You are very wise to seek professional guidance and Steve gave some good advice.
I was assaulted by a stranger, a man. I think I was 11 when it happened. About 2 years after the assault, I noticed It was very hard for me to relate to women. And 2 years after that, my personality dissociated into an industrial type, an intellectual and myself, an adolescent stuck at 12 years old; aka, "the kid".
50 years later, it's hard for me to pull myself together and be somewhat of a whole person. Otherwise, I am very shy and tend to push people away.
In therapy over 50 years later (after my 5th identity crisis, aka breakdown), I find I have to do most of the investigation myself, on my own by drawing cartoon-like pictures of the problems I am having- I did not receive adequate therapy when I was struggling as a teenager. No one, my parents, therapists, teachers, ever asked me if something bad happened and I tried to bury the assault in my memory. You know, "forget it and move on". Famous last words.
Now, I realize, the assault caused internal conflict that caused me to push people away and have difficulty relating to other people. Stuff like that.
So, I need to externalize the internal conflict by identifying whatever problems I am having socially. Work toward solutions, i.e. stop being shy, be a whole person and try to be part of the world.
With the love life, I have to take it long, slow and steady. And if the other person looks confused, I'll just have to give away the "candy store" and tell them I was assaulted. If they can't accept that, then I don't want them to be anything more than an acquaintance.
Good luck, my friend. The more you learn about yourself, the better. Life is complicated.
