Intro of James (Vestario)

Intro of James (Vestario)

Vestario

New Registrant
Greetings, I am James (Vestario), and I am a survivor of sexual abuse by my Uncle. I am not sure what to write at this point in time, and other than my wife, haven't really told anyone about my abuse. I have tried to go to counselling, but i don't think i was ready to crack open the vault that i hid everything away in, and i am now dealing with my pain and hurt. I have started to read the Joining Forces book, and found out about Male Survivor from the book itself.

A little of my story

My uncle didn't have a family of his own, so he was always visiting us, and was a very friendly and fun adult to be around. I always remember that he wasn't like my parents in that he would pretty much let me do what i wanted, and never got mad at me, i guess that is when the grooming started. He gained my trust, and admiration, and around the age of 6 things progressed. When he would come over to the house to stay for weekend, he wold always find a way to get me alone with him, and he would start his petting and touching, at night he would come to where I was sleeping (usually on a couch, so he could have my room) and wake me up to take pictures with his Polaroid camaera of me naked, and then play with me. He always made it seem like it was want i wanted and needed. As i got older he would say that he wold take care of me until i was able to find a girlfriend that would do the same things to me.

I would also for some reason still want to go to his house for weekend visits, and that is when the bad abuse started. I wont get into it here, but it was taken to a whole new level for me. This is also the time that I started to lie and act up at home. Stealing from the family, having a large amount of anger, getting into fights with much bigger people than myself (i was small for my age, in grade 5 i weighed 45 lbs, and strong winds would blow me around).

The abuse continued until i was around 15 years old, when i mentioned to a friend of mine what would happen when i would go to my uncles house, as he encouraged me to invite my friends if they wanted to come. He said that wasn't right, and that i should tell my parents. I was scared to tell them as i knew it wasn't right, but thought that i was the one that was instigating the abuse that I was getting. When i finally told my parents, they didn't believe me, as by this time i was lying about everything, and they said they couldn't tell if i was telling the truth or more lies.

Since then i kept it hidden and never went anywhere with my uncle, nor would stay at home if he came to visit. It wasn't until I was on my second date with my wife, then i felt safe to talk about it, and told her. She has been a supportive person since that time, and we have now been together for 23 years, and married for 19.

I am now ready to heal my inner child, and i look forward to learning and working on that going forward.

Thanks for reading, and hello

James (Vestario)
 
Welcome aboard, James! I am sorry for what you went through, but glad you found this place.
 
Hi James

Welcome to MS. Sorry for what brings you here, glad you had the courage to reach out here. There are many hear that your story will resonate with. The grooming is something that does a lot of damage, then after it is all over we are left to wonder why did I continue to go back. Looking back now I believe that I had a crush my primary abuser. They really do screw with us and it is lasting.

Welcome
Take good care
 
Sorry you had to live through those years James. Like most of us it has taken you some time to be ready to face the truth about what happened and the price you paid because of it. You are fortunate you have an understanding partner who has been with you for so many years. Certainly she can be a support, but there is something important that happens when we're able to tell the truth to other men who know this territory from first hand experience. Here you can tell the truth and no one will judge you for it. Here you can begin your healing journey, assured of support. Welcome! I'm glad you found us James.
 
Welcome to MS James. I'm sorry for the reason you're here, but I'm glad you are. I actually had a conversation with my therapist yesterday about instigating it, because I was in the same sort of situation. She told me that it's similar to when victims of physical abuse provoke their abuser, not because they want to be abused, but because they know it will happen eventually, so if they instigate it, They at least can expect it. That helped me start to understand it better, I hope it helps you a bit. Good luck on your journey here
-Shasta
 
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