pants and underwear. I was allowed to keep my shirt on. I thought that was strange as at the real doctors office, I was allowed to keep my underwear on. I remember him saying I had very big balls. I said something like I have a basket ball at home and it is very big. Totally innocent response. Then the older boy came in. He said something to the younger boy and then I was asked to turn over. Next thing I knew there was something going inside of me. I totally froze. I didn't know what I was allowed to do. I didn't move at all while they took turns raping me. I remember looking at them from the other side of the room as they raped me. I wasn't in my body.

The next night I slept on the couch in the living room. I remember waking up crying in the middle of the night. I was comforted by the father. I stopped crying and was about to go back to sleep when it happened again. I don't remember much, but the next thing I remember was being totally naked under a blanket with his hand on my chest. I can't remember what happened next but I know he did things to me. What exactly, I don't know?

Another day at there house brought my first orgasm. It was forced against my will. The older boy used a vibrator on me until I came. It was painful. I jerked up from lying down to fully upright as it happened. The problem was when I finally went home, I was hooked on orgasms. I became a chronic masterbater at age 7. I would use my parents back massager on myself until I came. Almost every day, I was hooked. I became a sex obsessed child. Who would do that to a 7 year old? A monster. Three monsters!

I am going to therapy to help me work this all out. Today I am still a sex obsessed man. I am a sex addict. I has hurt my relationships in the past and is hurting my current relationship with my wife. I love her so much, this cannot get in the way. Not this time. That is why I am getting help now. Thank you for letting me tell my story. This is not all that has happened to me. There were other events that have hurt me in my past, sexual, physical, and emotional. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I know its long, but I had to get it out.
Thank you,

JasonL
 
Jason,
I am so sorry for what you endured. That's horrible. And yet, there are many, many elements that ring true to my own story. The same undoubtedly applies to many here as well. You're not alone. You're very much among friends and in a safe welcoming space.

Congratulations on the courage to join... the courage to reach out and seek help. Going to therapy is one thing. Reaching out into an abyss hoping to find some comfort, some help, even just one other person who can relate... that's an enormous step of strength and courage.

We're all here to help each other, support each other. That most definitely applies to you too.

It seems cliché, it seems obvious to many.. but it wasn't your fault. And the effects of the abuse are far reaching.
You've embarked on a worthy journey. It's a long one, but it's worth the effort, it's worth the work.

And we're all here to help you along the way.

peace,
david
 
Thank you so much David for your kind words. It means a lot to have found a safe place.

Thank You,
JasonL
 
Jason,

It took an incredible act of courage to share this with us. I'm sorry that you experienced the abuse you did, but I am glad that you found us. As you move forward, remember to be gentle with yourself. Self-care is a primary job... don't neglect it.
 
Jason

I am so sorry about what happened to you. Thanks for sharing. I know how hard that is. I wish you strength on your journey.
 
Hi Jason

Welcome to MS. I am sorry for what has happened to you to need a place like this. I am glad you had the courage to reach out. You are not alone in this many here can relate to what has gone on in your life. We all have different stories but the out comes are pretty similar

Take good care .
 
Hey, buddy. I'm so very sorry for what happened to you.
You're not alone and I hope you know it wasn't your fault.
You're very brave to share your story. Proud of you, buddy!
Lots of great guys here who will accept you for who you are - abuse and all - and will help you however they can. You're among brothers now. :)
Take care, and share the rest if/when you feel up to it.

Bobcat
 
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