Introduction from K - *TRIGGERS* -
Hello. I'm a male survivor. And I'm going to tell my story here.
When I was 8 years old, I started getting sexually abused by an older male cousin. It happened several times over a couple years. He would get me alone, somehow, at family gatherings. It started out as little things like fondling, then oral sex and then eventually he sodomized me. I was scared, terrified and confused. He said it was a game and that I couldn't tell anybody. I didn't know where all the adults were and couldn't understand why no one came to help me. I've always felt I should have been able to stop it and that because I didn't it meant it was my fault and my choice.
I've always felt alone, isolated, flawed, perverted, unmanly, ashamed and dirty.
I had a big problem with drinking for a while. I was falling down drunk all the time. I quit drinking when I met my wife 18 years ago.
I'm married and have kids and didn't devote myself to my family in the ways that I should have. I couldn't tell anybody and told only 2 months ago. I told the complete story of my abuse, which I'd never told anybody before and, over a period of time, told about everything else.
After telling, I feel like a new person in a lot of ways. I feel more aware of my surroundings, more confident and my self-esteem is better. It's the first time in my life I haven't felt totally alone. My wife knows and so do my kids and my family and they all still love me.
It's really difficult right now, but I'm feeling better. Some days are better than others. I get a lot of support from my wife and family. I kind of worry about not being able to heal from being abused but I know that I will.
Thanks for Listening,
K
When I was 8 years old, I started getting sexually abused by an older male cousin. It happened several times over a couple years. He would get me alone, somehow, at family gatherings. It started out as little things like fondling, then oral sex and then eventually he sodomized me. I was scared, terrified and confused. He said it was a game and that I couldn't tell anybody. I didn't know where all the adults were and couldn't understand why no one came to help me. I've always felt I should have been able to stop it and that because I didn't it meant it was my fault and my choice.
I've always felt alone, isolated, flawed, perverted, unmanly, ashamed and dirty.
I had a big problem with drinking for a while. I was falling down drunk all the time. I quit drinking when I met my wife 18 years ago.
I'm married and have kids and didn't devote myself to my family in the ways that I should have. I couldn't tell anybody and told only 2 months ago. I told the complete story of my abuse, which I'd never told anybody before and, over a period of time, told about everything else.
After telling, I feel like a new person in a lot of ways. I feel more aware of my surroundings, more confident and my self-esteem is better. It's the first time in my life I haven't felt totally alone. My wife knows and so do my kids and my family and they all still love me.
It's really difficult right now, but I'm feeling better. Some days are better than others. I get a lot of support from my wife and family. I kind of worry about not being able to heal from being abused but I know that I will.
Thanks for Listening,
K
