Intervention and CSA
Intervention and CSA - Why it is important to act to stop the abuse NOW.
Let me first say that I have been working in the Juvenile Justice system representing children or parents in situations were social services have removed children from the home because of the risk of harm. I have handled many cases of all sorts of harm to children including sexual abuse. As a survivor myself, I care deeply for the children and the harm being done to them. When I began, I wanted it all to work out, for things to get better and the childhood wish I carry of wanting a safe and nurturing family to somehow happen.
I worked very hard with parents in trying to get them to see that this was an opportunity for them to change and to make it better for themselves and their children. For the kids, I wanted the same goal but also felt the need to protect them from the system and the harm that often happens from inept social workers, poorly run group homes, failing schools and psychological services that failed to address the problems. I had my distrust of the system intervening and doing more harm.
In my own recovery, I have come to see that the nurturing family I sought was somehow a birth right that my inner child would not let go of. I also saw that no matter how hard I yearned for it, nothing I could do would fulfill that yearning for what should have been. I came to realize that I needed to grieve about its loss and that what my inner child needed was for me to provide the safety and love and nurturing to myself, and him, that I found so difficult to give to myself living with the effects of CSA.
I also realized that my goal for my clients had been to somehow keep the chance of return to the dream of a functional family alive was not realistic. While I needed to vigorously advocate for the child or parent, that my goal needed to be to help them to see the reality of what had happened, where they were at the present, and to learn to obtain and use the services that were available to heal and recover.
This changed my views about intervention as a tool to help children. I saw that in many cases, NOTHING was going to change, and the harm caused to the child, would continue unless something intervened that changed the course of their situation. I saw that Intervention was the point at which the continuing harm ended, and they were made to face the loss that had occurred. Parents perpetuating gross family dysfunction need to be held accountable for what is happening. Too often, it is the only point at which they have an opportunity to seek help and to begin the healing and recovery.
The dangers of further harm by the system pale in comparison to the isolation the child feels, the self-destructive, self defeating ways that characterize his/her efforts to preserve and obtain the dream. The harm done by the system is in the present and must be mitigated by the efforts of advocates and by the child and the parents learning to set their own boundaries and ask for what they need. The harm of not intervening means that so many children will end up suicidal, drug addicted, in jail, or just living a quiet death of isolation from life and relationships and missing the joys and hardships of just being themselves without the oppressive effects of CSA symptoms.
Intervention is not a perfect solution. But I also know that the system and its workers are trained and are sensitive to the worst of the effects of intervention. I know that there are legends of advocates who work in the system to make the services including the places children are placed, safer and more nurturing. I have heard and sometimes seen the horror stories of the systems failings but I weigh the chance of further harm against the sure knowledge that there is a greater harm from current abuse and the isolation from holding its awful secrets into the future. The loss to our lives by not facing the abuse is so much worse.
In short, Intervention becomes a tool of the present, to STOP ongoing abuse in the present and give the opportunity to seek recovery from the harm of the past. There are many reasons people have for not intervening. But I believe we owe it to each child to intervene and to put a stop to on-going abuse. If we know it is happening, we can not wait for the child to be ready to tell or to come to terms with their fears of what will happen if the secret is told. It is always best if the child can tell but it is never best to let CSA continue.
IF YOU KNOW A CHILD WHO IS BEING ABUSED, PLEASE DO WHAT IS NEEDED TO MAKE IT STOP.
Let me first say that I have been working in the Juvenile Justice system representing children or parents in situations were social services have removed children from the home because of the risk of harm. I have handled many cases of all sorts of harm to children including sexual abuse. As a survivor myself, I care deeply for the children and the harm being done to them. When I began, I wanted it all to work out, for things to get better and the childhood wish I carry of wanting a safe and nurturing family to somehow happen.
I worked very hard with parents in trying to get them to see that this was an opportunity for them to change and to make it better for themselves and their children. For the kids, I wanted the same goal but also felt the need to protect them from the system and the harm that often happens from inept social workers, poorly run group homes, failing schools and psychological services that failed to address the problems. I had my distrust of the system intervening and doing more harm.
In my own recovery, I have come to see that the nurturing family I sought was somehow a birth right that my inner child would not let go of. I also saw that no matter how hard I yearned for it, nothing I could do would fulfill that yearning for what should have been. I came to realize that I needed to grieve about its loss and that what my inner child needed was for me to provide the safety and love and nurturing to myself, and him, that I found so difficult to give to myself living with the effects of CSA.
I also realized that my goal for my clients had been to somehow keep the chance of return to the dream of a functional family alive was not realistic. While I needed to vigorously advocate for the child or parent, that my goal needed to be to help them to see the reality of what had happened, where they were at the present, and to learn to obtain and use the services that were available to heal and recover.
This changed my views about intervention as a tool to help children. I saw that in many cases, NOTHING was going to change, and the harm caused to the child, would continue unless something intervened that changed the course of their situation. I saw that Intervention was the point at which the continuing harm ended, and they were made to face the loss that had occurred. Parents perpetuating gross family dysfunction need to be held accountable for what is happening. Too often, it is the only point at which they have an opportunity to seek help and to begin the healing and recovery.
The dangers of further harm by the system pale in comparison to the isolation the child feels, the self-destructive, self defeating ways that characterize his/her efforts to preserve and obtain the dream. The harm done by the system is in the present and must be mitigated by the efforts of advocates and by the child and the parents learning to set their own boundaries and ask for what they need. The harm of not intervening means that so many children will end up suicidal, drug addicted, in jail, or just living a quiet death of isolation from life and relationships and missing the joys and hardships of just being themselves without the oppressive effects of CSA symptoms.
Intervention is not a perfect solution. But I also know that the system and its workers are trained and are sensitive to the worst of the effects of intervention. I know that there are legends of advocates who work in the system to make the services including the places children are placed, safer and more nurturing. I have heard and sometimes seen the horror stories of the systems failings but I weigh the chance of further harm against the sure knowledge that there is a greater harm from current abuse and the isolation from holding its awful secrets into the future. The loss to our lives by not facing the abuse is so much worse.
In short, Intervention becomes a tool of the present, to STOP ongoing abuse in the present and give the opportunity to seek recovery from the harm of the past. There are many reasons people have for not intervening. But I believe we owe it to each child to intervene and to put a stop to on-going abuse. If we know it is happening, we can not wait for the child to be ready to tell or to come to terms with their fears of what will happen if the secret is told. It is always best if the child can tell but it is never best to let CSA continue.
IF YOU KNOW A CHILD WHO IS BEING ABUSED, PLEASE DO WHAT IS NEEDED TO MAKE IT STOP.
